At sixtyfive I realised the worst thing wasnt being alone it was begging my own children to call, knowing I was a burden to them.
Hi Mum, I need you urgently, my sons voice crackled over the handset, sounding more like a demanding boss than a son.
Nina Peters froze, remote still in her hand, the evening news never turning on.
Hey Kieran, whats up? she asked.
Nothing, all good, he replied impatiently. Katie and I booked a lastminute flight for tomorrow morning.
Whos looking after the Duke? he continued. Hes a massive, drooly mastiff that takes up more room in my tiny flat than the old sideboard.
How long? Nina asked cautiously, already knowing the answer.
For a week, maybe two, if all goes well. Mum, who else can we ask? Leaving him at a kennel would be cruel you know how sensitive he is.
Nina glanced at her sofa, freshly reupholstered in a light fabric shed been saving for months, denying herself small luxuries. The mastiff would ruin it in days.
Kieran, Im not comfortable I just finished the renovations, she said.
What renovations? Did you redo the wallpaper? his tone turned sharp with irritation. The dog is wellbehaved, you just need to walk him. Katies calling, we have to pack. Well be there in an hour.
A series of quick beeps followed, without a single question about how she was, nor a birthday wish her sixtyfifth birthday had passed the week before.
Shed spent the whole day preparing her signature salad, putting on a new dress, waiting for the promised visit that never came. Kierans short text read, Ma, at work. See you later. Olivia hadnt replied at all. And today, I need help urgently.
Nina lowered herself onto the sofa. The problem wasnt the dog or the ruined upholstery. It was the humiliating feeling of being an emergency service, a lastminute fix, a human utility.
She remembered dreaming, long ago, that her children would grow up independent. Now she understood that the real terror was not an empty flat, but the heartstopping pause waiting for a call that arrived only when she was needed for something inconvenient.
A knock came an hour later. Kieran stood at the door, leash in hand, Duke bounding inside, leaving muddy paw prints on the clean floor.
Heres his food and toys, Mum. Three walks a day, remember. Were off to catch our flight! he thrust the leash at her, kissed her cheek and vanished.
Nina was left in the hallway as Duke nosed the arm of a chair. From somewhere in the flat the sound of tearing fabric drifted.
She stared at her phone. Should she call Olivia? Maybe shed understand. But her finger hovered, frozen. Olivia hadnt called in a month surely she was busy with her own life.
In that moment Nina felt a cold, clear realization: enough was enough.
Morning broke with Duke leaping onto the bed, leaving two dirty paw prints on the crisp sheets. The newly upholstered sofa now bore three torn spots, and her beloved ficus, nurtured for five years, lay on the floor with chewed leaves.
She poured herself a glass of valerian tonic, dialed Kieran. He answered after a pause, the sound of waves and Katies laughter in the background.
Mum, whats wrong? Everythings great here, the sea is perfect!
Kieran, the dog is destroying the flat. Hes ripped the sofa, I cant manage him.
In what sense? Hes never scratched anything before. Maybe youre keeping him locked up? He needs space. We just arrived, we want to relax. Let him out longer, hell settle.
I walked him two hours this morning! He pulls the leash so hard I almost fell. Please, could you find another place for him?
Silence stretched. Then Kierans voice hardened.
Mum, are you serious? Were on the other side of the world. How am I supposed to take him back? You agreed to this. Is this selfish of you?
The word selfish slapped her like a slap. She, whod lived for them, now seemed selfish.
Right, Katies got cocktails, keep Duke busy. Im sure youll get along. He hung up.
Ninas hands trembled as she sat at the kitchen table, the sense of powerlessness almost physical. She decided to call Olivia, who had always been the more sensible one.
Olivia, hi.
Hey Mum, whats the emergency?
Kieran left his mastiff with me and flew off. Hes out of control, tearing up the furniture, Im scared hell bite me.
Olivia sighed. Mum, Kieran asked for help, it was an emergency. Were family. Replace the sofa, hell pay you back later.
Its not about the sofa! Its about how he put me in this position!
Stop. Youre retired, you have plenty of time. Look after the dog, whats the big deal? Ive got to go, the boss is watching.
The call ended. Family now seemed a word for people who remembered you only when they needed something, and called you selfish if you couldnt instantly comply.
Later that evening a neighbour from downstairs pounded on the door, furious.
Nina! Your dog has been barking nonstop for three hours! My baby cant sleep! If you dont quiet him Ill call the police!
Duke barked happily, confirming the neighbours claim. Nina shut the door, looked at the wagging tail, then at the torn sofa, then at her phone, feeling a slow, heavy irritation building.
