16October2025
Dear Diary,
Ive reached the point where I cant tell myself what to do any longer. Maxmy husbandhas turned our home into a battlefield, and Im exhausted from fighting an endless war of words. We tried to build a life together, but its crumbling beneath us. I keep hearing that nagging voice in my head: Should I just walk away? It feels like a cruel joke.
Two years of marriage now feel like a nightmare I cant wake from. The last six months have been the worst. Max has morphed into a domineering houselord, finding fault in everything I do. This morning set the tone. I had ordered a new face cream, something small to treat the skin Ive been neglecting from long nights at the office.
When I walked through the front door with the parcel, Maxs voice cut through the hallway.
Another splurge on nonsense? he snapped.
I tried to explain, but he wasnt listening.
Do you ever think about us, or only about yourself, my dear? he snarled. That cream would be better spent helping my parents. Youre selfish, Olivia. You throw almost every penny you earn at cosmetics and cloths!
His eyes flashed, his tone grew colder, and I felt tears well up despite myself. He slammed the door, leaving me alone with my sobs and a crushing sense of helplessness. He always does the same: he rakes me down, then walks away as if nothing happened.
I remember how it all began. Max seemed perfectattentive, caring, loving. Over time something shifted, or perhaps I never saw the real Max at all.
Later that evening he came back, and I was nursing a cup of tea in the kitchen.
Youre crying again? he asked without looking at me.
No you just hurt me, I whispered.
My hurt? Youre the one at fault. Think before you act.
What am I doing wrong? I asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Everything! You never try. I work all day and you sit fiddling on the keyboard half the time!
I work too, and not less than you, I protested, then immediately regretted it.
Youre earning pennies while Im the one supporting this family. You should be grateful, Olivia. Ive never heard a thankyou from you, even though Ive given you everything I can.
I do appreciate you, Max but that doesnt give you the right to speak to me like that.
How am I supposed to talk to you? Youre always dissatisfied, always shedding tears. Why do you paint me as a monster?
Max, the problem is youre never satisfied. Im terrified to say a word, to buy anything, even to rest after lunch. If you find out Im tired, youll start yelling straight away. My nerves arent iron; I cant control myself any longer.
Stop whinging! You love to play the victim. It makes me sick.
His disgust made my stomach turn.
I dont understand whats happening, I murmured. Why are you like this?
Just behave, dont piss me off, and everything will be fine.
I looked at him and saw no warmth, no loveonly irritation.
Maybe we should see a counsellor? I suggested timidly.
A counsellor? You need one, not me. Youre always inventing problems out of thin air.
His words finally broke something inside me. I decided then that I had to leave. He grabbed a quick bite, turned on the telly, and I pulled out my old notebook, sketching a frantic escape plan. Every detail needed careful thought.
***
17October2025
I left the flat earlier than usual today, hoping a coffee shop would give me a quiet space to think. With a steaming mug of black coffee in front of me, I opened my notebook and began to outline the steps.
Step one: find a parttime job for extra income. Step two: rent a modest room, perhaps in a shared house. Step three: gather my belongings. Step four
Just then a familiar voice called, Olivia?
I looked up to see my former classmate Poppy standing by the counter, a bright smile on her face.
Poppy! Fancy seeing you here, I said, surprised.
Its been ages. What are you up to? Working around here?
Just needed a moment to think, I replied evasively.
You look off. Something wrong?
I hadnt heard genuine support in years. I never told my parents; I didnt want to burden them, and my friends seemed to drift away. The tears that had been held back for so long finally spilled over.
Poppy, everything is falling apart. Max is relentlesshe criticises me constantly, humiliates me. I cant take it any longer. Im scared hell become violent during our fights.
She listened without interruption, her eyes soft.
I want to leave him, Poppy. I really do, but Im terrified. I dont know where to start. How will I survive?
Run, Olivia! I wont let you fend for yourself. Come stay with me for a while. Do you remember my address? And look, there are free counselling services for women in abusive relationships. I didnt know they existed either.
Really? I asked, a flicker of hope rising.
Yes. Youre strong, youll get through this.
After work we met again, and the twohour conversation left me feeling lighter, as if Id shed a heavy coat.
***
18October2025
I returned home to find Max waiting in the armchair, eyes glued to the telly.
Where have you been? he asked without turning.
Out, I answered simply.
Youre out a lot these days. Got a lover now?
My chest went cold.
What are you talking about? I snapped.
Nothing. Just saying youre getting greedy.
Max, enough, I said, weariness in my voice. I wont listen to this any longer.
What do you want to hear? Compliments? Youll manage without them.
I took a deep breath, steadying myself.
Max, we need to talk.
About what? My infidelities?
No. About us. About our marriage.
What do you have to say?
I want a divorce.
His eyes widened in disbelief.
Youre mad! Divorce? Who will you be without me? No one! You should be grateful I still let you live under my roof.
I owe nothing to anyone. I deserve to be happy.
Happy? You think youll be happy without me? Youre wrong. Youre useless, youll never find anyone who wants you.
I fell silent. I wasnt going to argue any further; Id already decided.
Im leaving tomorrow, I said calmly.
Where will you go? Youre penniless! he shouted.
Thats none of your business.
Ill make sure you regret ever being born, you wretched thing! I gave you everything, I made a woman of you!
I didnt answer. I turned and walked toward the bedroom, determined to pack my things.
That night Max stayed in the living room, dozing in front of the TV. I lay awake in the dark, my thoughts a tangled mess of fear and uncertainty. I was terrified of the future, of being alone, of never finding happiness again. Most of all, I feared staying with Max.
The next morning I rose early, washed my face, dressed, and headed to the kitchen. Max was already there, coffee in hand.
You wont get anywhere, he growled. Dont even think about running while Im at work!
Ive already decided, I replied.
I wont let you!
Enough, Max
You dont understand what Im saying!
He lunged at me. I stepped back, pleading, Dont come near me, Max, please!
He shoved me against the wall. My head struck the plaster and I fell to the floor. The man I once loved raised his fist. I closed my eyes, bracing for the worst.
***
Soon after, neighbours hearing my screams called the police. Officers arrived, dragged Max away, and took me to the hospital. Once I was discharged, I filed for divorce without hesitationour marriage was a ruin, and I was finally free to rebuild.
Now, as I write this, I feel the first tremor of relief. The road ahead will be long, but for the first time in years Im walking it on my own terms.
