Ive known the whole lot for years. Of course I didIm not in my twenties or even my thirties yet, but Ive gathered enough experience to see the patterns.
Emma was tired of being on her own, dragging that endless load behind her.
Dave, why is it always me? Whats wrong with me? Am I a bore? Do I smell? Am I too clingy? Or perhaps Im just not giving enough love and tenderness, she muttered to herself. Whats the matter with me?
Everybody around hertall, short, skinny, stout, the drinkers, the beautiful, the plainseemed to have some sort of relationship. Everyone. And she? Still single.
Whats wrong with me? Why am I alone? she asked the empty room.
Listen, Emma Megan, her best mate, said, trying not to laugh. My gran used to talk about somethinghow do you say itthe crown of spinsterhood.
Come off it, Emma waved her hand. Are we living in the Middle Ages or what?
You dont believe it? Megan jumped off her seat. My greataunt once had that very crown taken off by a granny.
A granny? Emma asked, more out of politeness than curiosity.
Anyway, Ill ring Lucy nowshes my sister, the one who had that crown lifted. Ill get the full story from her.
A few minutes later Megan was scribbling on a napkin, licking the tip of her tongue. All right, all right Lucy, love, hows it going? Getting married again? What? And Tom? Oh, hes gone. Right, Ill be there
She hung up, paused, then said, Somethings come up.
What? No actually, yes. I need a wedding gift againmy sisters getting married for the fifth time. Looks like that granny finally broke the crown. Heres the address. You coming?
Emma shrugged. She set off, but the old woman who lived on the lane turned her around and sent her back emptyhanded.
Theres no crown for you.
Yes, there isI
What? Youve been choosing the wrong men? The first one was a scoundrel who left his child behind and pretended to be single while he was already married. Did you know? He was a rogue, not the right one for you. The second? Not your man either. The grannys voice was harsh. The third? Same story.
The third? Ive got no one.
Itll be different, love. When you stop looking at the clock, the right fellow will appear. Hell be yours, though not completely yourstheres a girl in the mix, you cant change that. Trust him; hes solid, and youll find the happiness youve been yearning for. Maybe youll even get the whole package, but you must wait, dont rush.
Now off you go. And tell your friend to see a doctor, give her some herbal tea and a gynaecologist appointment. Say the granny asked you to pass that on. That conversation had taken place many years earlier. Desperate to find her own happiness, Emma had traveled to the old woman who claimed to know folk remedies.
Everything the granny said turned out to be true. Emma met a third man, but shed forgotten the grannys words completely. He was decent, treated Emmas daughter well, but something always seemed to go wrongtheyd become thoughtful, disappear, vanish for good without explanation.
Then Emma met James.
At first she didnt realise he was the one. The flat next door had been empty for years. When Emma moved in with her daughter, the neighbour, Aunt Kate, mentioned the landlord was only around on night shifts, staying with his mother.
One day, curious as any woman, Emma peeked at the slightly ajar door of the flat opposite and saw a man putting up wallpaper. She slipped away, assuming the owner had returned. He did, indeed, return, and then returned again.
Their first accidental meeting was in the hallway a week later. The apartment doors were oddly designedif one door stayed open, the other wouldnt budge, so you had to close the first to get through the second. Emma was hurrying to work, tried to open a door and it wouldnt move. The neighbour apologised, shut his flat, and Emma heard quick, light footsteps. A second time she blocked the neighbours exit, then they met again in the courtyard where the neighbour let Emma go first through the door.
One afternoon James helped Claire lift a bicycle; Emma baked some scones and delivered them to him. Later they met in the park, where Jamess sonabout Claires agejoined them, and the boys quickly made friends, whizzing around the swings while Emma and James chatted.
Six months later James asked Emma out on a proper date, introduced her to his family, and they started living together. Before moving in, James told his story.
Emma Im not a twentyyearold lad, nor a block of wood. Im a man, with my own opinions and temperament. I promise you, if you live with me, I wont be unfaithful. Ill do the hard work, earn a decent wage, I dont drink, I dont smoke. No bad habits. Ill respect you, value you Im sorry, I cant fall in love; Ive tried. Its not that Im a stone without feelingthere are feelings, just not the ones you want. Im useless, my wife used to call me a wretched thing. Thats why Im being so thorough, so you dont think Im putting on a show.
He went on, I fell for a girl when I was younger, thought she was warm and comforting. It didnt workshe saw me as a friend, I tried for years to push those feelings away, but I couldnt. Ive had women more beautiful, smarter, yet none felt right. Should I have spoken to her? He sounded weary.
I told her I wasnt in love with Inna, he said. She shrugged, Shes nice, pretty, smart, funny; you dont love her, she loves youwhats the harm? Thats when I realized shed never loved me. I couldnt live with someone I didnt love, yet I forced her to stay.
He later married.
I didnt wander like a ghost, I lived, partied, just like anyone else. But when I think of the woman I truly love, love feels like a punishment for me. I feel dazed, as if I cant give a woman the happiness she deserves. Women hear with their hearts, and I cant lie.
He sighed, I just want you to decide whether you can live without those big, bright emotions. My wife didnt make it. Dont answer nowthink it over.
Emma thought it over, and a week later she joined Jamess large, cheerful family. They welcomed both Emma and her daughter warmly. At first Emma feared theyd see her as a substitute, or treat her with pity, but everything went perfectly.
She never regretted marrying James. He was reliable, and most of her own worries faded as she stopped obsessing over passion and love. Occasionallymaybe a couple of times a yearshed catch Jamess wandering glance, as if he were remembering someone else. It never disrupted their life.
Then one day that glance lingered longer, and Emma wondered if it hurt her. If youre honest, youve always dreamed a man would change for you, she thought. Shed married not for a grand love, but grew to love himhe was the ideal husband.
That lingering look, clouded, bothered her. She didnt love James in that way any more.
Emma? James called as she washed the windows on a bright spring afternoon, the sun blazing down. He stepped into the room, admiring her as she sang softly.
He felt free, liberated, having finally met his longlost love. He turned to Emma, smiling, Emma, you have no idea how good everything feels now. He kissed her, realizing just how much she meant to him.
Emma thought, The old woman didnt lie she said I just had to wait.
Good morning, dear ones! May your love, if it hasnt found you yet, flutter into your window. And if its already with you, cherish it. Sending you warm hugs and bright thoughts.