She grabbed the leash.
Come on, Duke, lets walk.
Through the park she felt the tension in her shoulders turn into a dull ache. Duke lunged forward, nearly snapping the leash from her weakened grasp. Each tug echoed the accusations of selfish, too much free time, hard to help.
A familiar figure appeared, Zinnia Blake, an old colleague, bright scarf, stylish bob, smile.
Nina! I barely recognised you still swamped? Another grandkid? she laughed, nodding at Duke.
Its Kierans dog, Nina muttered.
Oh right! Youre always the familys goto. Im off to Spain next week for a flamenco workshop. My husbands fine with it, says I deserve a break. When did you last have one?
The question hung in the air. Nina couldnt recall. Rest for her had always meant the garden, grandchildren, helping the kids.
You look exhausted, Zinnia said sympathetically. You cant carry everyones load. Let the kids manage themselves. Otherwise youll end up looking after their dogs forever while life passes you by. Ive got a rehearsal, sorry!
She slipped away, leaving a trail of expensive perfume and an echo of while life passes you by.
Those words hit Nina like a detonator. She stopped dead, Duke stared at her in surprise. She looked at the massive dog, her hands gripping the leash, at the grey houses beyond her window.
She understood she could not keep doing this. Not one more day, not one more hour.
She opened her laptop, trembling fingers typing best dog boarding hotel UK. The first result showed a glossy site: spacious runs, heated pools, grooming salon, private training with a certified trainer, prices that made her gasp.
She dialled the number.
Good afternoon, Id like to book a twoweek stay, full board and spa, for a dog.
She called a black cab to the park, where Duke sat unusually calm, as if sensing the change. The boarding facility smelled of lavender and expensive shampoo. A smiling receptionist handed her a contract.
Nina filled in Owner with Kierans name and number, and Payer with the same details. She paid the deposit from the money shed set aside for a new coat the best investment shed ever made.
Well send daily photos to the owner, the receptionist assured, taking the leash. Your pup will love it here.
Back in her quiet, slightly battered flat, Nina felt, for the first time in years, a genuine peace. She brewed tea, settled on the edge of the salvaged sofa and sent two identical messages one to Kieran, one to Olivia.
Duke is safe at the boarding hotel. All questions, contact the owner.
She muted her phone.
Three minutes later it buzzed with Kierans name. She took a sip of tea and didnt answer. Another buzz, then a message from Olivia: Mum, whats happening? Call me back right away!
She turned up the TV volume, aware of the storm brewing on the other end. Panic, anger, attempts to understand how their supposedly reliable mother could act so.
Two days later a determined knock came. Kieran and Olivia stood on the doorstep, suntanned and angry, their holiday clearly ruined.
Are you mad, Mum? What hotel? Look at this bill! Youre trying to bankrupt us over a dog? Kieran shouted.
Good afternoon, children, Nina replied calmly. Come in, wipe your shoes, Ive just mopped the floor.
Her calm diffused the tension. Kieran surveyed the shredded sofa, a toppled plant pot.
This is the damage the dog caused, she said, handing him a neatly printed invoice for upholstery repair and a new ficus.
Youre charging me for this? he sputtered. You should have looked after him!
For the first time in years Im looking at you with curiosity, not love, Nina said. I owe you nothing, and you owe me nothing. Were not here to settle accounts for a hotel stay.
Olivia tried to mediate. Mum, why this extreme reaction? Were family, we could sort it out. Why threaten to sell the cottage?
Extremes happen when a son accuses his mother of selfishness for not letting his house turn into a ruin, and a daughter says you have plenty of time to babysit her brothers dog. Those are the consequences of your choices, Nina replied.
Kierans face flushed. I wont pay a penny for this or the hotel!
Fine, Nina said, I wasnt counting on that. Ill just sell the cottage.
The cottage, where they had planned barbecues, sauna evenings, and lazy summers, was suddenly at risk.
Dont Olivia began, but Nina shrugged. The paperwork is in my name. Childhood ends, Nina. The money from the sale will cover the losses, maybe fund a trip to Spain. Zinnia says its beautiful there.
They stared at a woman theyd never truly known not the timid, obedient mother, but a woman with a steel spine theyd never imagined.
For the first time in years, a heavy silence settled in the room. It was the discomfort of realization. They had lost.
A week later Kieran transferred the exact amount to Ninas bank account. No apologies, no more calls. Nina didnt wait for them. She retrieved an almostnew suitcase from the attic, phoned Zinnia.
Hi Zinnia, is there still a spot in your flamenco class?
