The key clicked in the lock and, trying not to make a sound, I slipped into the flat. The hallway was dark, only a thin strip of light creeping in from the kitchen. My parents were still up, even though the clock had long passed midnight. Lately that had become the normlatenight talks behind a closed door, usually quiet but sometimes edging into a muffled quarrel.
I kicked off my shoes, set my laptop bag on the nightstand and slipped down the corridor to my room. I didnt want to explain why Id been out late, though the reason was legitimate: a work project was refusing to come together and the deadline was breathing down my neck.
From the next room I could hear softened voices.
Enough, Tom, I cant go on like this, my mother said, her tone thinly veiled with irritation. You promised last month.
Len, understand, now isnt the time, my father replied, sounding as if he were once again making excuses.
I let out a tired sigh. My parents had been arguing constantly of late, but they pretended everything was fine around me. They were both over fifty, I was already an adult, yet it still hurt to sense something wrong in their relationship.
I undressed, washed up and crawled under the duvet, but sleep refused to come. My thoughts kept circling the same worry. My brother Tom lived in Manchester and rarely visited. If Mum and Dad decided to split, who would get the flat? Why were they keeping their problems hidden?
The voices didnt die down. I reached for the nightstand and felt my headphones, hoping music could drown out the secrets. My hand brushed my phone, which clattered onto the carpet. Picking it up, I accidentally opened the voice recorder. My finger hovered over the screen.
What if I recorded them? Just to find out what was really happening instead of guessing. If I asked directly, theyd probably brush me off and say everything was fine.
A pang of conscience hit meeavesdropping was wrong, let alone recording. But they were my parents, my family. I had a right to know if something serious was going on.
I turned the recorder on, placed the phone nearer the wall and pulled the duvet over my head.
In the morning, as I got ready for work, I noticed both Mum and Dad looked as if theyd barely slept. Over breakfast they exchanged only the usual pleasantries.
You got home late yesterday, Mum said, pouring tea. Stuck at work again?
Yes, the project ran over, I replied. Did you manage to get any sleep?
Just a film, Mum waved it off, not even looking at me.
Dad buried his face in the newspaper, pretending to be engrossed.
Dont expect me for dinner, he said without raising his eyes. I have client meetings, might be late.
Mum pursed her lips but said nothing.
All the way to the office I fought the urge to listen to the nights recording. The tube was too packed, and I felt guilty. I decided to wait until the evening.
The day dragged on forever. When I finally got home, Mum was gonea note said shed gone to a friends and would be back late. Dad was still at work, just as hed promised. Perfect timing.
I flopped onto the sofa, wrapped a blanket around me and pressed play.
At first only fragments of conversation came through, then the voice became clearer.
tell Emily? Dads tone was worried.
Im not sure, Mum sighed. Im afraid she wont understand. Its been so many years.
But she has a right to know.
Of course she does, but how do we explain why weve kept quiet all this time?
I froze. What were they hiding? What truth?
Remember how it all started? Dad asked, a smile sneaking into his voice.
Of course, Mum chuckled. I thought it would be a shortterm thing, turned out to be forever.
Quite the life weve built, Dad muttered. It wasnt always easy.
Especially after Emily arrived.
My heart sank. Especially? Did they see me as an unwanted child?
But we managed, Dad continued. She grew up wonderful.
Yes, Mum said proudly, and I felt a slight relief. Now we just need to decide what comes next. Im tired of this double life, Tom.
A double life? The thought of an affair, of both of them cheating, made my stomach turn.
Lets wait for Toms return. Well talk as a family.
Fine, Mum agreed. No more postponements. Either we change everything, or
The recording cut off, probably because they left the kitchen or the phone stopped.
I sat there, stunned. What was happening to my family? Why did they need Toms arrival to explain anything? A thousand questions, no answers. Should I record another conversation? That felt wrong, too. Maybe I should call Tom, or Aunt Clare, whos always been upfront with me.
