The man Id always dreamed of left his wife for me, and I never imagined how it would end. Id first admired him at university. It was a naïve, blind, unconditional love, and when he finally turned his attention to me I lost all sense of reason. Truth be told, this happened a few years after we both graduated, when we eventually found ourselves working for the same firm in Manchester. We shared the same specialty, which wasnt unusual, but I told myself it was destiny.
He seemed the very picture of the husband Id always wanted. At the time I didnt mind that he was already married; I had never been married myself and I could not picture what a broken marriage felt like. So I felt no shame when James decided to abandon his spouse for me. Who could have guessed the pain it would bring? As the saying goes, you cannot build happiness on anothers misery.
When he chose me, I was on cloudnine and prepared to forgive anything. Yet in everyday life he was not the charming gentleman he pretended to be in public. His belongings were strewn across the flat, and he outright refused to wash the dishes. Every chore fell to my shoulders, but at the time I didnt mind a bit.
He quickly forgot his former marriage. They had no children, and it turned out his inlaws had pushed him into the union. With me, he promised everything would be different.
My bliss was shortlived. Everything changed when I discovered I was pregnant. At first James was overthemoon about the baby. We even organised a big family gathering to celebrate, and everyone sent us wishes for love and good health for our future child.
That evening remains one of my fondest memories, and I have no regrets when I look back. Yet from that point my blind devotion began to fade.
The bigger my belly grew, the less often I saw James. I was on maternity leave, so we only met late at night. He stayed later at the office and attended more corporate drinks. It didnt bother me at first, but soon the exhaustion set in. Household chores became harder when I could no longer stoop to pick up his socks scattered about.
I often wondered whether we had rushed into having a child. I knew feelings could wane over time, but I hadnt expected it to happen so quickly. James still brought me flowers and chocolates, yet all I wanted was for him to be present.
It soon became clear his frequent outings were not innocent. A colleague casually mentioned that a new young employee had joined our department. We were already shortstaffed, and when I went on leave the workload had become critical. How ironic.
I wasnt certain she was the one, but James clearly had someone; he never had a spare minute. Work, meetings, another corporate eventsomething always came up. One day I found a slip of paper in his coat pocket with initials I didnt recognise. I cant say why I put it back, but I pretended not to notice.
Being alone at seven months pregnant was terrifying, and James kept complaining that I had become too nervous. Every argument ended with a sigh of disappointment from him. I realised that if I raised the issue, I would end up alone. The fear of losing him was so great I could think of nothing else. They say that fear can make a prophecy come true.
No matter how smoothly James had once courted me, he was never a true gentleman. The worst words I ever heard were, Im not ready to have a child, and, I have someone else. I cant even recall exactly how he said them, but in that moment I thought I was losing my mind.
I never imagined I could summon the courage to ask for a divorce. He, too, seemed surprised that I would no longer tolerate his behaviour, and even more shocked when I threw all his things out the next day. I was grateful we lived in a rented flatat least I didnt have to share it with him.
And the baby? What will you do?
Ill find a way. Ill work from home and my parents have offered to help. My mother warned me he was a philandererI should have listened.
It was probably my responsibility toward my unborn son that gave me strength. Alone, I never would have found the nerve to leave.
I also realised I didnt want to raise a child with a father like him. His betrayal was so cowardly that I wanted nothing more to do with him, as if a veil had finally lifted from my eyes.
The first months after the divorce, including the birth, were brutally hard. I moved back in with my parents in Leeds, which delighted my grandparents who were thrilled to have a grandson. I cant say I havent missed James at times, but I tried not to dwell on it. Deep down I was convinced I had made the right choice and that I could give my son everything he needed.
Then, unexpectedly, he reappeared.
It turned out James was genuinely remorseful and wanted to meet his son. But do I want that? Perhaps I should even consider moving to another city, maybe Birmingham, for a fresh start.
The whole ordeal taught me that chasing someones promises can leave you emptyhanded, and that true security comes from within. A life built on your own values, rather than the fleeting affection of others, is the only foundation that can sustain both you and the ones you love.
