Hey love, you wont believe the drama that went down at my last family dinner. I was up at the head of the massive oak table, trying to look all gracious, and I asked, Well, dear guests, are you full? Have you had enough to drink? Did I manage to please you?
Brian, with a smug grin, replied, Youre spoton as always, Em. My sister Grace chimed in, Totally agree! We used to cook together when Mum was alive, but I never manage to get it this good. Thats why I always call on you for my parties!
Emma, always the fitness fanatic, added, Mum, I cant get out of the gym again, but I just couldnt stop! Then Andrew laughed, Ill send my wife over so you can teach her to cook.
Victor, with a hearty belch, shouted, Thats why I married you, Em! Sorry!
I smiled wide and said, Alright, my dears I paused, the smile fading, pack your things and get out of my house! I grabbed the huge, hefty salad bowl from the table and, in a fit of rage, smashed it onto the floor.
Enough, you little brats! The partys over, I snapped, a nasty grin on my face. Im not letting anyone ride on me any longer, especially not you! The room fell into a stunned silence. No one expected that from mequiet, helpful, everready Emily.
Brian blurted, What the? and got a slap from his wife. Grace shouted, Call an ambulance, shes having a breakdown! I lifted the empty decanter, Anyone reaching for the phone will get a good knock on the head! I then laughed cruelly, What are you all standing still for? Scatter, you greedy lot!
Brian tried to calm me down, Emily, settle down, please. I replied, No! Im done being your servant. I wont cater to anyone any more, not even if youre in a hurry to do something yourself!
Victor asked, Whats biting you? I sat back, Your arrogance has crossed the lineyears of it, actually. Your last attitude proved just how bold youve become, and Im over it.
Andrew muttered, So we didnt do anything wrong? Victor laughed, Exactly, you little thing!
***
They say youve got to live life the right way. But whats right? Everyone has their own idea. Ive spent fortyfive years convinced Id done everything properly. I was the third child, the second daughter, loved my brother, didnt bother my sister. I got a decent education, went to work, never dreamed of stardom, and never fancied the limelight. I married, had two kids, was a devoted wife and mum, raised the children and sent them off. I kept in touch with my brother and sister, helped out, celebrated, shared the load. People called me kind, caring, smart, and understanding. So I thought Id lived correctlyuntil at fortyfive I found myself abandoned in the bleakest moment of my life.
***
Emily Harris, the doctor said after lunch, all your tests are back, no contraindications. Ready to schedule the operation?
Of course, Doctor, I replied, my voice low, the decisions already made.
He noted my gloom, I understand, but you never know
Book it, I waved my hand, the sooner we start, the sooner it ends.
He scribbled in my chart, Youll have dinner tonight, nothing tomorrow, surgery on the day after. He turned to the lady sharing my ward, Katie, we need to go over your results.
Right, Dr. Oliver, she said.
When the doctor left, Katie asked, Why so down? Scared of the operation?
Partly, I admitted, glancing at my phone. My husbands, I trailed off.
She giggled, My blokes been singing me off, saying the kids will be with their mother and hell throw a party. Hell sort it out later, I guess.
I pursed my lips, He knows Ive got an operation, and he still goes out drinking with his mates.
Katie rolled her eyes, All men are like thatcats at home, mice dancing.
It still hurts, I said, Removing the womb is serious business. A little support wouldve meant the world. I told him Im terrified and need him now, yet after I left, he sent two short texts and then went silent.
Katie was ten years younger, so she didnt have the experience to console me, and the conversation drifted. I skipped dinner, fasting as the doctors advised, and stared at the ceiling. I recalled the time VasSambroke his leg in two places at work. Id driven to the hospital every day, brought home meals, clean clothes, stayed up late with him. When he got out, I took a leave to help, juggling everything like a squirrel on a wheel. I never refused my husband any helpcarrying water, feeding him, washing, shaving, even petsitting.
Why does he treat me like this? I asked Katie when she returned from her own dinner.
Because thats how most men act, she said with a grin. Theyre just exploiters. If you dont tie them down, theyll sit on your neck, chew your legs, and still ask for a ride.
I wondered, Am I overreacting because of the operation?
Not at all, Katie replied. Your husband barely says a kind word, but I bring you fruit juices, call, send heart emojis every day. I swiped the blanket over my head.