I decided Id phone Tom tomorrow and, on the weekend, visit Aunt Clare.
Tom didnt answer all day, only popping back on the line late in the evening.
Hey, Em, sorrywas on a site, left my phone in the van, he said, his voice bright as ever.
Tom, when are you coming back? I asked straight away.
Weekend, why?
My parents are acting odd lately.
What do you mean odd?
Theyre whispering at night, pretending everythings fine. They keep talking about a double life.
A pause.
Tom?
Im here, he cleared his throat. Listen, people have secrets, even parents. If they dont bring it up themselves, they probably arent ready. Wait for me, okay? Ill be there Saturday and well sort it out.
Alright, I said reluctantly. What about Aunt Clare?
Dont, Tom cut in quickly. Keep her out of this. Let it stay between us.
That only deepened my anxiety. He really knew something, and he wanted to shield Aunt Clare. Was it about infidelity? A family scandal?
That night Mum returned from her friend, cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling.
Guess what, love? Helen is selling the flat! she announced as she stepped in. She wants to move to the country, get away from the hustle.
I nodded, unsure how to react.
Would you like to move to the country? I asked, surprised by my own question.
Mum hesitated, then answered cautiously, Maybe sometimes I think about it. Fresh air, a garden
What about Dad?
What Dad?
Does he want to go?
Mum grew serious. Ask him yourself. Hell be home late tonight, dont expect him at dinner.
Dad did come back sooner than promised. I was pouring tea when the front door slammed.
Dad, want some tea? I called.
Ill have a cup, he replied, slipping off his tie and heading to the kitchen. Wheres Mum?
Shes watching a film, I said, handing him a mug. Hows work?
Fine. The client finally accepted our terms, so were launching the project, he sighed, dropping into a chair. Anything else?
I took a deep breath. Is it true you and Mum have something important to tell me?
He stared at me, puzzled.
How did you know?
Tom mentioned hed be here this weekend and that youd explain everything, I lied, avoiding his gaze. He said youll tell me then.
James, my father, pursed his lips.
Yes, there is a conversation. But lets wait for Tom, alright? Itll be better that way.
Is it something bad? Are you divorcing? I asked straight.
What? No, of course not, he said, genuinely surprised. Why would you think that?
You keep whispering, Mum talked about a double life.
His expression flickered from confusion to understanding, then to relief.
Em, youve got it all wrong, he said, sighing. No divorce. Actually He stopped, choosing his words. Well sort it out this weekend, I promise. Nothing terrible.
Really?
Really, he squeezed my hand. Now lets have some tea before it gets cold.
That night I tossed and turned, trying to piece together the fragments Id heard. If not a divorce, then what? Illness? Money trouble? A move? The thought of a move made me uneasy; Id just started building my career here in London, making friends, loving the city.
What else could the opposite of divorce be? A renewal? A second wedding? I hadnt thought of that.
A soft knock at my door jolted me.
Cant sleep? Mum asked, peeking in.
No, I answered, propping myself up. Why are you up?
Just thinking, she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. What did your dad and I discuss?
Nothing special, I shrugged. Just work, Toms visit.
I know, she smiled faintly. He called.
We fell silent.
Mum, is everything really alright between you and Dad? I asked, unable to hold back.
Ellensorry, Helengave a strange smile.
Its fine. Sometimes life throws surprises even when youre fiftysomething. You just have to decide what to do with them.
Good surprises or bad?
Both, she said, gently ruffling my hair as she had when I was a child. Dont worry too early, love. Youll find out soon enough.
She kissed my forehead and left, leaving me with more questions than answers.
The weekend arrived abruptly, as they always seem to. Tom pulled up on Saturday lunchtime, tan, noisy, with a bag of gifts and a nervous edge in his eyes.
Shall we call this a family meeting? he joked as we gathered in the living room after lunch.
My parents exchanged a look.
Probably time, James said. We have news for you both.
I held my breath.
Were moving, Helen announced.
