Ill call her, he muttered, his voice trailing as he edged toward the door.
Your lover rang. She says hello, Eleanor shouted from the hallway, never taking her eyes off the stove where a familiar scent rose from the pan, something as comforting as the life theyd shared for two decades.
Andrew froze on the kitchen threshold. Twentyfive yearsa whole lifetimeflashed before him in an instant. The keys slipped from his fingers, clattered onto the floor with a harsh metallic clang that seemed to pierce the silence.
What are you talking about? A lover? his voice trembled, laying bare the fear and turmoil of the past months. He felt the ground give way beneath him.
Alice. Your assistant, I suppose? Eleanor finally turned, arms crossed over her chest. Shes twentyfive, says shes been with you four months now. Congratulations, darling!
The pain in her eyes was such that Andrew wanted to sink into the earth or wake upwake up and find it all a nightmare.
Ellen, Ill explain he began, but the words lodged in his throat.
Explain? What exactly will you explain, Andrew? How you had fun with your secretary while I was running from one doctor to another? Or how you lied, saying you were working late?
The pan hissed, and the smell of burnt meat filled the room. Eleanor flicked the gas off, as if that could halt the ache, the bitterness, the betrayal.
You know whats the most disgusting? she whispered. I saw it coming. All those meetings, latenight calls, trips away I believed you, like a fool, I believed!
Ellen, listen Andrew took a step toward his wife, but she thrust her hand out, as if building an invisible wall.
Dont come near! tears flashed in her eyes. Lord, how vile twenty years for a cats tail!
Stop, he tried to steady himself, his voice shaking. Lets talk calmly. Its all complicated.
Complicated? Eleanor laughed, a sound that edged into sobs. Whats complicated about it? Youve taken a young lover. Shes fled into your arms, and I her voice crackedIm just an old woman who cant have children, is that it?
Dont say that! he pressed forward, reaching to embrace her.
She twisted away, as if scalded. In the next heartbeat a sharp slap split the kitchens quiet.
Get out, she hissed, her voice trembling. Get out of my house, out of his out of wherever she is. If she could give you what I never could.
Ellen
Leave! she snapped, snatching the salt cellar from the table and flinging it at him.
The salt burst across the floor, white crystals glinting in the lamplight. A bad omen, he thought.
Ill call her, he muttered again, shuffling toward the door.
Eleanor turned to the window, shoulders shaking as if from cold, though the street outside had been warm for weeks.
In the hallway, pulling his coat hastily over his shoulders, he heard a muffled sob. His hand froze on the doorhandle. What could he possibly say? How could he justify the betrayal?
The front door slammed shut. The empty flat fell eerily silent, save for the ticking of the grandfather clocka wedding gift from his parentsthat had marked each second of their shared life for twentyfive years.
Eleanor sank slowly into a kitchen chair, her gaze falling on the spilled salt. They say it brings misfortune, she mused, then burst into a hysterical laugh. It was as if the crystals on the dark floor had shattered her world.
His phone, tucked in his coat pocket, buzzed. Eleanor snatched it with trembling fingers. A text from an unknown number read: Im sorry. I never meant for this to happen. Alice.
Wretch, Eleanor whispered, clutching the phone to her chest. Little scoundrel
Outside, rain began to patter. The first drops hit the sill like a melancholy xylophone.
She rose, grabbed a broom and dustpan, and while scooping up the salt, a foolish thought crossed her mind: I never even asked whether shes expecting a boy or a girl
She halted, the dustpan clenched in her hand. The rain, the ticking clock, the saltall blended into a continuous stream, as if her life now existed only in these minutiae. Nothing else remained.
Andrew sat in his car, staring at his phone. Fifteen missed calls from his motherEleanor, of course, had called her sisterinlaw. Shed always adored her daughterinlaw.
So what now? he asked his reflection in the rearview mirror. A weary fortyfiveyearold man stared back, judgment in his eyes.
The phone buzzed again. Alice flashed on the screen.
