So Dad wants to come back? Mary blinked at Alex, who was trying to explain his father’s sudden wish. Weve been officially strangers for almost fifteen years since the divorce.
Thats how it is, Alex said, searching for the right words. I get it, people make mistakes when theyre young, but now theres nothing left to share.
Theres really nothing at all, apart from you, Mary replied, puzzled. You and Sarah are adults, you have your own families, you decide who you talk to. What does that make me?
Dad figured you wouldnt want to hear him, so he asked me and my sister to put in a word, Alex defended himself. It would have put Sarahs mind at ease if we knew you were still living together and looking out for each other.
Mary hadnt finished gathering her thoughts when her daughter Emma called, dragging the painful subject into a fresh conversation.
Mum, you have to understand, its our dad and hes unwell now, Emma pleaded.
When your dad was young and full of energy, he barely remembered I existed. Now, out of the blue, he wants to change, Mary tried not to let the irritation show. Youve forgotten he abandoned us for another woman years ago!
He and his new partner have been apart for ages, and it would be nice if you two lived together, especially now that were getting older, Emma pressed her point.
Mary felt a heaviness settle over her after the chat. She had given everything to the children, never tried to rebuild a life after the split, fearing it might hurt them, since both had struggled with their parents separation during their teenage years. Now it seemed they were speaking different languages, barely hearing one another. A flash of the day Alan walked out resurfaced, making it even worse.
You know, I dont love you anymore, he had said then, averting his gaze. Ive met someone else and plan to stay with her for the rest of my days.
What about us, the kids? Mary had asked, voice trembling.
Youll just have to go on as before, without me, he continued. The flat stays with you; Ill keep in touch and send money when I can, but I dont love you any more.
Did you ever think how the kids would take your departure at our age? Mary could hardly believe it.
Theyll be fine. Let them learn the realities of adult life; its not right to live without love, sorry, he replied, signalling the end of the discussion.
Alan kept his word: he didnt claim the flat in the divorce and stayed with his new partner. He met the children on neutral ground, too nervous to step back into the house, while his new wife never invited them over. Mary tried once to explain the divorce to Alex and Emma, but they didnt want the details.
Dad told us its his decision and asked us to respect it, Alex said, now a grown man. Its tough with Sarah, but eventually itll settle down.
Nothing settled for Mary. She missed Alan, wept into her pillow at night, and turned down friends attempts to set her up with anyone else. He only resurfaced in her life when he needed the kids. One afternoon Alan called.
Were heading off on holiday, and I left the fishing gear on the loft shelf, he said. Can I pick it up on Saturday? I asked the kids to bring it, but they didnt know where it was.
Sure, come by, Mary answered as calmly as she could.
She spent the days before Saturday replaying the conversation in her head, planning to show Alan she could thrive without him, perhaps meeting him in full parade. Then she thought it might look ridiculous and changed her mind.
Youve lost weight, she said, watching Alan pack his boxes. Is your new wife not feeding you?
She does, I just work a lot, he muttered, avoiding the subject.
If you need, I can cook for you, or send your wife my favourite recipes, Mary blurted, knowing how absurd she sounded but unable to stop.
Sarcasm isnt your style, Tom, a longtime friend, said wearily. Were strangers now. Well always have the kids, maybe grandchildren, and thats that.
Are you sure about that? Mary asked, hopeful.
Absolutely, Alan replied decisively.
He left for his new wife, and Mary sat alone in the kitchen, crying for herself. In the year after the divorce shed lost a lot of weight, then tried to pull herself together. It wasnt easy; she put on a brave face while secretly hoping Alan would have a change of heart and return. She knew people would judge, but she was ready to take him back and forget the past.
Dad and his woman split, the kids told Mary three years later. Hes moved into a room in a student hall.
The news oddly sparked a flicker of hope that Alan might come back. Mary started dressing sharply, caring for herself, and waited for his first move. Her friends teased that shed finally sorted her love life, but they didnt delve deeper, keeping the mood light. Alan never returned; instead he settled with another woman. He even attended his sons wedding, but showed up alone at Sarahs.
Why alone? Mary asked.
Irene was on a business trip, couldnt make it, but she sent her wishes, he answered calmly.
With time Mary looked at the whole mess differently, let go of waiting, and found solace in work, a countryside cottage, and spare moments for herself. The kids had their own lives; she filled hers with friends, family, flowers, and one day rescued a stray cat and brought it home. Life settled into a decent rhythm, until a sudden talk with the children left her uneasy for a few days. Then she saw Alan outside the block, returning from work.
You know, I thought we should leave the bad stuff behind, he said, sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of tea. Most of our lives are behind us, the negativity has overgrown, and its not worth revisiting. Lets spend the rest of our days together and raise grandchildren.
Be honest, why come back to our flat instead of staying with any of your current partners? Mary asked, no longer pretending to be cheerful.
My health isnt what it used to be, Im retiring next year, he replied plainly. I figured the kids are good to us, theyll still bring a glass of water when were old.
Do you remember saying we were strangers? she said, meeting his eyes. I understood it much later, and now I completely agree.
So you wont take me back? he asked.
Dont worry, you said the kids are good, they wont abandon you, Mary replied. You crossed me off your life years ago; let it stay that way.
Alan left, and Mary remained in her favourite armchair. She switched off her phone, knowing he would soon call the children and theyd start bombarding her with questions. All she wanted now was quiet and peace. Shed waited so long for his return that it finally burned out. Had Alan spoken of growing old together, she might have taken him back. Instead he cared only for his comfort, and no one was there to console Mary. She had her children, friends, cottage, and cat, and that seemed more than enough.
