The key clicked in the lock and, trying not to rustle, Marian slipped into the flat. The hallway was a pool of darkness, only a sliver of light sneaking in from the kitchen. Her parents were still awake, even though the clock had long passed midnight. Lately this had become a habitlong night conversations behind a closed door, usually quiet, sometimes swelling into a lowkey argument.
Marian slipped off her shoes, set her laptop bag on the nightstand and slipped down the corridor to her room. She didnt want to explain why she was late, though the reason was legitimatea work project that refused to line up and a deadline that kept tightening.
Through the wall came muffled voices.
No, Tom, I cant go on like this, her mother said softly, irritation threading her tone. You promised last month.
Lily, understand, now isnt the time, her father replied, sounding like he was again making excuses.
Marian exhaled wearily. Her parents had been squabbling a lot lately, yet they pretended everything was fine in her presence. They were well into their fifties, she was an adult, but it still hurt to sense a crack in their marriage.
She changed into nightclothes, washed her face and slipped under the blanket, but sleep wouldnt come. The same thoughts turned over and over: her brother Eddie lived in Birmingham, visited rarely. If they divorcedwho would keep the flat? Who would get the house? Why were they hiding their troubles?
The voices behind the wall didnt quiet. Marian reached for the nightstand and felt the headphones, hoping to drown the secrets in music. Her hand brushed the phone, which fell onto the carpet. Picking it up, she accidentally opened the voicerecorder. Her finger hovered over the screen.
What if she recorded them? Just to hear what was really happening, instead of guessing. If she asked outright, they would probably brush it off, saying everything was fine.
A pang of conscience fluttered. Eavesdropping felt wrong, let alone recording. Yet they were her parents, her family. She deserved to know if something serious was afoot.
Resolute, Marian turned the recorder on, placed the phone back on the nightstand nearer the wall and pulled the blanket over her head.
The next morning, as she was getting ready for work, she noticed both mother and father looked unrefreshed. At breakfast they exchanged only the usual pleasantries.
You got home late yesterday, her mother remarked, pouring tea. Stuck at work again?
Yeah, the project ran over, Marian replied. Didnt you both get any sleep?
We were watching a film, her mother waved it off without looking at her.
Her father buried his face in the newspaper, pretending to be engrossed.
Dont expect me for dinner tonight, he said without raising his eyes. Got a client meeting, might be late.
His lips pressed together, but he said nothing more.
All day Marian fought the urge to listen to the nights recording. The tube was too crowded, and it felt shameful. She decided to wait until evening.
The day dragged on. When she finally returned home, her mother was gonea note said shed gone to a friends and would be back late. Her father was, as promised, still at work. The perfect moment.
She flopped onto the sofa, wrapped herself in a blanket and pressed play.
At first only fragments of speech drifted out, then the words sharpened.
should we tell Marian? her fathers voice was uneasy.
I dont know, her mother sighed. Im scared she wont understand. So many years have passed.
But she has a right to know.
Of course she does, but how do we explain why we kept quiet all this time?
Marian froze. What were they hiding? What truth lay behind their whispered arguments?
Remember how it all began? her father asked, a faint smile in his tone.
Of course, her mother chuckled. I thought it would be temporary, but it turned into a lifetime.
What a life its become, her father muttered. Sometimes its been hard.
Especially when Marian showed up.
Marians heart tightened. Especially? she thought. Was she an unwanted child? Or something else?
But we managed, her father continued. And she grew into a wonderful woman.
Yes, her mothers voice swelled with pride. Now we need to decide what to do next. Im tired of this double life, Tom.
A double life? Marian felt a chill. Was there an affair? The thought made her nauseous.
Lily, lets wait for Eddies arrival. Well discuss everything as a family.
Fine, her mother agreed. No more postponements. Either we change everything, or I dont know what then.
The recording cut off, likely as they left the kitchen or the recorder died.
Marian sat, stunned. What was happening to her family? Why did they need Eddies return to explain? A thousand questions, no answers. Should she record another conversation? That felt too far. She embarrassed herself for giving in to the urge. Better to talk to her brotherhe was older, maybe he knew more. Or Aunt Doris, her mothers sister, who had always been frank with Marian.