Yes, love
Where are you? her voice trembled, on the brink of tears. I was so scared she was terrifying!
Who? Andrew asked, confused.
Your wife! She came to my office, caused a scene
What? When?
An hour ago, Alice sobbed. She screamed in the whole office that Id ruined your family, threw papers at me they were her test results.
He dropped his head onto the steering wheel with a groan.
I didnt know Alice continued, voice cracking. I truly didnt know you couldnt have children. I thought you just didnt want them
Aha, a flash of memory crossed his mind. I knew and still
Come back, she pleaded. Im scared being alone.
Im on my way, he muttered.
He turned the ignition, but the car shuddered before moving; the phone rang againthis time his mother.
Yes, Mum.
Ah, you dog! her voice roared through the handset. What have you done? Lost your conscience?
Mum
Silence! Ellens in tears, barely held together. All those years together and you?
I
Im done with you! Until you fix yourself, dont call, dont appear at the door!
She slammed the receiver. Andrew let the phone drop onto his lap, as if it had suddenly become too heavy. The engine hummed low, the world outside quiet.
He glanced at Eleanors house. Warm light glowed from the windows, but he could not go there. He could go nowhere.
He switched off the engine. The car sighed and fell silent. He was left alone in a deafening hush.
A short burst of beeps rang from the handset.
Damn he whispered, slamming his hands on the steering wheel until his fingers cramped.
Another message buzzed: Divorce papers will be ready in a week. Pick up your things at the weekend. Im leaving.
He read it over and over. The words didnt form a coherent whole. Divorce. All of it. Twentyfive years. Crumbled to dust.
A fresh call came inAlice.
Are you coming? My stomach hurts
On my way! he shouted, yanking the wheel as if it might tear him out of the nightmare.
Rain hammered harder, wipers struggling, the city dissolving into grey smears against the windscreen.
Another buzzlikely his mother again. He didnt look. What difference did it make? Everything was already spilling apart.
A year earlier, Alice had joined Andrews firm as an intern. Young, bright, eyes full of hope, looking at him with the same admiration Eleanor once held during their university days.
Then came a corporate party, a flirtatious touch, and the rest. He remembered convincing his wife he was busy at work while whisking Alice to restaurants, buying flowers, falling in love as if he were a boy again. He rented a flat for secret meetings, watched her glow with happiness, dream of a future.
Fool, he thought, staring at the rainslicked road. Old fool.
The phone rang again.
Its not Alice, Eleanors voice said, unusually calm. Ive done a test. Guess what? Im expecting a child too.
Time seemed to freeze. A sudden screech of brakes, a crash, darkness.
The doctor said: myocardial infarction, plus head trauma. Condition serious.
Eleanor stood by the ICU window, watching the man tangled in tubes and wires. Beside her sat Alice, her plump face hidden in her hands, soft sobs escaping.
Stop wailing, Eleanor said, not looking up. Youre not in a drama.
Sorry Alice whispered, wiping tears. Its just the baby
Yes, of course, Eleanor sneered. A baby without a father how amusing. And I, without a husband splendid, isnt it?
You you too? Alice asked, eyes flicking to Eleanors barely visible belly.
Got pregnant too? Eleanor chuckled. Twentyfive years nothing, then bam! Stress, perhaps.
The heart monitor ticked steadily. Rain drummed the windows as it had for three days, refusing to let anyone forget life beyond the sterile walls.
You know, Eleanor began, never breaking eye contact with the lifeless form, I loved him from the first term. He was skinny, glasses, everyone laughed at me, asking what I saw in him. I saw the man he truly was
Alice tugged at the curtain, as if something hidden there might save her.
Then the wedding, Eleanor continued, as if speaking to an empty room. Rings, veil, everything proper. His mother cheered, Shell be a good daughterinlaw. And I became the defective one.
Dont say that, Alice murmured, her voice as soft as a falling leaf.
