**Diary Entry 15th March**
Laurie called today, and I could tell from her tone something was off.
*”Look, Im sorry, but… we all have kids. We… cant afford any trouble. Especially not this kind,”* she said, her voice heavy.
*”Laurie, what on earth are you on about?”*
I felt like someone had dumped a bin over my headfilthy, cold, humiliating.
*”We all feel terrible for you, we really do,”* she went on carefully. *”But no one wants to take the risk. Youve got… well, you know… a situation now.”*
She wasnt trying to be cruel, just practical. Saving her own family. In a way, I understood.
But that wasnt the point.
*”Im not contagious!”* I snapped. *”Whered you even get that idea?”*
*”Well…”* She hesitated. *”Weve all heard. About your husband. What he gave you.”*
*”What do you mean, heard? Yes, I had a scare. But Im fine now!”*
*”Sorry, but from what Ive heard… its for life. We just cant take the chance,”* she said, defensive. *”Youd do the same in my shoes. No hard feelings, yeah?”*
The line went dead. I dropped my phone on the table like it burned.
For six months now, my friends had been avoiding me. Polite check-ins, nothing more. No invitesnot even to birthdays. Id see the photos online, though. Laughing, clinking glasses, like Id never existed.
At first, I thought Id upset someone. Maybe rumours had started. But no one had the decency to ask me outright.
So today, I asked Laurie. And now I knew.
They all saw me as tainted.
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I knew exactly how this started.
Evening. Silence. A lukewarm soup on the stove, unread messages in the chat with my husband. My messages. Adrian was, once again, working late.
At first, I was furious. Then anxious. Eventually, just numb. I got used to him stumbling in near midnight.
*”Mad hours at the office. Everyones scrambling for loans, trying to start businessesworks mental right now,”* hed say.
But other things changed too. He started showering the second he got home, never left his phone unattended, and jumped at every weekend call from colleagues. No complaints. Andhe got haircuts weekly. For Adrian, that was a miracle.
I noticed, of course. But I ignored it. Rough patch, I thought. Happens to everyone.
Then the pain started. At first, I Googled, hoping it was nothing. But it didnt go away. So I saw a doctor.
What he said shattered my life. Not fatal, not permanent, but…
*”You must be mistaken. Adrians my only partner. Maybe… public transport? A shared towel?”*
*”Love, theres only one way this happens,”* he said, looking at me like I was daft. *”Youve got questions for your husband.”*
I sat on the bench outside, staring at the floor. The walk home was a blur.
The talk with Adrian was short. First, he lied. *”Mustve been you!”* Then came the confessionsome woman from work. No remorse.
*”I was exhausted, and you were nagging for attention. What did you expect?”*
He didnt even apologise. Just asked if we could fix things.
*”Nothing to fix,”* I said. *”Not after your little gift.”*
The divorce was quick. No shared assets, no fights. He seemed relieved.
I thought the worst was over. But no.
*”Medically, youre fine now,”* the doctor said at my follow-up. *”But fertility could be impacted.”*
*”I cant have children?”*
*”Lets just say… the odds arent good.”*
Translation: no chance. My cousin, a nurse, was blunter: *”If you conceive, itll be a miracle.”*
That night, I called Katie. The one Id known since nursery, whod seen me through every meltdown.
*”Kate… I need you tonight.”*
She came. Held me while I sobbed about Adrian, about the family Id never have.
*”Youve got your parents, brothers, me,”* she said. *”Youll never be alone.”*
Before she left, I made her swear to keep it quiet.
*”Course! My lips are sealed,”* she promised.
Turns out, sealed meant gossiped to the whole lot.
Tonight, I rang Katie.
*”Oh! Emily. Long time,”* she said, awkward.
*”Yeah. Wonder why.”* Silence.
*”Whats this about?”*
*”Cut the act. Everyone thinks Ive got the plague. And you were the only one who knew.”*
A sigh.
*”Em… I didnt tell anyone the details! Just mentioned to Annie you were having issues… She mustve filled in the blanks.”*
*”After I begged you not to say a word?”*
*”I didnt think itd blow up! I just wanted her to check on youyou looked rough!”*
I closed my eyes. Meant well, made it worse.
*”When you care, you dont blab. I trusted you.”*
*”Im sorry,”* she mumbled. *”It just… slipped out.”*
*”Slipped. Youre just a gossip. Thats worse.”*
I hung up. The silence was deafening. No more texts, no invites.
I used to think these people were my foundation. Turns out, they were just loose sand.
I hugged my pillow. At least it wouldnt betray me.
**Lesson learned:** Some secrets are too heavy to share. Even with those you trust.
