Disappear and hell think of me straight away, she muttered. Well, go away nicely, or else She jabbed at my face. What does any girl expect from a date at the pictures?
Honestly, it hinges on how far a girl is willing to push the boundaries.
Some women are ready not just to invite the bloke over after the film, but to start a fullblown romance right in the back rows of the cinema. Others are a bit more modest, preferring the classic routine: watch the movie, hold hands, and finish the evening at the doorstep of her flat.
Either way, the very fact that youve accepted his invitation says youre, at least nominally, his girlfriend. And that the slot was empty before you. So you shouldnt end up like Beatrice Harding did, with a scene straight out of a soap: in the foyer a stranger swoops in, grabs Maxwell Clarkes arm and, voice trembling with jealousy, asks, Max, whos that? Why are you holding her hand? Ive been losing sleep, worrying youve vanished, and you
Any sensible girl would blush, maybe dart away, or at most shriek, Youre cheating on me with two girls at once! and storm off, heels clicking, clutching the bouquet hed just given her.
Beatrice fell into the more adventurous camp, but she didnt get a chance to react before Max, furrowing his brow, growled at the interloper: I told you to scram. Youve decided its over, so stop chasing me. Beatrice, lets go. She tried to fire back, but he grabbed her arm and hustled her to the proper screen.
She assumed the drama was over. Max wasnt seeing that other girl, right? At least thats what he claimed. But reality, as it often does, was messier.
Beatrice decided to postpone the whole whats going on talk until after the film no point airing grievances in front of a halffilled auditorium. Besides, Max had paid for the tickets £12 a pop so shed better enjoy the movie instead of interrogating him about his mysterious sidekick.
When the credits rolled and they stepped out onto the lamplit street heading towards Regents Park, the subject slipped in naturally.
I hope you dont read too much into it, Max said apologetically. I dont usually collect lunatics; my friends and family are solid. This one just popped up. He tried to sound casual, but Beatrice knew the backstory: her previous boyfriend had been dumped because his mother and sister never accepted him.
So Max was quick to reassure her that his normal life was anything but dangerous.
What actually happened? Beatrice asked, genuinely curious.
We were dating at least I thought so, Max replied. You know the kind of relationship where we hang out, hold hands, kiss, and in public she plonks herself on my lap calling me sweetheart and kitty?
Logical, Beatrice admitted.
Now imagine this: a girl invites you over to fix her computer. When you arrive, she tells you the brother took it to the countryside yesterday, but she offers you a DVD to watch together.
Someone still uses DVDs? Beatrice snorted, then refocused. If a girl gives you a flimsy excuse to get you into her empty flat, Id assume she wants a bit of cake and a movie, right?
Add transparent lingerie, fishnet stockings, heartshaped candles about ten of them a bottle of wine, some snacks, and a film rated 18+, Max continued. You know, the kind where everyone loves each other and it ends happily.
Beatrice saw the wind changing direction instantly. So you just grab a condom and jump straight into the act? she asked.
Exactly, Max said. I sat on the couch, the mood was set, she landed beside me, I wrapped my arms around her, started kissing I reached for her lace and suddenly I got a slap across the face and a scream that would make the neighbours think theres a horror film playing.
Honestly, Id just bolt, Beatrice muttered.
Max admitted hed fled, slipped on his shoes, and walked away, hearing her declare the relationship over.
The next day she pinged him. Yesterday his new flame had texted, Why havent you called? Ive been waiting, whats up? Max replied, Im ignoring you. Why would I bother with a nutcase? With you, there was never any reason to stick around and wait for someone better. Im not into that sort of thing.
Beatrice asked, And now shes stalking you, hoping for what?
According to her insults, she expected me to chase after her, shower her with gifts, and wait for her royal decree to descend upon me, Max confessed. Im not a dogcatcher; you can find a girl without those tricks. Nowadays chasing is practically illegal any nonconsensual pursuit could land you with a hefty fine under the Protection from Harassment Act.
Both agreed that if a yes is a yes, a no stays a no. No more games.
The former boyfriends ex had been dismissed as a lunatic and the whole episode forgotten, as if it were a bad dream provided it wasnt the only meeting.
Just then, a familiar voice called out as Beatrice left her university and headed home. Hey, Beatrice, right? It was Alison, a former classmate she barely knew.
Stop, we need to talk. Youve done something wrong. The lad was taken, and youve snatched him back, Alison said.
The lad told me hes free, Alison, and Ive told you to leave him alone a dozen times, Beatrix retorted.
Whatever you say, Alison replied. You disappear and hell think of me.
Max, trying to dodge the persistent Alison, flashed a quick excuse: Thats my dad, a police captain, you see? Hes in uniform, badge and all. It was the cheapest way to get rid of a nosy stalker.
He could have proved repeatedly that Beatrice meant nothing to him, that her presence wouldnt affect his relationship with Alison, or even start a brawl. But that would have risked trouble for Beatrice herself, and no sensible trainer would endorse it.
What Alison actually did worked perfectly. It didnt matter that Beatrice only spoke to her dad once a year, that his police rank kept him in a different city, or that hed be the last person shed ever confide in.
The key was that Alison, upon seeing a photo of Max, turned pale, muttered a string of curses about the wrong crowd, and fled. She ceased pestering him from anonymous accounts, which Max happily reported to Beatrice a week later.
Alison later confessed her stunt to a friend, just to keep Max in the loop, but faced no censure.
People like her just dont get it. If Id known, Id never have bothered, Max sighed. She seemed decent on paper.
Beatrice agreed; Alison seemed like an ordinary girl until she opened her mouth.
In the end, it didnt matter how many cracks that lady had. The important thing was that Alison finally vanished from Beatrice and Maxs lives hopefully for good.
Perhaps she found a proper chaser of her own, or maybe Beatrice, hopeful as ever, finally landed a lad who isnt a kitchenknifewielding narcissist.
After all, everyone needs a partner, so the decent folk can get on with their lives in peace. Isnt that a lovely thought?