She decided: tomorrow she would call Eddie, and over the weekend shed visit Aunt Doris.
Eddie didnt answer all day, finally calling just before evening.
Hey, Mar sorry, I was on a site, left my phone in the van, he said, his voice as lively as ever.
When are you coming back? Marian asked straight away.
This weekend, whats up?
Mom and dad are strange lately.
Strange how? Eddies tone grew cautious.
They whisper at night, act like everythings fine. Talk about some double life.
A pause.
Mar?
Yeah, Im here, Eddie said, coughing. Listen, dont read too much into it. People have secrets, even parents.
So you know whats going on?
I I think I have an idea, but they arent ready to tell us. Wait for me, okay? Ill be there Saturday, then well talk.
Alright, Marian replied reluctantly. What about Aunt Doris?
No need, Eddie said quickly. Lets keep this between us.
The conversation only heightened Marians anxiety. He really seemed to know something, and he was protecting Aunt Doris. Could it be an affair? A family scandal?
That evening her mother returned, brightminded from her friends house. Her cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling.
Guess what, love, Tom is selling the flat! He wants to move to the countryside, she announced at the doorway. Tired of the citys noise.
Marian nodded, unsure how to react.
Would you like to move to the country? she asked herself suddenly.
Her mother paused, then answered carefully.
I dont know sometimes it feels right. Peace, fresh air, a garden.
And dad?
What dad?
Would he want to go?
Ask him yourself, her mother said, suddenly solemn. Hell be home late tonight. Dont expect him for dinner.
Fortunately, her father arrived earlier than promised. Marian was fixing herself a cup of tea when the front door slammed.
Pop, want a cuppa? she called.
On my way, he shouted, stripping his tie as he entered. Wheres Mom?
Shes in the living room, watching a film, Marian replied, handing him a mug. Hows work?
All right, he sighed, dropping into a chair. The client finally accepted our terms, so the project goes ahead.
Good, Marian said, placing the mug before him. Is it true you and Mom have something important to tell me?
Her fathers eyes widened.
Where did you get that from?
Eddie mentioned hed be here this weekend and youd explain everything, Marian replied, a hint of false bravado in her voice.
He pressed his lips together, then spoke.
Yes, there is a talk. But lets wait for Eddie, okay? Itll be proper then.
Is it something bad? Are you getting a divorce? she asked bluntly.
What? No, of course not! Why would you think that?
You keep whispering, arguing. Mom talked about a double life.
Her fathers face shifted from confusion to understanding, then to a tentative relief.
Marish, youve got it all wrong, he exhaled. No divorce. Actually, he halted, just wait till the weekend. I promise, nothing terrible.
Really?
Absolutely, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. Now have some tea before it gets cold.
That night Marian lay awake, turning the fragments of conversation over like broken glass. If it wasnt a divorce, what then? Illness? Money trouble? A move? The thought unsettled her. She had just begun to build her career, made friends, loved the city.
A soft knock on her door broke the silence.
Cant sleep? her mother asked, peeking in.
No, Marian lifted herself onto an elbow. What are you doing up?
Just thinking about things, her mother sat on the edge of the bed. What did you and dad discuss?
Nothing special, Marian shrugged. Just work, Eddie. Hes coming this weekend.
I know, her mother said, nodding. He called.
They fell silent.
Mom, are you and dad really okay? Marian finally asked.
Her mother smiled oddly.
Perfectly fine. Sometimes life throws surprises at you, even when youre fiftysomething. You just have to deal with them.
Good surprises or bad?
Both, her mother stroked Marians hair, as she used to do when she was a child. Dont worry ahead of time, love. Youll find out soon enough.
She kissed her forehead and left, leaving Marian even more bewildered.
The weekend arrived suddenly, as weekends always do. Eddie pulled up at noon, suntanned and noisy, carrying bags and an unfamiliar tension in his eyes.
So, family council? he joked as they all settled in the living room after lunch.
Her parents exchanged a look.
Yes, perhaps its time, her father said. We have news for you.
Marian held her breath.
Were moving, her mother announced.
Where to? Marian asked, eyes darting between them.
