I never loved my wife, and I told her that many times. It wasnt her faultwe got on well enough. She never made a fuss or threw it back in my facealways kind, always caring. But the problem remainedthere was no love.
Every morning, Id wake up thinking I should leave. I dreamed of finding a woman I could truly love. But I couldnt even imagine how life would turn everything upside down.
With Sophie, I felt comfortable. Not only did she keep the house spotless, but she was stunning, too. My mates envied me, baffled at how Id landed such a catch.
Honestly, I didnt get it either. Im just an ordinary blokenothing special. Yet she loved me How?
Her love and devotion unsettled me. Worse was the thought that if I left, someone else would take my place. Someone richer, better-looking, more successful.
The idea of her with another man drove me mad. She was mineeven if I never loved her. That sense of ownership was stronger than reason. But can you spend your whole life with someone you dont love? I thought I could manage. I was wrong.
*Tomorrow, Ill tell her everything*, I decided before bed. Over breakfast, I finally mustered the courage.
“Sophie, sit downwe need to talk.”
“Of course, love. What is it?”
“Imagine were getting divorced. I leave, we live apart”
Sophie laughed. “Whats this? Some silly game?”
“Listen properly. This is serious.”
“Alright, fine. Were divorced. Then what?”
“Answer honestlywould you find someone else if I left?”
“Matthew, whats got into you? Why are you even thinking about leaving?”
“Because I dont love you. Never have.”
“What? Are you joking? I dont understand.”
“I want to go, but I cant. The thought of you with someone elseit eats at me.”
Sophie paused, then replied calmly, “I wont find better than you, so dont worry. GoI wont be with anyone else.”
“Promise?”
“Of course,” she said.
“Waitbut where would I even go?”
“Nowhere?”
“No. Weve been together our whole lives. I suppose Id still need to be near you,” I said glumly.
“Dont worry,” Sophie answered. “After the divorce, well swap the house for two smaller flats.”
“Really? I didnt expect you to help me like this. Why would you?”
“Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont keep them against their will.”
Months passed, and we divorced. Soon, I learned Sophie hadnt kept her promise. Shed found another man, and the flat she inherited from her gran? Never intended to share it. I was left with nothing.
How am I supposed to trust women now? No idea.
What do you make of Matthews behaviour?
