**A Sea of Doubt**
The rain had stopped, leaving the night dark and damp. Through the blurred window, Helen caught sight of her own reflectiona woman with a tangled soul. For months now, she had been torn between two men. Between duty and passion. Between the past and the future.
The first was Edward, her husband. With him, she felt safe, warm, and familiar. Six years of marriage had built a cosy, reliable fortress around her. The second In her mind, she called him nothing but “the boy.” He was younger, and in that word lay all the boundless, terrifying tenderness she was afraid to set free, even in her own thoughts.
Edward had been introduced to her by friends.
After a humiliating breakup with her school sweetheartwhod left her for her best friendHelen had shut herself off, swearing off relationships. She convinced herself she was doomed to be an extra in other peoples love stories. No grand declarations, no armfuls of flowers, no sleepless nights of happinessjust the dull rhythm of everyday life.
Until, at a party, her friend pointed out Edward:
“Look, thats the architect I told you about. Clever, promising. And most importantlysolid as a rock.”
Edward looked older than his years, dressed conservatively, almost old-fashioned. But the moment he spoke, the world seemed to tip on its axis. He was a brilliant conversationalistwitty, sharp, his jokes precise but never cruel. Within an hour, Helen felt as though he could see right through her.
“You, Helen,” he said as they parted, “are like a Pre-Raphaelite painting come to life. Just as distant and melancholy.”
Shed had to Google the Pre-Raphaelites and was impressed by his knowledge of art history. That was only the beginning. The architect was persistent, and Helen, exhausted by loneliness and insecurity, gave in almost immediately. Two months later, she moved in with him.
Her parents frowned.
“Darling, are you sure?” her mother pressed. “You dont look at him with love in your eyesjust like a grateful kitten adopted by a kind family.”
Helen brushed it off. What doubts could there be?
Six months later, they married. Edward built a flawless world around her, shielding her from chores, worries, any kind of storm. He called her his Princess and himself her Faithful Knight. She thought men like him no longer existed.
“Why should you cook?” hed say, bustling in the kitchen. “A womans role is to be happy, to inspire her husband. Rest.”
She revelled in his care, basking in the perfect role of his devoted wife. But whenever she brought up childrenimagining what a doting father hed beEdward would gently stop her:
“Lets not rush happiness, Princess. Arent we happy just the two of us?”
That went on for over five years.
The first crack in their serene life appeared the day Helen literally crashed into a stranger outside a business centre. Rushing to an important meeting, she collided with someone solid and warm.
“Sorry!” she gasped, looking up.
Before her stood a young man who couldve been a film starfair-haired, with eyes that seemed to laugh.
“No harm done,” he grinned. “Disaster averted. In a hurry?”
Helen nodded and dashed off, feeling his gaze on her back. During her presentation, she spotted him in the front row, smiling straight at her. His stare made her breath hitch and her voice falter.
He waited for her afterwards.
“You left so fast I thought you were running late again. Need a lift? This time, no collisions.”
Always so sensible, so cautiousyet she agreed without hesitation.
***
Helen lost her head. Shed forgotten how passion felthow the world could shrink to the size of one person, to the sound of his voice, his smile. How a simple “How was your day?” could sound like the most beautiful music.
“I feel like Im seeing clearly when Im with you,” she told him once.
“And I feel like Im breathing properly for the first time in years,” he replied.
His name was Leo. Not “the boy,” of courseLeo! Strong, fearless. After months of stolen moments, she was ready to leave everything for him.
But
First, her mother fell seriously ill. How could she burden her recovery with news of divorce? She waited. Then Edward slipped, broke his leg, was in a cast for months. Of course, Helen postponed the difficult conversation. Playing nurse gave her a legitimate excuse.
By the time Edwardher Knightwas still limping with a cane, her passion for Leo began to cool, replaced by rational thought. “Dont rush. Think it through. Edward is stability. Hes your home.” But her heart, bruised and desperate, wailed: “Leo!”
Meanwhile, Leo grew impatient, demanding more of her. One evening, Helen stood at the mirror, fixing her makeupsupposedly for a work meeting. In truth, Leo was waiting outside.
Edward came up behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder.
“You look beautiful today, Princess. Just like on our first date.”
His voice brimmed with such boundless love and trust that something inside her snapped.
“Edward theres something I need to tell you,” she whispered, a shiver running down her spine.
“Something important?” He smiled gently. “Well talk tonight. Ill make your favourite roast. Dont be late.”
He kissed the top of her head, and it burned like a brand.
Leo was leaning against his car when she arrived. The moment she got in, he took her hand.
“Well? Did you tell him?”
“I couldnt. Edwards still weak, hes using a cane”
Leo slowly let go.
“Right. Pity, duty, gratitude,” he said, each word striking true. “But tell mehow much longer? When does our happiness start? Or am I just an afterthought?”
Helen closed her eyes, feeling her heart shatter.
“Just a little more time, please.”
“Time,” he scoffed bitterly. “We never had any to begin with.”
He started the car, and they drove to the hotel in silence. Watching his tense profile, she knew she was losing him. And at home, Edward waitedblindly trusting, forgiving, with dinner ready.
How exhausting, this dance between duty and love. The lies. The hiding. She had to choosebut who? Why couldnt she decide? What was she afraid of?
At their next meeting, Leo gave her a months reprieve. Then, on Edwards birthday, a text arrived: *”Last chance. If you dont come, its over.”*
An ultimatum. And what timing. Her blood ran coldthere was no way she could go.
Edward had just unwrapped his giftan expensive watch. Then he looked at her and said quietly,
“Thank you, Princess. But I dont need a watch.”
“Why? You said you liked this model.”
“That was a long time ago Back when you looked at me the way you now look at your phone, waiting for a message. Who is he?”
Helen froze. He knew. For how long? Oddly, instead of shame, she felt relief. The mountain of lies had finally crumbled.
“I didnt want to hurt you, especially after your injury”
“Is that so? You lied for *my* sake?” Edwards voice was uncharacteristically cold. “Well then, consider me unhurt. But us? Were done.”
Helen didnt go to Leo that night.
She sat on a bench outside, smokingdespite quitting years ago. Her hands trembled, but inside, she felt an eerie calm. Everything had collapsed: Edwards perfect world, her role as his Princess, the fortress that had become a cage.
Now she was just Helen. Free of secrets. Alone, a little guilty, and terrifyingly weightlesslike a feather the wind could blow in any direction.
And the wind was blowing toward Leo.
She reread his message: *”Im waiting. Last chance. Dont come, and its over.”* Once, those words wouldve made her heart race with fear and hope. Now, they barely stirred her.
Leo lived in a studio flat across town. The taxi ride was silent. In the lift, her pulse finally quickened. She imagined him opening the door, pulling her into his arms, his eyes alight with that familiar fire. At last, theyd be together.
A new beginning.
The door opened instantly, as if hed been standing there. But Leo didnt embrace her. He stepped back, gesturing for her to enter. His face was tired, unreadable.
“I did it. I told him everything. Im free. Do you hear me?”
She said it eagerly, waiting for his relief, his joy. But he just walked to the window, then turned to her.
“Congratulations.”
No delight. Just a detached sadness.
“Well?” she pressed. “Are you just going to stand there? Weve waited for this. Nothings stopping us now. We can really be together.”