To the countryside, her father replied. Specifically a place called Oakfield, about two hundred miles from here.
Why? Marian pressed.
Because thats where our real home is, her mother said simply. Our true home.
It turned out they had bought a farm there fifteen years ago. It started as a modest cottage, a summer retreat, then grew into a fullblown homestead with gardens, a beeyard, even plans for a cow.
Bees? Marian gasped. You keep bees?
Yes, her father beamed. Fifteen hives now. The honeys excellent.
Chickens, goats? her mother added. Were thinking of taking a cow this year.
Marian stared, mouth open.
So youre farmers? she asked.
It appears so, her mother laughed. Do you know how many apple trees, pear trees, plums, raspberries, blackberries we have?
Wait, Marian raised a hand, halting the flood. If you grow all this when do you go to the city? I thought you disappeared at work.
Work is both the office in London and the farm out here, her father explained. Its a dual existence.
She turned to Eddie.
Did you know?
Of course, Eddie shrugged. I helped them with the extensions. The house is twostorey now.
And nobody told me? Marians frustration boiled over. Why?
Her parents looked at each other.
Because you always said you hated the countryside, her mother whispered. Remember how we used to drive you to Grandmas? Youd cry and beg to go back. When we suggested a weekend away, you always found excuses.
That was when I was a child! Marian protested. Im an adult now!
Yet you never asked where we really went, her father said gently. It felt awkward to admit we had a secret.
You hid it! Marian snapped.
Not at first, her mother replied. We said we were going to the cottage. We didnt say it was a fullscale farm. It became our hidden life.
Double life, Marian muttered, recalling the nights recording.
Exactly, her father confirmed. In the city were office workers; out there were farmers. And were genuinely happy.
And you want to move there permanently? What about work?
Im retiring next month, her mother said. Your dad has arranged to work remotely. Hell come into the city once a week for meetings.
The flat? Marian asked.
Well leave it to you if you want, or we can sell it and split the proceeds. Its your call.
Marian sank into the sofa, trying to absorb the revelation.
So youve had a whole farm all this time, and I knew nothing, she said, bitterness tinging her voice. Fantastic.
We didnt mean to hurt you, her mother moved closer, wrapping an arm around Marians shoulders. It just happened. First we didnt want to upset you, then we didnt know how to say it, and finally we got tangled in our own little game. Forgive us.
Marian was silent, the words sinking in. Then she asked, Can I come and see? The house, the farm?
Of course! her father exclaimed. Tomorrow, if you like.
Tomorrow, Marian agreed. Ill go with you.
That night sleep eluded her again. Anger mixed with curiosity, irritation with excitement. How many years had she missed while buried in her job, friends, city life? Meanwhile her parents had been living a split existencehalf city, half countryside. Why had they been so afraid to tell her?
The next morning they piled into a car and set off. The farther they drove from London, the more animated the parents became, rattling off stories about neighbours, experiments with new vegetable varieties, a sauna the father had built himself, and the mothers homemade jams.
When the car turned onto a narrow country lane, her mother turned to Marian.
You know, weve wanted to tell you for ages, especially now that were moving for good. We feared your reaction.
We thought youd laugh at uscity retirees playing at farming, her father added.
I wouldnt laugh, Marian whispered.
We understand now, her mother smiled. Youre grown, and we should have trusted you more.
The car stopped at the gate of a sprawling property, where a handsome timber house stood.
Welcome to our real home, her father said, turning off the engine. Ready to meet our secret life?
Marian nodded and opened the car door. A fresh scent of herbs and blossoms hit her face. Somewhere in the distance a cow lowed, chickens clucked, and a bee hummed. Her brother was unloading bags from the boot.
I still cant believe you kept a whole life from me, Marian said, shaking her head. But you know what? I like it.
Her mother hugged her tightly.
We do too. And theres a spare roomyoursjust in case you want to visit on weekends.
Or in summer? her father suggested.
Marian smiled.
Lets talk about that later. First, show me the bees. I need to understand why you swapped city for country.
They walked down a garden path, and Marian felt she might have gained more than just a family secretperhaps a whole new way of living shed never imagined. And maybe, just maybe, there was a place for her in that world, too.
