The Return
Gavin climbed the narrow stairs into the courtyard. In the basement of a terraced house was the computer repair shop where hed worked the last two months. The sky hung heavy with grey clouds, but no rain fell. The October air was unseasonably warm. It was already growing dark, though barely five in the evening.
He had no car and only took the bus in foul weather. Gavin shrugged and walked out of the yard. Once, hed been an IT specialist with a decent salary, a family. But after a string of absurd and tragic events, hed lost them, started drinking, then lost his job too An old university mate had taken him into the shop to fix computers.
He drank, showed up late, sometimes didnt show at all. Today, Simon had said that though Gavin was a naturalcould fix anything, even half-drunk, better than any sober manpatience had its limits. If he kept this up, hed have to let him go. Gavin knew he was teetering on the edge, sliding into the abyss. And it scared him. If Simon kicked him out, where would he go?
Darkness gathered swiftly, streetlights flickering to life. His body ached for a drink, his jaw tight with craving. Passing cafés, shops, pubs, and takeouts, Gavin kept his eyes down, hunched his shoulders, and quickened his pace. He could hold out. He had promised Simon.
He didnt think himself an alcoholic, but two days was his limit without a drink. Nights were worst. Without it, sleep wouldnt come.
There was the little takeout he often stopped at on his way home. Better to nip in for a quick half-pint than buy a whole bottle at the shop and drink alone. But he knew himselfit wouldnt stop there. Hed bump into someone, linger, drink until he was wrecked. Then wake with a splitting head, a gut full of regret. After a moments hesitation, Gavin walked on.
See? Hed done it. He felt almost heroic. Until the next pub loomed ahead.
His flat was in sight now. One last shop stood between him and home. Gavin paused before the bright window. Shelves stretched into the depths, lined with bottles. They called to him like a lighthouse through fog.
His feet carried him toward the door. Halfway there, he veered off, shoved his hands in his coat pockets, clenched his fists, and hurried past.
“You can still turn back,” a desperate voice whispered in his skull. Gavin broke into a run, breath ragged. He didnt stop until the stairwell door slammed shut behind him.
Sober returns to the flat were rare. Stepping into his bachelors den, he winced at the mess.
The fridge was bleak: a tin of sardines, a quarter-loaf of stale bread, a wedge of hardened cheddar. He ought to nip out for pasta and eggsbut then hed buy a bottle too. Fine. He wouldnt starve.
To distract himself until the shops closed, he cleaned. Tossed scattered clothes into the washer, scrubbed dishes, wiped the crumb-strewn table, mopped the sticky floor. Better. But the scent of laundry detergent couldnt mask the stale reek of booze and smoke.
He checked the clock. Ten trips to the shop before closing, easy. He didnt even need to dress. Then Simons stern face flashed in his mind. Gavin went to the window.
The house across the street glowed with yellow squares of light. He imagined a family gathered around a kitchen table A couple on the sofa, watching telly, their son in the next room pretending to study while listening to music through headphones Just as Gavin had done as a boy
A wave of loneliness nearly choked him.
The washer beeped. Gavin hung the laundry, drank tea with the hardened cheese, and watched the clock tick downten minutes till closing. He could still make it Instead, he dialled his ex-wifes number.
“Gavin, I told you not to call in the evenings.”
“Lovely to hear your voice too. Put Lily on.”
“Are you drunk? Shes been asleep for hours.”
“Im sober.”
A sigh crackled down the line.
“Sober up first. Gavin, dont call again. And leave Lily alone. Shes just starting to get used to Daniel”
He wanted to say Daniel wasnt her father, that she was his daughter, that he missed herbut the line went dead.
Strange that Laura hadnt blocked his number yet. It fed a fragile hopenot all was lost. After all, a womans “no” often meant “not yet.”
Gavin made up the sofa with fresh sheets and lay down, knowing sleep wouldnt come. He wanted a drink, wanted oblivion. But there was nothing left.
***
Hed met Laura at university. She was a year below. Once, in the canteen, shed asked to cut ahead. He didnt mind. She saved him a seat, watching him with interest. Back then, he was top of his class, the lecturers golden boy.
They started seeing each other. Gavin helped with her essays, even wrote her dissertation.
“Whyd you pick this course? Shouldve gone for something softer. How will you work in this field?” hed asked.
“Youll work. Ill raise the baby,” shed laughed.
Thats how he found out she was pregnant. She cooked well, kept a tidy home. Gavin hadnt minded marrying. In time, their daughter Lily was born.
When she started nursery, Laura took a job as a PA at a construction firm, putting her computer skills to use. She dressed sharper, wore makeup. Sometimes, Gavin saw her dropped off by someone in a car.
“I want to buy a car,” shed announced once.
Gavin had dreamed of one too, but couldnt afford it. Hed plunged into debt for the flatno room for a car.
While he repaid loans, his mum died. They rented out her flat, and Laura took a car loan. Gavin snapped. Theyd rowed.
“Gavin, Im tired. Tired of scraping by I cant live like this,” shed shouted.
“Is there someone else?” hed asked bluntly.
“Yes. Im sorry. But I have to think of Lily”
What? As if he didnt? Hed slammed the door. Thank God he had somewhere to gohis mums flat was free. Good thing he hadnt let Laura talk him into selling it. Unused to living alone, hed started drinking to numb the ache.