How should I say it? Eleanor snapped, eyes sharp as a knife. Do you know how many doctors Ive seen? How many procedures? And he kept telling me, Dont worry, love, well manage without children. He lied. Plainly lied.
He loves you, Alice said, but even she seemed unconvinced.
Even when he used you? Eleanor laughed, a harsh cackle. He was a proper rogue.
Alice flinched, covering her belly, as if to shield herself from the pain.
I thought we had love, she whispered, eyes on the floor. He was so tender
And I, therefore, Eleanor said with a sneer, a bitchy, careerdriven wife? Childless?
No! I didnt Alice fell silent, lost for words.
The funniest part, Eleanor interjected, is I almost understand you. Young, in love you saw a successful man, lost your head. I was the same. Only my mistake is that the man is still my husband.
In the ward, Andrew shifted slightly. Both women leaned forward, then fell silent again.
What shall we do? Alice asked, breaking the hush.
What will you do? Eleanor asked, weary. Andrew will have two heirs or heiresses. What difference does it make?
And he? Alice pressed.
What about him? Eleanor replied, bitterness softening into a wry smile. He can choose. Either the old wife with a limp or the young lover with a bump.
Im not staking a claim, Alice began, trying to pull herself out of the tangled words.
Yet youre all staking claims, Eleanor cut in. All of you. Listen, girl twentyfive years is mine, understand? You jumped onto a train that isnt yours. Its not your route, not your station.
A nurse coughed softly from the doorway.
Excuse me, visiting hours are over.
Yes, of course, Eleanor straightened. Lets go, dear. Ill show you where the tea trolley is. We still have a long stay ahead.
A week later Andrew awoke in a hospital bed, his eyes meeting his wifes gentle hand resting on his abdomen. The thought struck him: How did I never notice?
Ellen? his voice rasped, foreign to his own ears.
She flinched, eyes widening.
Arrived, handsome? she teased, a faint smile tugging at her lips. I thought you were up there, flitting with angels.
Sorry
Dont start, Ellen snapped, pouting. Your solicitor was here. I wont split the flattake it if you like. Keep the car; youll need it more. Ive quit my job.
What? Andrew tried to rise, panic flooding his face. Why?
Im moving back to Loxley, to my parents, she said calmly, as if discussing the weather. The air is cleaner there. Better for the child.
Ellen, please
Its necessary, Andrew. Its necessary. She smiled, not joyfully but with a sigh of relief. Ive thought a lot while you lay here in the blackout. I was a foolish fool, believing in you. Not because I trusted you, but because I feared life without you.
I love you, he whispered, as if those words could mend the broken.
You love? she tilted her head, not looking at him. Perhaps, in your own way. Like a habit, a part of life. But I wont be a habit, understand?
She rose, dusted off her dress as if shedding a weight not her own.
Alice visited every day. She cried, said shed give up all claims. Silly thing I gave her the number of a good gynaecologist and a realtor to find a bigger flat. A onebedroom wont do with a baby.
You what? Andrew could not believe his ears, staring at her.
Whats so shocking? she shrugged. Were now in the same boat. Better said, the same position funny, isnt it? All those empty years, and now suddenly two of us. They say misfortune never comes alone. Happiness doesnt either.
Outside, a spring thunderstorm rolled, tearing the day into pieces.
Dont linger, Ellen leaned in, kissed his forehead lightly, as if it were a simple, ordinary farewell. Ive called a cab, sent my things away. Sign the divorce papers when youre betterwhere else to hurry?
Ellen
You know, she paused at the doorway, turning back, I truly loved you. To the point of madness, of trembling but now Im letting go. It feels like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for that.
She left, quietly closing the door. A faint scent of her perfume lingered, the same she had received each wedding anniversary.
Andrew stared out at the window where spring thunder mixed rain and sleet. In the damp March town two women now carried his children in their heartsdifferent yet oddly alike worlds, two diverging paths, one tangled story.
He thought, I wonder if the children will be friends, or will they share a life together?
