Hey love, listen upIve got a story for you thats a proper British drama. It all started in a little coffee shop on Kings Road, Chelsea. Poppy was sitting at a table, waiting for her friend Sarah. In front of her was a steaming mug of tea and a plate with a custard tart.
James walked in, looking for a cuppa and a moment to think about his next move in life. He was a goodlooking bloke, the sort who could strike up a chat with anyone, and Poppy was a stunning girl, the kind that turns heads. He spotted her straight away and swore up and down she felt the same.
Mind if I join you? he asked, tone so confident you couldnt say no.
Sure, Poppy said, but Im waiting for Sarah, so you wont have to hang around too long.
Actually I dont need long. I just want to meet you and swap numbers. A couple of minutes is plenty.
Poppy raised an eyebrow. And what makes you think Ill give you my number? She broke off a bite of her tart.
James grinned. Because you love sweets, and sweet things are for decent people. Im a sweet lover too, so were a perfect match.
Ah, so youre a decent chap then? she laughed.
Absolutelycant you see it? Im a good lad, I promise, he replied, taking a sip of his tea.
Ive never seen someone so sure of themselves, Poppy said.
And Ive never laid eyes on a beauty like you, James shot back.
Poppy smiled, extended her hand, Poppy.
James, he answered, taking her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, and then leaned in for a kiss that left her a bit flushed.
Hold on a sec, she said, arent you being a bit forward with a stranger?
James waved his hands. Me? Im not the pushy sort, and besides, youre the most gorgeous lady Ive ever laid eyes on.
Poppy lifted her wedding ring on her left hand. Im married, James.
He chuckled. Does that stop anyone? Todays hitched, tomorrows not. Marriage these days is fragile, love.
She sighed. In my family, marriage is forever. I think its time we say goodbye.
James tried to keep his cool. Come on, we could just exchange numbersno strings attached. If we ever feel like chatting again, well need them.
Why would I give you my number? she asked, still sceptical.
Im not cocky, Im just straightforward. If we like each other, why not meet again? he said, flashing that infuriatingly charming smile that made Poppys resolve wobble.
Alright, tell me yours, she said, dictating her number.
Ill call you now, and youll have my number saved. Youll need it later, I promise.
Poppy laughed, Ill keep it safe. Now you should move to another tableIve spotted Sarah, and I dont need any more gossip.
James nodded, Got it. Ill disappear. But Im sure well cross paths again. He scooped up his tea and slipped into the far corner of the shop.
A week later James rang Poppy. Shed been waiting for his call, so they met again at the same coffee shop.
Poppy, James began, Id love to get to know you better.
Poppy took a sip of her tea. James, Im married. I work as a nurse at St. Marys, and I could see us meeting, but my husband Nick is very jealous. She went on, Nicks an exsoldier who now runs a youth combat club. Hes strong, he treats me like a queen, and Id never cheatinfidelity isnt just wrong, its dangerous.
James leaned in, Poppy, Im a software developer. Im not scared of your husband. I just want to be friends, maybe more.
He earned his keep at a modest tech startup, enough to fancy the occasional night out, and he never let a pretty face pass him by. Poppy caught his eye, and he was determined.
They met again, and things quickly got tangled. She told Nick she was on a night shift, then spent the night at Jamess flat. Neither noticed how fast theyd fallen for each other, and they started meeting whenever they could.
One night Poppy called James. Nicks away on a competition for a week, so Im expecting you over tonight.
Is it safe? James asked. Maybe we should meet at my place like usual.
No, I want you at mine. Ill cook a proper romantic dinner, and we can be normal for once. Im fed up hiding in your bachelor pad!
Alright, Ill be there.
That evening James arrived at Poppys flat on the twelfth floor of a thirtystorey block, armed with flowers, a bottle of champagne, a bottle of red wine, a cake and a box of chocolates. Shed whipped up a delicious dinner, the wine did its magic, and after they ate, they headed to the bedroom. The night promised to be as romantic as the candlelit dinner.
Around two in the morning a loud bang sounded at the front door. They jolted upright, clueless about who it could be. Poppy peered through the peephole:
Its Nick, James, its the end! Hide somewhere!
Where? James whispered.
I dont know, figure it out!
Whos that? Poppy murmured, half asleep.
Lenano, Poppyopen up, cant you recognise me? shouted a drunken Nick from the hallway. Forgot my keys at work, so Im banging. Let me in!
Poppy, trembling, looked to James.
Just open the door, what else can we do? Nick slurred, pale as a sheet.
James shoved his belongings under the bed, sprinted to the bathroom in his boxers, and tried to stay quiet.
Where did you get so plastered? Poppy heard him. Why didnt you go home?
Nick babbled about a busted bus and a night out at the local pub with his mates, saying theyd had a few pints and decided to keep drinking.
Just a few pints, Poppy hissed, you cant even stand!
Dont worry, love, Ive got it under control. Just need to use the loo.
Use it tomorrow, Poppy snapped, now get back to bed!
Poppy, I need the loo now! Nick protested. He sang loudly, his deep voice echoing:
No, no, I want to go now, no, no, I need it now!
He staggered towards the bathroom. The flats combined bathroom and toilet was a cramped messwho thought that was a good idea? Poppy froze, heart pounding, imagining the worst. She shut her eyes, braced for a nightmare, but heard nothing from the shower.
James had clambered onto the tiled wall, then onto the little ledge behind the bath, spreading himself flat against the ceiling and walls, clutching the tiles for dear life. Nick, eyes fixed on the toilet, didnt notice him at all. He clambered onto the loo, kept crooning his drunk anthem, while Poppy, shaking like a leaf, stared at the door, clueless where James had vanished.
When James saw Nicks hulking frame and fists, he realised if Nick spotted him it would be the end of his love lifemaybe even his last day. So he stayed as still as possible, holding his breath.
Nick lingered, singing, the smell of stale gin and the sewer mixing in the cramped space, making Jamess nose itch. He tried to pull his hand away to wipe his nose, but the wall held him. He felt himself starting to slip, and a massive sneeze burst out, echoing like thunder in the tiny room.
Suddenly Nick looked up and, halfseeing, thought hed seen a crucifix on the wall. He froze, eyes wide, then clambered off the toilet, tripping and collapsing onto the floor, dazed.
James seized the chance, bolted out of the bathroom, grabbed his bag, and bolted down the stairs in his boxers, the only thing he wore. The buildings fast lifts were useless for himfear made him sprint like a madman.
He burst out onto the street, heart hammering, while Poppy, pale as a sheet, watched the chaos unfold, still not fully understanding what had just happened.
A few minutes later Nick came round, blinking, looking around for his mate. He saw nothing.
Maybe drink a bit less, Poppy chided him later, when he tried to explain his nighttime vision.
And that, my dear, is how a simple coffee shop flirt turned into a fullblown midnight catastrophe. Cheers.
