In my school there was a girl, an orphan, who lived with her grandmother a very old, very devout woman. Every Sunday they walked together to the chapel past our house, both as thin as twigs and wrapped in white kerchiefs. Rumour had it that her gran forbade her to watch the telly, to eat sweets, or to laugh with her mouth open, lest demons slipped in, and she made her wash with icy water.
We teased the girl. She met our jibes with grey, unchildish eyes and whispered, Lord have mercy on them, they know not what they do. No one befriended her; they thought her mad. They called her Ethel, sometimes Angel.
Back in those days the school dining hall was hardly appetising, but on Fridays there were treats: tea with biscuits, or a sausage roll in pastry served with hot cocoa and a little chocolate bar. One Friday, after someone had given Ethel a hard shove, she collided with me, and I struck the serving tray. Cups of cocoa tipped over, and a river of chocolate flooded two senior boys.
Tatata, they muttered.
Run, I shouted, grabbing Ethels hand, and we bolted for our classroom.
In my mind a gang of rowdy lads and a herd of cattle chased after us, their hooves echoing down the corridor. The last two lessons were mathematics. Beyond the glass door two tall, looming figures stood. Occasionally the door cracked ajar and a head would peer in, then another, before the heads whispered to each other. I understood that a investigation, a trial, perhaps even a punishment lay ahead.
The main thing is to slip out unnoticed, then I know a way up to the attic. Well wait there till dark and make our escape home, I whispered.
No, Ethel answered, well go out the proper way, as girls shouldquiet and modest.
Butthere are those boys. Theyll?
What? What will they do? Splash us with kefir? Throw us out? Beat the fifthform girls?
Well
Even if they beat us, it will be only once. If you stay, youll live in fear every day.
We left the class with the rest of the girls, as proper girls ought, quietly. Two senior boys were propped against the wall.
Hey, little ones, lost anything? one said, holding my MickeyMouse wallet with ten pounds inside the money for the swimming pool and the art studio.
Here, he shoved the wallet into my hand, dont run away again.
I walked home, my satchel swinging, feeling how sweet life could be and grateful for my new companion.
Shall I call my mum? She can ring your gran, ask for a day off, and we can watch cartoons at my house. Or is that offlimits?
Ethel rolled her eyes.
Lets go, well take the waffles with condensed milk that my gran baked today.
Our friendship endured for many years, until life scattered us across different continents. Yet I always recall that one moment.
Jumping from the high diving board into the blue mirror of the pool was terrifying but terrifying only once. Trying something new is always scary. Whats the worst that can happen? That theyll call you a fool? Perhaps once. If you let that thought linger, it becomes a daily companion.
You conquer fear once, or it lives inside you day after day. The choice is yours.