He tortured himself, picturing another man in his placedrinking from his mug, sleeping in his bed Had she ever loved him? Just used him for his brains? He drank to stop thinking. Slowly, it consumed him. Then came the sack.
***
Gavin must have slept. He dreamed of wandering through fog, searching for someone, unable to call out. Then a voice: “Oliver!” But Laura only ever used his surname. He woke, heart hammering.
It took a moment to remember where he was. No more sleep. He sat in the kitchen, smokingone perk of bachelor life. Laura wouldve banished him to the stairwell by now.
Simon raised an eyebrow at his early arrival, sniffed the air.
“Didnt drink,” Gavin said. “Can I nip out at lunch?”
“Thirsty already?” Simon frowned.
“Want to see my daughter. Before she forgets me.”
“Fine. But youll make up the time.”
Gavin promised.
He perched on a bench in the schoolyard, watching the gates. Didnt dare go closerno desire to bump into Daniel. The man always looked at Gavin like he was something scraped off a shoe.
No cars today. Kids streamed out. No Lily. Had she fallen ill? Then he spotted her pink coat. He sprang up, wavingjust as a black SUV pulled up, blocking his view.
Suddenly uneasy, he darted around the car. The rear door hung open. A flash of pinkor his eyes playing tricks? A hooded figure yanked the door shut. Gavin thrust out his hand. The door crushed his fingers.
Pain shot up his arm, exploded in his skull. Darkness swallowed his vision.
“Daddy!” Lily shoved the door from inside, tumbling onto him. The car screeched away, clipping his thigh.
Gavin sat on wet tarmac, his hand throbbing, heavy as concrete.
“Broad daylight”
“Someone call the police”
“Drunk idiots”
“That man tried to grab herhe saved her”
“Daddy!” Lily sobbed in his ear.
Voices reached him dimly, muffled.
An ambulance took them to hospital. Lily must have called Laura, because when he emerged from treatment, they rushed to him.
“Daddy!” Lily clung to him.
“Did you break anything?” Laura asked.
“X-rays clear. Just bruised.”
“Thank you. If you hadnt been there” Lily buried her face in his shoulder.
“I told Mum everything,” she said.
“Daniel was supposed to pick her up. If Id known” Laura sniffed.
“Its alright. Shes safe.” Gavin hugged her with his good arm. She pulled away.
“Come on. Well drive you home.”
In the backseat, Lily eyed his bandaged fingers.
“Does it hurt?”
“Hardly at all.”
“How will you work?” Laura asked from the front. He caught her worried glance in the mirror. Hed have cut off the hand to keep her looking at him like that, not with the old coldness.
At his flat, he offered to fetch Lily from school while he recovered.
“Well manage,” Laura said. They drove off.
But that evening, she called. “Does it still hurt?”
“You cant cook. Ill bring soup tomorrow.”
He didnt want her pity. “Dont bother. Ill cope.”
“I was thinking If its no trouble, meet Lily at noon tomorrow.”
“What about Daniel?” Gavin almost asked. He stayed silent.
Next morning, he didnt call Simonjust showed up. Simon took one look at his swollen fingers and sent him home.
Gavin waited by the school gates, not hiding.
“Mum and Uncle Daniel had a huge row yesterday,” Lily chattered on the walk home. “Dad are you coming back?”
“What about Uncle Daniel?”
“Mum kicked him out. He wasnt at a meetinghe was with his girlfriend. I heard. Mums not home. Come on.” At the door, she tugged him inside.
First time back since the split. Nothing had changedsmall things, like the kettle.
“The old one broke. Mum got a new one. Glad Uncle Daniels gone. I didnt like him.”
Strange, sitting in his old spot, feeling like a guest.
He helped Lily with homework. Only when the front door slammed did he realise hed overstayed.
Laura didnt seem surprised to see him.
“Dinner soon,” she said, vanishing into the kitchen.
They ate together, like old times. Gavin felt as if hed returned from some distant place.
“Finished your homework?” Laura asked Lily.
“Dad helped.”
“I should go.” Gavin stood. “Dinner was great.”
Laura rose too. They stood close, avoiding each others eyes.
“Its late. Stay. Ill make up the sofa.”
Gavin lay rigid, afraid to move. Laura didnt stir eithertoo still to be sleeping.
In the morning, he woke as they were leaving.
“Why up so early? Youre not working,” Laura said. “Lilys got five lessons today. Meet her at one.”
He wandered the flat, ate the toast and tea shed left, washed up despite the pain in his hand.
Yesterday, hed spotted Daniels toothbrush in the bathroom. Today, only two stood in the mugLilys pink one, Lauras green. Had she thrown the third out? Just like shed thrown his away when he left.
How he wanted to stay. What if she came home and told him to go? Should he leave first? What if she didnt? Always these “what ifs.” If she let him stay, hed crawl over broken glass, stay sober, find proper work again. He was good at what he did.
In his jeans, he found twenty quid. He bought a bouquet of pale pink roses from the corner shop.
Laura noticed, said nothing. She hadnt told him to leave. That was something. He still slept on the sofa. But at dinner, she started talking about worklike before.
“Does the secretary still fancy the boss?” Gavin ventured.
“She quit. The new girl and I get on.”
How good it felt, the three of them at the table. Gavin realised he hadnt once thought of drinking since moving back. The craving was gone.
Maybe things would work out. He was sober. Laura hadnt thrown him out. Hed do whatever it took to earn her trust. And hed keep renting out his mums flat
