Im a mess, spilling out everything on these pages I live on the streets. My name is Natalie Sinclair, fiftytwo years old, and Ive managed to get almost everything I ever wanted. Im the director of a sizeable firm, Ive raised a daughter and married her off, I own a sleek flat in Kensington and a decent car. My husbands work keeps him away on long business trips, so I rarely see my daughter, who now lives far up north. By all accounts Ive achieved the life I dreamed of, yet some evenings I feel a deep, aching loneliness.
Theres one small weakness I cant shake. A short walk from my office, in a quiet corner of Camden, sits a tiny café that serves the best doughnuts and a proper cup of tea. Whenever my mind spins, I drift there for a breather.
For several days I watched a little girl, about six or seven, with a pair of mischievous pigtails, linger near the café. Shed wipe car headlights for a few coins, or simply beg, but oddly she never ate what she collected. Shed slip the coins into a paper sack and disappear.
I followed her for a week. One afternoon she slipped into the charred remains of a house that had been gutted by fire. I trailed behind her into the ruined hallway. On a thin mattress lay a young woman, gasping for breath. The little girl crouched down and whispered, Mum, open your eyes, Ive brought you something to eat.
The woman coughed, her voice hoarse. I stepped closer, standing behind the girl. Do you live here? I asked.
Who are you? the girl replied, eyes wide.
Im Natalie Sinclair, you can call me Aunt Nat. Whats your name? And your mothers?
Im Lily, and my mum is Helen. Shes very ill, and I bring her food, but she hasnt eaten anything for two days.
I placed my hand on the womans forehead, and the truth hit me like a cold splash. I fumbled for my phone and called an ambulance.
Ah, Aunt Nat, theyre taking me away from my mum. I dont want to go to a childrens home, Lily sobbed.
Who told you that? Youll stay with me while your mother recovers, I promised. No one will scold you for being dirty.
The ambulance arrived, took Helen to the hospital, and Lily and I returned to the café. After devouring a generous plate of doughnuts, we hopped into my car. Lily settled on the back seat and, before we even pulled out of the parking lot, she curled up and fell asleep.
I drove to the shopping centre, letting Lily nap while I darted through the stores, buying groceries, warm clothes, and a few toys. When we neared Lilys flat, she woke up.
Right, Lily, were here, I said. Lets go in.
She lingered at the doorway, hesitating. Im dirty, Ill make a mess, she whispered.
Dont worry, well clean it up. Slip off your shoes and follow me, I coaxed.
In the bathroom I filled the tub, added bubbles, and helped Lily step in. She giggled, splashing about, delighted with the foamy water. I wrapped her in a soft towel and carried her to the bedroom. She was light as a feather, bearing a striking resemblance to me as a child.
After a quick dry, we tried on the new clothes Id bought. Lily twirled before the large mirror, beaming. Aunt Nat, do I look pretty? she asked.
Absolutely, youre the most beautiful, I replied. Pick whatever you like, then well make dinner together.
We ate, cleared the dishes, and Lily helped as best she could. The next day we visited Helens hospital ward. She looked brighter, a faint glow returning to her face.
Leaving Lily with her mum, I asked the doctor, Whats her condition?
Thank heavens, no infection. Its a severe cold, bronchitis, and extreme fatigue. Shell need at least two weeks here.
I slipped back into the ward, found Helen asleep, and quietly slipped out with Lily. We decided to pop into a nearby shop for some supplies. Lilys eyes widened at every window display, but she asked for nothing. When she brushed past a plush bear, she gently patted it, murmured Thank you, and moved on. I bought the bear, brought it to the checkout, and handed it to Lily.
This is for me? Thank you so much. Its beautiful my best gift, she whispered, clutching it to her chest.
That night Lily fell asleep with the bear tucked under her chin, constantly stroking its head in her dreams.
We returned to the hospital the following day with a basket of treats. Helen seemed more cheerful, and I pressed her to talk about how shed ended up there.
She paused, then began, I have no family. Im an orphan. After foster care I got a tiny flat the one you found us in. I went to college, slipped on the stairs, fell hard, and a handsome lad helped me up. I fell in love at first sight. He courted me, then I discovered I was pregnant.
She sighed. He eventually agreed to let me stay in his flat, but never married me. When Lily was born he refused to put me on the lease. I worked as a cleaner and dishwasher, his friends constantly visited, and he never wanted me to meet his parents. When Lily turned three I wanted a job, but he shouted that the house must stay spotless. I endured for Lilys sake.
She swallowed hard. Then a fire ripped through our building, we lost everything. His parents showed up and threw us out, saying we had no rights. I begged them for somewhere to stay. They pushed us out, left us with nothing but the burnt shell of that house. I tried to shield Lily from the rain, got soaked, froze, and each day I grew weaker. I was terrified for Lily. One night, out of the fog, I heard a voice yours warm and familiar. After that, everything is a blur.
I held her hand. Dont worry, dear. While youre in the hospital, Lily will stay with me. Well sort out housing later. I have to head back now.
I left the ward, got into my car, and drove to the suburban culdesac where my dear Aunt Kate lives. Kate, Catherine Bennett, was a close friend of my late mother. On the way I stopped for a few biscuits and tea, then pulled up to her gate. She greeted me at the doorstep, eyes sparkling.
Good heavens, look whos here! My little girl has arrived. Come in, have a cuppa, and tell me everything, she said.
We sat at the kitchen table and I poured out the recent chaos. Kate, could you rent a spare room to them? Ill pay monthly.
Pay? My dear, you know Im on my own now. My son died years ago. If they stay, Ill be glad, she replied, patting the arm of her chair.
Two weeks later I escorted Helen and Lily from the hospital to Kates house. Kate had already baked a steaming apple crumble, laid out fresh linens, and opened a box of presents for them. Helen opened the gifts, collapsed onto the edge of the bed, and started sobbing.
My love, whats wrong? Are you in pain? Kate asked.
Why does all this happen to me? I thought Id never see kindness again, Helen whispered. God sent me you both.
Just settle in, dear. Youll be my granddaughter, Lily my greatgranddaughter. Well get through this together, Kate promised.
Time went by, and Kate grew attached to her two girls. Helen and Lily found a home in her heart. I visited often, bringing groceries and helping where I could. When Kate coughed, Helen would tend to her, bustling around the house.
Lily began helping Kate in the kitchen, learning to bake pies. One afternoon I arrived with a friend of mine, and Helen, seeing us, slipped into her room.
Lily, dear, come over. We need to talk, Kate called.
Helen sat down at the table, eyes watery. Im alone now, no one left. God sent me you both, Lily, to be my legacy. Ive written a will, so you wont be left with nothing. Youll have a home.
Grandma, youre not well enough to speak like that, Lily replied, trembling. Dont worry about the future; just stay with us.
Kate smiled faintly. I still have a little time left. I just want everything to be proper for you. Theres no one else but you two.
And so life settled into a fragile but hopeful rhythm for the orphaned mother, her brave daughter, and the women who chose to love them.