***
Going a whole day without food, when youre desperate, is brutal. I tried to distract myself with chat, but after the morning blood tests, Katie only popped up sporadically. My phone buzzed: Family always wants to talk to pass the time, I thought. My son Andrew didnt answer, just sent a text saying hed call later. My daughter Emma cancelled twice, then her number went dead.
Good kids, I muttered, bewildered.
Katie asked, They wont pick up?
I cant believe they cant even spare a minute for their mother, I said. Adults, living separately now, think Im a burden.
She laughed, Theyll only come when they need something. Like birds thatve flown the nest, only the wind will bring them back.
My older son, sixteen, treats me like Im invisible. If they live apart, why should parents matter? Maybe theyll show up for a funeral.
No, weve got a great relationship, I insisted. Then why wont they answer?
Katie jogged off, leaving me to think. Is it really that hard to find a minute for mum? I realised most of their recent calls were just asking for money. Not a loan, just a little cash.
It was heartbreaking, but Katie was right: the kids have flown the nest. They only think of us when they need something. I tried calling my husband again, no reply. I texted, left it unread.
Ah, Sam, you lazy dog, I whispered, dont you ever bother to check in! By evening he finally messaged, Where are our savings? Salarys gone, weve got nothing to live on! Hed actually gotten paid three days ago.
I thought, Well, at least hes got wine flowing and a feast to dream about, but I didnt bother answering. If hed even hinted he was worried about me, maybe Id have said something. Instead, I let him sort it out on his own.
Brian answered my call, but said he was busy and hung up. Typical, I muttered. Katie wasnt there, so I didnt get a comeback. I remembered the six months I lived between two houses after Brians wife dumped him, leaving the kids. Id looked after them, acted as mum, chef, cleaner, everything, until he found a new partner. He demanded love for his kids, I wanted love for mine, and we kept stepping on each others toes. I spent a year and a half smoothing things over, never hearing a thankyou. And now hes busy again. When I tried calling back that night, all I got were short beeps. Thanks for the black list, brother! He even knew about my upcoming operation. When he asked to take the kids for a month, I finally said no, citing the surgery.
Grace only gave me five minutes of her time, barely asking about my health. When will you be fit again? My husbands relatives are comingabout ten of them. Well need a place to stay and plenty of food. Were counting on you!
I dont know, Grace, I warned. The operations serious. Two or three weeks in hospital, then a long recovery. The doctors say up to fifty days.
She snapped, No, no, youll be back in a flash, like a whirlwind! Theyre family, theyre more important than anything!
Im scared, I whispered. Dont you think Im being dramatic? Its a major operation, complications could happen! I glanced at my phone, thinking of the chef I never learned to be.
Grace kept calling my younger sister for help with her own guestscolleagues, her husbands friends, any event she could think of. Meanwhile, I hadnt left the kitchen in days, yet nobody ever invited me to sit at the table.
The guests are strangers! she protested, as if Id prepared a feast for people I didnt know.
The operation went smoothly, but I stayed two weeks in the ward. I didnt call anyone. I waited, hoping someone would remember me. Nobody didno husband, no kids, no brother, no sister.
Then I hit a turning point.
Emily, what nonsense are you spouting? Brian shouted. Did they take your brain with the uterus?
I finally remembered! I said, laughing. I thought everyone had forgotten me!
I stood up at the head of the table again, voice shaking. Listen up, my dear relatives! Ive been in hospital for two weeks, and not a single soul bothered to check on me. Not my brother, who his kids love more than their new mum. Not my sister, whos used me as a free cook all my life. Not my husband, who blew away both our salary and our savings. Not my children, who I gave life to! No one even called!
A hush fell over the room. Ive spent my whole life doing everything for you. The one time I needed even a tiny bit of support, you were nowhere. I thought I could handle it alone, but Im done being your errandrunner.
I called out each name: Sam, youre off the flat, no more rent! Kids, live your own livesif you need help, ask Dad. Boris and Grace, Im done seeing you. Hire nannies and chefs elsewhere! Enough!
Family voices rose: Are you mad? How can you?
I ordered everyone to line up, then to the back of my life. I finally want to live for myself, not for you!
Boom.
Alone in my flat, I sat down at the empty table, looked at the broken pieces of the salad bowl, and thought, I went a bit overboard, but its a fresh start. Ill begin my new life with a brandnew bowl.
