Rachel was frying pancakes for her husbands breakfast. He adored them. Soon hed wake, and theyd be readyhot, with a dollop of clotted cream.
“Rachel! Where are my trousers?”
He was awake. She set the pan aside and hurried to the bedroom where he was shouting.
“Colin, I put them in the washthey were filthy. Ill fetch you clean ones.”
“Rubbish! When did I even get them dirty? Youre always taking liberties!”
“Oh, so youd rather wear them filthy for a month? Stop fussing. Here.”
“Ugh! I hate thesetheyre tight and uncomfortable! Hurry up and wash my proper ones!”
“Theyre already in the machine. Stop shouting. Go wash up. Breakfast is on the table.”
Colin stomped off to the bathroom. Rachel poured his teatwo sugars, just how he liked itand set out the cream.
“Stinks in here with those pancakes! Bloody nuisance!”
“I made them for you, Colin. Whats got into you? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?”
He ate in sullen silence.
“Teas scalding! Couldnt you let it cool? Blimey, burnt my tongue! And these pancakes are rubbery. Shouldve made bacon sandwiches instead!”
“Dont be dafttheyre perfect, same as always. And you dont need more sandwiches, not with that belly of yours”
“Oh, now my bellys the problem, is it? Whens the last time you looked in the mirror? Youve let yourself go! And your hairwhy dont you dye it? You look ancient!”
Rachel gaped at him. Hed never spoken to her like this. What had come over him?
“Mind your tongue, Colin! Ive always been curvysince when did that bother you? And I wont dye my hairIm allergic, you know that! Besides, Im nearly seventy, not some spring chicken!”
“Shouldve married Valerie instead. Shes slim, elegant, years younger. Im still in my prime, and what have I got? An old nag!”
“Valerie Simmons? Since when do you care about her? Last I heard, she married some colonellives in Chelsea, spoiled rotten. No kids, no worries, just swanning about in designer clothes!”
“Valerie fancied me back in the daypractically threw herself at me!”
“When? Pull the other one!”
“It happened! I was too much of a gentleman to refuse.”
“And what did you say?”
“What could I say? Im a man. Didnt want to hurt her feelings. She was stunningnothing like you.”
“Mum warned me not to marry you. Said you were plain and past it. Shouldve listened. Now Im stuck with a frump who cant even make a decent sandwich!”
“Then go find Valerie! Couldnt say no, could you? All these yearswasted!”
“Years? You think I enjoyed them? Bored stiff! Women flocked to me, but noI came home to you and Simon. And you never appreciated it!”
“Didnt appreciate you? I scrimped and savedgave you and Simon the best while I wore hand-me-downs! Your wardrobes are bursting, and what about me? And the boat you bought, the fishing geardid I complain?”
“Like you ever bought us anything! And your cookings vilenothing like Mums, God rest her.”
“Colin, was it really so awful? Not one kind word? Whats wrong with you? Are you ill?”
“Youre the one whos ill! Always popping pills, clutching your chest. Shouldve married someone livelylike Tamara.”
“Tamara?!”
“Oh yes. That weekend you visited your mother Tamara was wildnot like you. And youre always poorly. What a life Ive had!”
Rachel untied her apron and fled outside. The air was thick, her chest burning. She wiped furious tears.
All these yearsand hed betrayed her. Their marriage, their vowslies. And now this venom. How could she face him again?
Shed loved him, devoted herself to him. And hed loved heronce. But not a kind word in years.
“Tamara Valerie How could he?”
Shed had chancesa colleagues advances, an old flame begging her to leave Colin at thirty-five. Shed sent him packing.
And her cookingSimon and Colin had devoured her pies, her roasts. Now this?
“Colin, Colin I gave you everything”
She wandered blindly, heart hammering. The pain was unbearable.
Meanwhile, Colin gulped tea, shovelling pancakes into his mouth. Last nights beer had left him foul-tempered. That dreamRachel leaving, laughing at himhad set him off.
Thena frantic knock.
“Colin! Its Rachelhurry!”
Neighbour Deena dragged him to the park. An ambulance. A sheet-covered figure.
“My Rachel? Noshe just stepped out!”
“Im sorry, sir. A heart attack, likely. Stress can trigger it. Was she unwell?”
“Sheshe had angina But she seemed fine”
The rest blurred. He stumbled home, numb. She was gone. And it was his fault.
Why had he said those things? Thered been no other womenonly her. Plump, grey, in that floral apron. His Rachel.
How would he live without her? Her laughter, her cooking Simon, the grandkidswhat would he tell them?
He collapsed onto the bed, sobbing.
“Colin! Lunch is readystop lazing!”
He blinked. Rachel stood over him. Real. Alive.
“Rachelyoure here?!”
“Who else? Colin, are you ill?”
“Youre alive!”
“Course I am! You and that MichaelI told you he spikes the ale! Look at the state of you! Pancakes are cold. Time for lunch.”
“Rachel, forgive me! There was no Valerie, no Tamaraonly you! My darling!”
He clung to her, kissing her hands.
“Colin, whats got into you? What Tamara?”
“A nightmareI said horrible things, you left Deena came The ambulance Oh, thank God it wasnt real!”
He cupped her face. “Youre beautiful. Your cookings perfect. I love you. Well sell the boatgo to the seaside, take a cruise!”
Rachel hugged him tight. “Theres my Colin. I love you too. Nowlunch. I bought fresh cream for the soup.”
For Colin, it was the happiest day. His Rachelalive, smiling. No more drink. Never again.
*Click.*
“Deena? It worked! Thank your sister toothat film crew in the park was brilliant. Hes begging for forgiveness, thinks it was a dream.”
Rachel smirked. “Thatll teach him. Men need a good scare sometimes.”
“Quite right, Rachel. Call if you need us again!”
She hung up. Colin would never know. And if he stepped out of line again? Well Deenas sister was quite the actress.
