“Shell regret this!”
Thats what James thought when his wife, Emily, suddenly announced she was filing for divorce. Just yesterday, everything was fineshe was doing his laundry, ironing his shirtsand now, out of nowhere, divorce papers! And for no reason at all! James worked hard, never hit her, barely went out, and only drank a sensible amount.
“What more does she bloody want?!” he fumed. “Found herself some other bloke, has she? The cow! Shell regret this! Shell come crawling back in tears! Ill show her! Just waitshell realise, but itll be too late!”
While he stewed in his anger, Emily was saying the same things shed been saying for years:
“Im exhausted doing everything! I work, clean, cook, look after the kidsIm done! I did the mathsyou cost more than you bring in! When you disappeared for three days last month, I realised lifes easier without you! The house is cleaner, quieter, and I dont have to fry steaks just because you want them! Without you, even the stove stays spotlessI can make a stew that lasts two days without someone wolfing it down in one go! I just want my life to be easier. Im tired. Ive turned into some haggard woman dragging shopping bags around, and I hate how I look when youre near me. Youre embarrassing, expensive, exhausting, and just plain awful!”
“When was the last time you read to Tommy? Never? When did you take him to the park? Bathe him? What does he hear from you besides Go away, Im tired? Do you even know what school hes enrolled in? His teachers name? When he started reception prep? You dont care! You live under the same roof but never speak to him! He either sees his dad passed out drunk on the sofa or asleep with a beer bottle. What kind of example is that? Why does he need a father like you? Do you remember his birthday? No? Then whats the point of you? Im done!”
“Does she ever get tired of repeating herself?” James had wondered just the day before. This same rant came every night while he ate his dinner straight from the panwhatever shed cooked. “Just typical nagging,” he dismissed it. “Shes bored and has nothing better to do.”
Everything was fine! And now thisdivorce out of the blue!
“Shell regret it! Thinks shell find another man? A thirty-year-old single mum? Watchshell beg me back in two days! And then Ill decide if I even want to go!”
“Ive packed your things. I cant stand the sight of you anymore. Get out.”
“Fine!” James shoved the last sausage in his mouth. “Ill go! But whether I come backthats another question!”
He gave her one last chance to change her mindlingering by the door, shuffling his bags, taking ages to tie his shoes. But she didnt budge. “Stubborn cow,” he thought bitterly, annoyed he hadnt eaten more sausages before stomping out.
Off to his mums, then. She started in on him toowhat happened, why did she kick you out, it cant be for no reason
“Oh, it can! She just threw me out over nothing!” James argued. “I did everything for that family! Worked, brought money home! Never enough for heralways moaning about boots or coats, wanting some rich bloke instead. Bet shes already found one! Thats why she kicked me out! Got bored!”
His mum threw her hands up and called Emily, but the conversation clearly went nowhereno one asked James back.
“Doesnt matter. Shell regret it. Whod want a single mum with a kid?” James reasoned, grabbing discounted beer at the shop.
At the first court hearing, Emily looked differentmaybe a new haircut or makeup. She looked good. Smiling. Answered questions nervouslysaid thered been no family for years, that she did everything alone, no help, no involvement with the kid. Just womens nonsense, James scoffed, trying to steady his shaking hands. He needed a drink, but held off before court.
The judgea woman, of coursesmirked:
“Do you drink excessively?”
“I barely touch the stuff!” James huffed. “Maybe two pints after work! Right now, Im stressedmy wife left me!”
“Right,” she said, and gave them three months to reconcile.
James glanced at his almost-ex-wife. Still not regretting it?
“God, are you ever sober?” she wrinkled her nose at him. Guess not.
“Fine, Ill wait,” he decided. “Lets see how shes coping in three months! Bet shell come crawling back!” He loved imagining Emily begging, him refusing, then maybe taking her backbut on his terms.
But for three months, Emily made no effortlike the court order meant nothing. No calls, no texts. Acted like he didnt exist!
“Shes definitely got a new man!” But cautious checks with mates and social media showed nothing.
So, at the next hearing, James expected triumphshed finally see how awful life was without him.
“Shell be in tears!” He even told his mum, “Shell drop the divorce, no question. Shes realised her mistake!”
But Emily wasnt smiling this time. Just serious, focused. Still wanted the divorce. “Waiting for me to beg,” James thought smugly. “Not happening.”
Somehow, they got divorced. James didnt object. Then came the awkward bitchild custody.
“Tommy stays with me,” Emily said. “His fathers never cared. Ask himwhens his sons birthday?”
“James William Carter, when is your sons birthday?” the judge asked, smirking.
James fumbled for the paperworksurely it was written somewhere.
“No cheating,” the judge laughed. Bloody women in powera bloke wouldnt ask rubbish like that.
“Third of June!” James blurted.
“Todays the sixth! Its today!” Emily scoffed. “Hes seven! You didnt even remember!”
“Did you at least congratulate him on the third?” the judge smirked.
Who let women run courts? James stayed silent.
“Any objections to custody arrangements?”
“No!” James snapped.
Of course, the kid stayed with Emily. “And now shell get child support,” James thought bitterlybut then perked up. Now shed crack! Her life was overa divorced single mum! Whod want her?
But then he saw Emily on the courthouse steps, chatting with some woman:
“Sarah! What are you doing here?”
“Oh, just some paperwork. You?”
“Just got divorced! Im free now,” she laughed.
Laughed! James couldnt believe it. Her life had just collapsed, and she was laughing! “Women have no brains! No sane person laughs on divorce day! She needs a psych eval!”
He stormed over.
“cant tonight, its Tommys birthday,” Emily was saying, but James cut in:
“I thought youd be crying, but you dont even care?!” he exploded. “Youll regret this! Ill sue you! The house! Tommy! Youll see!”
“The house was my nans,” Emily said calmly. “And since when do you care about Tommy? Whats actually wrong?”
“Whats wrong?!” James ranted foreverhow shed ruined the family, robbed their son of a father, taken everything, thrown him out, found someone else, would die alone with forty cats.
Even after Emily left, James kept muttering, “Shell regret this.”
