**Diary Entry**
Say that again?
Emily stood in the middle of the sitting room, her fingers gripping the back of an armchair so tightly her knuckles whitened. She stared at James, the man she had been married to for nearly twenty yearsthe man she thought she knew as well as herself. They had never had childrenfirst it was “not the right time,” then “we should wait,” until eventually it just never happened. They had weathered it all together: the mortgage, the renovations, the lean years, the rare holidays. Their marriage had seemed steady and secureno grand passions, but warm, familiar, solid.
James sighed heavily. His face twisted like he had a toothache, guilt written in every line as he looked at Emily and repeated himself slowly, as if explaining something unbearably complicated.
A few years ago, I had a fling, he muttered, eyes fixed on the carpet pattern rather than meeting her gaze. A stupid mistake, just a slip. We were going through a rough patch, remember? I messed up, I admit it and now shes back.
Emily stayed silent, her chest tightening into a hard knot as she braced for what was coming.
She found me, James continued, still not looking up. Told me I have a daughter. Shes three.
The world tilted beneath Emilys feet. Right then, in that instant, her life and marriage shattered.
Em, I swear to you, James stepped forward, reaching for her. I feel nothing for that woman. I love only you, and Ill stay with you. Ill help the child financiallybecause children shouldnt suffer for adults mistakesbut I dont want them. I want *you*.
Emily sank into the chair, arms wrapped around herself. Tears burned down her cheeks, but she barely noticed. James crouched beside her, hesitantly touching her shoulder.
We can start over, Em, he whispered, his voice almost pleading. It was an accident, a slip. Shes no threat to us. I promise. Please, darling, forgive me
It took months before Emily could forgive him. Her love proved stronger than the humiliation, the pain. She truly believed they could fix itthat twenty years of marriage wouldnt crumble over one foolish mistake. James was so grateful, so tender, she almost convinced herself the worst was behind them.
But time proved her wrong. James began disappearing more often”just dropping off a gift for Sophie,” or “shes got a school play, I cant miss it.” Soon, he spoke of the little girl with a smile Emily hadnt seen in years. Then he mentioned the motherfirst casually, then with warmth.
Lucys doing well, he said over dinner, cutting into his roast. Shes a good mum. And Sophieshes got my eyes, my stubborn streak.
Emily tried not to notice how he changed, how his face lit up at their names. But the pain only grew sharper. James stayed late at work, vanished on weekends, cancelled their rare evenings alone. She was fading from his life, replaced by the woman who had given him the one thing she couldnt.
The final straw came the night of the theatre. A rare date, one Emily had looked forward to for weeks. Shed bought a new navy dress. Done her hair. Held onto hope.
But an hour before they were meant to leave, James called. She knew before he spokethe night was over.
Sophies running a fever, he said quickly, tense. Lucys panickingthe GP wont be here for hours. I *have* to go. You understand, dont you?
He didnt return until morning. Emily knew hed slept under *her* roof. With *their* child. She couldnt pretend anymore.
Its always them now! she shouted, hands shaking. Her, Sophie*never* me! When did you last ask how I was? When did we last spend a weekend together?
James only sighed. No guilt leftjust exhaustion.
Em, shes *my daughter*. I cant just ignore her. You wouldnt understand.
That was when Emily knewhis “mistake” had become something else entirely. Lucy and Sophie were his life now, his real family. She was just a ghost of the past.
What happened to your promises? she asked softly, sitting across from him. You swore they meant nothing. That you loved only me. Remember?
James rubbed his temples, silence stretching until it shouted louder than words.
I meant it then, he admitted at last. But I love Sophie. Shes clever, funny and I love Lu He caught himself, but it was too late.
Emily already knew.
Youre sleeping with her.
A nod. No point lying now.
And *Im* not family? Her voice turned icy. Twenty years*nothing*?
Its different when theres a child, James insisted. You wouldnt get it.
Oh, *now* you care about children? Emily laughed, bitter. Every time *I* brought it up, it was wrong time, not enough money. But suddenly *our* marriage isnt enough?
James looked at her helplessly.
I was wrong then. But I have a daughter now. We can figure this out. We dont have to
Divorce? Emily cut in. What would *Lucy* say? Oh waitshe slept with a married man. Clearly shames not an issue.
Dont talk about her like that, James snapped. Shes a good woman. A brilliant mother.
And Im a bad wife? Fine. Let it be so.
She turned and marched to the bedroom, flinging clothes into a suitcase. James followed, lost.
Em, *talk* to me. We can work this out.
*Work it out*? She didnt look up. Ive endured three years of your double life. Watched you become a stranger. Ive humiliated myself enough.
Where will you go? he asked weakly. The house is half yours.
Ill take my half, she said, snapping the suitcase shut. Twenty years counts for something. Then you can play happy familiesjust dont expect me to watch.
He grabbed her wrist. She wrenched free like hed burned her.
I never meant for this to happen.
Nothing *just happens*, she said coldly. You chose them. Live with it.
—
A month later, the divorce finalised, Emily moved into a small flat across town. Bright. Empty. The silence was deafening. She wandered the rooms, unused to being alonecooking for one, sleeping in a half-empty bed.
In the park, she watched mothers push prams, children laugh on swings. Because of James, shed lost her chance at a child of her own.
But she wasnt giving up. Her phone was open to adoption websites. Somewhere, a child waitedone she could love fiercely, honestly. Shed have a family again. A *real* one.
**Lesson learned:** Love shouldnt mean erasing yourself. And sometimes, starting over is the bravest thing you can do.