Where to? I asked.
To a village called Ashford, about three hundred miles from here, James replied. Weve actually owned a place there for years.
Why now? I pressed, glancing between them.
Because thats our true home, Helen said simply. Its where our heart is.
It turned out the house in Ashford had been bought fifteen years ago. It started as a modest cottage, a summer retreat. Over the years they visited more often, expanded the garden, added a beehive, even a small herd of chickens. Ten years ago it turned into a proper farman orchard, a vegetable patch, a beehive with fifteen hives, and plans for a cow.
A bee farm? I asked, astonished. You keep bees?
We do, James said proudly. The honeys topnotch.
And chickens, goats? Helen added. We could even get a cow this year.
So youre… farmers? I blurted.
Seems that way, Helen laughed. Weve got apple trees, pear trees, plums, raspberries, blackcurrants
I raised a hand to stop the flood of information. When do you actually go there? I thought you were always at work.
Work is both the office and the farm, James said. Were transitioning.
I turned to Tom. Did you know about all this?
Of course, he shrugged. I helped with the extensions, the second floor. I just never told you because you always said you hated the countryside. Remember when we took you to Grandmas farm? You cried and begged to go back.
That was when I was a kid! I protested. Im an adult now!
Yes, but you never asked where we really went when we said cottage.
You were keeping a secret! I snapped.
James and Helen looked at each other.
We never meant to hide it, Helen said softly. We just called it a cottage, didnt specify it was a fullblown farm. It became our little secret.
The double life, I muttered, recalling the nights recording.
Exactly, James nodded. In the city were office workers, out there were farmers. And were genuinely happy.
So you plan to move there permanently? What about the jobs?
Im retiring next month, Helen announced. James has arranged to work remotely, only coming into the city once a week for meetings.
What about the flat? I asked.
We can leave it to you if you want, or sell it and split the proceeds. Its your call.
I sank back onto the sofa, trying to digest everything.
So you had a whole farm all this time, and I never knew, I said bitterly. Brilliant.
Em, we didnt do it on purpose, Helen moved closer, hugging my shoulders. We just didnt know how to tell you without hurting you, then we got more involved and it became complicated. Forgive us.
I stayed quiet, taking it all in. Then I asked, Can I come and see? The house, the farm?
Absolutely! James beamed. Tomorrow if you like.
Tomorrow, I confirmed. Ill go with you.
That night sleep eluded me again. A mix of resentment, curiosity, and excitement churned inside. How many years had I missed while buried in my career, friends, city life?
My parents had been living two livescity professionals and country farmers. Why had they been so afraid to tell me?
The next morning, we piled into the car and set off. The farther we left London, the more animated my parents became, rattling off stories about neighbours, their horticultural experiments, the sauna James built, Helens canning skills.
When the motorway gave way to a narrow country lane, Helen turned to me.
Weve wanted to tell you for ages, especially now that were moving for good. We feared youd laugh at usold city folk playing at farming.
I wouldnt laugh, I said quietly.
We understand now that we should have trusted you more, Helen added. Youre grown, and we should have been honest.
The car stopped at the gates of a sizable estate, where a charming timber house stood.
Ready to meet our secret life? James said, turning off the engine and looking at me. Shall we?
I nodded and opened the passenger door. Fresh scent of grass and blossoms hit me. A cow lowed in the distance, chickens clucked, and a bee buzzed somewhere nearby. Tom was unloading bags from the boot.
Its ridiculous you kept this from me, I said, shaking my head. But you know what? I like it.
Helen wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
Weve even set up a spare bedroom for you, just in case you want to spend weekends here.
Or even summers? James suggested, hopeful.
I smiled. We can talk about that later. First, show me the bees. I need to know why you swapped city life for this.
We walked down the path to the orchard, and I felt, perhaps for the first time, that I was gaining more than just an answer to a mystery. I was being handed a whole new world, one Id never imagined. And maybe, just maybe, there was a place for me in it too.
