22October 2025
I never imagined I’d be writing this down while the kettle hissed in the kitchen, the children asleep upstairs, and my phone buzzing with messages from the office. Tonight, after a day that felt like a storm of deadlines and accusations, I finally sat at the kitchen table and tried to make sense of it all.
Eleanor stormed into the living room this afternoon, coffee cup clutched like a weapon. She smashed it against the wall; black coffee splattered across the floor, the shards glittering like cheap confetti. Youve chosen your job over me, she screamed, eyes blazing. Your endless conference calls, the constant trips, the promotion youre so desperate fordont you see what youre doing to us?
I tried to keep my voice level. Calm down, love, youre acting like a child, I said, though I could feel my own temper bubbling just beneath the surface. I cant cancel this business trip. Its tied to the promotion Ive been working toward for the past twentyplus years. Its the stepping stone to become the firms chief financial officer.
The promotion! Eleanor choked, her anger spilling over. You missed Katies graduation, didnt even call on my birthday after I reminded you a week in advance! And now youre off to Manchesterno, to Newcastleon a whim, while Michaels operation is only two days away.
I meant London, I blurted, then caught myself. But its the same point. I swallowed my retort, feeling the weight of every word she hurled at me.
She waved her hands like a frantic windmill. You wont be there when the anaesthetic is administered, when my son is terrified, when Im clinging to the kitchen walls in panicall because of some pointless piece of paper with your signature on it!
I pressed my palm across my face, feeling the faint lines of fatigue. Bags under my eyes, stubble on my chin, but the stubborn set in my gaze remained. Its just a routine tonsillectomy, love. Its not a brain tumour. Ive spoken to the surgeon myself. If anything goes wrong, Ill be on the first flight back.
Maybe something does go wrong! she snapped, digging her nails into the back of her hand. What then? What will we do?
Ill handle it, I replied, trying to sound reassuring. Ill call the hospital every hour until they tell me the operation went smoothly. Remember when Katie needed an appendectomy? I flew in that night, no questions asked.
She laughed, a bitter grin. You showed up eight hours after the surgery, when the doctors had already gone home and the surgeons were just getting off the operating table. Youre not a hero, Simon.
I shook my head, feeling the weight of the room pressing down. Im not a rubber band, Ellie. I cant snap in two. Im working hard to secure our future, just as you keep reminding me about that cramped flat, noisy neighbours, the distant tube station. You keep saying we should move, but Im terrified well never get the stability we need.
She sighed, halflaughing, halfcrying. Maybe we should have stayed in that council house, at least with a decent husband who actually shows up for his children, not just a landlord who pays the mortgage.
I dropped into the nearest chair, the wood groaning under my ninetykilogram frame. We agreed on this, didnt we? You stay at home, look after the kids, keep the house tidy, while I bring in the money. Nothings changed. Why is this suddenly a problem?
She opened her mouth to fire back, but the front door burst open. The childrens voices erupted into the hallway, backpacks thudding onto the floor. Alright, well talk later, she muttered, forcing a smile that strained her cheeks as she fled the kitchen.
I turned on my laptop, the screen glaring against the dimming light. I needed to finish the presentation before evening, but my mind was a thick fog with no clear thoughts.
Later, after the kids were tucked in, Eleanor sat at the kitchen table scrolling through her phone, eyes glazed. Twentytwo years of marriage felt more like a spreadsheet than a romanceincome, expenses, assets, liabilities. When did it all become so complicated? she whispered.
I walked over and sat opposite her. Coffee? I asked.
She nodded without looking up. We need to talk, Simon.
What about? I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
She pressed the kettle button, the whirr filling the silence. Everythings obvious. Youre leaving in two days. Michael and I will go to the hospital alone.
I reached for her shoulders, offering a gentle pressure. I know its hard. This promotion matters to me, but so does our family. Im not trying to choose one over the other.
Important for you, perhaps, she said, turning to meet my eyes. It feels like everything is for your ego, for your career. Weve become background characters in your life.
Im doing this for us, I replied quietly. For the security, for the future. Im not trying to run away.
She shook her head. When Michael talked about his operation, he said, Good thing its on dads business trip, otherwise Id be nervous about missing work. Hes eleven and already learning to fit his life around my schedule.
I stared at the floor, the words sinking in. I tried to be there for Katies graduation, but I missed it. I missed your birthday. Ive let moments slip through my fingers like sand.
She stared at the coffee cup, the steam curling like a question mark. Do you ever think about what would happen if we didnt have a promotion? If you stayed home a bit more? If we could just be a family again?
I swallowed, feeling the weight of my own silence. Ill talk to the board, see if the trip can be moved a day later so I can be with Michael. Ill rearrange the flights, even if it means paying extra. Ill call the hospital every hour until they confirm everythings fine.
She gave a halfsmile. You think that will fix everything? If is a dangerous word.
Ill consider a reduced schedule, maybe parttime, if the promotion comes through, I said, trying to sound hopeful. I dont want to lose you, Ellie. I dont want to lose our children.
She looked away, her voice barely above a whisper. I just want a father, not a provider who only shows up when the bill is due.
The night stretched on, the house filled only with the ticking clock and the low hum of the fridge. I finally managed to get a reply from the hospital: Michaels operation had gone well, he was in recovery, and could be visited in an hour. The nurses words lifted a small weight from my chest.
Katie, ever observant, asked whether we were getting a divorce. I felt my heart tighten. No, love, I said, trying to sound steady. Were having a rough patch, but were still together.
She looked at me, eyes full of the innocence that only children possess. People argue when they think we wont hear. Youre often away anyway, and Im scared youll leave for good.
I wanted to reassure her, but I could only promise what I could keep. Ill try to be more present. Ill try not to let work swallow me whole.
She sighed, pulling a small drawing from her backpacka picture of a silver plane with blue wings and black windows. Dads plane, she whispered, pointing at the sketch. Hell fly home on that.
I smiled despite myself. He will, sweetheart. Hell be home.
The next morning, after the hospital visit, I drove home feeling the engines rumble echo the turmoil inside me. I called my boss and asked for the trip to be postponed by a day. He agreed, albeit reluctantly, and said I could return after the conference.
When I finally got home, I found Eleanor at the kitchen table, a mug of tea steaming in front of her. She looked up, a mixture of fatigue and hope in her eyes. Did you manage it? she asked.
Yes, I said, sitting opposite her. Ive rescheduled. Ill be here for Michaels recovery and for you. I cant promise everything will be perfect, but Im willing to try.
We sat in silence for a moment, the weight of the evening settling like dust. I glanced at the photograph on the mantela sunny day at Brighton, the four of us laughing, the sea in the background. It was a reminder of what we once had, and what we could still have.
I close this entry knowing I have a long road ahead. I have learned that ambition without balance is a hollow victory. I must remember that my family isnt just a line item on a balance sheet; they are the heartbeat behind every decision.
**Lesson:** Success means little if it comes at the cost of the people who matter most. I will strive to keep my work and my home in harmony, lest I lose both.
