Milly had lived for him. And for nothing.
What do you mean youre leaving? Victor asked, his voice calm as ever. After twenty years of marriage? What about me? Milly clutched the cuff of his jacket so hard her knuckles turned white.
Emily, let go, Victor said, gently pulling her hands away. Ive made up my mind. Enough of the tantrums. You know its over between us.
I dont understand a thing! Yesterday we were talking about our holiday, about fixing the bathroom, and now youre packing? Millys voice cracked into a shout.
The day before she had been making summer plans. Victor had been nodding, answering in vague bursts, and then, suddenly, Emily, Im going to Laura. At first she thought shed misheard. Then she hoped it was a joke. But Victor was dead serious.
Whos Laura? Emily managed to sputter.
My colleague. Weve been seeing each other for six months, Victor replied as if they were discussing a new television set, not the collapse of a marriage.
Emily sank into the armchair, looking at the man shed spent two decades with and not recognising him. Where had the shy, gentle, caring Victor gone? In his place stood a stranger with cold eyes.
That night she didnt sleep. Wrapped in an old dressing gown, she paced the kitchen, replaying every day of their life together, looking for the moment when things went wrong. How had she missed the chill in his voice? How had she failed to see the other womans shadow?
In the early hours Victor stood in the hallway with a travel bag. He was leaving her alone, stunned, deafened, crushed.
Victor, please, lets talk, Emily pleaded, no longer shouting. You cant throw away twenty years in a single breath. Did something happen at work? Do you need time to think?
Theres nothing to think about, Emily, Victor said, not meeting her eyes, fiddling with the zip on his bag. I love someone else. Im bored with you. Youre a good housekeeper, but that isnt enough. Laura understands me, shes exciting.
So Im just a cook and a washerwoman? Emilys bitterness spilled over.
I never said that. Dont twist my words, Victor snapped, pressing his lips together. Ill call a solicitor, well sort the divorce. Ill leave you the flat, dont worry.
I dont want the flat! I want a family! I want you! she raised her voice again.
Emily, stop. My cab is waiting downstairs.
He snapped the bag shut, scanned the room as if checking hed taken everything, and headed for the door.
Victor! Emily lunged after him. If you walk out now, never come back! Hear me?
He turned at the threshold: Youve always been a bit dramatic, Emily. Lets keep the theatrics down. Ill collect the rest of my things next week.
The door slammed. Emily leaned against the wall and slowly slid down onto the floor. The flat was empty. No tears, no painjust a deafening void and bewilderment.
Lucy, Emilys best friend, burst in the moment she heard the news. She took in the scene: her friend sitting dazed in a chair, photographs strewn about, a vase shattered on the floor.
Molly, love, Lucy said, hugging her. Let me make you a cup of tea and you can tell me everything.
While the kettle whistled, Lucy tidied up, collected the broken pieces, fetched a blanket and wrapped Emilys trembling shoulders.
Hes gone to a younger woman, right? Lucy asked once Emily steadied herself.
I dont even know. He called her a colleague. Her names Laura, Emily shrugged.
Classic British drama, Lucy sighed. Grey beard, devils grin.
Theres no grey at all! Victor looks fine, Emily protested. And that woman cant be that much younger than us.
So what does it matter? Lucy snapped. What matters is that your husband swapped twenty years of a happy marriage for an affair with a colleague.
Maybe its my fault? Emilys eyes reddened. Did I do something wrong? Did I miss something?
Dont blame yourself! Lucy cut in. Ive watched you all these yearsalways for the family, always for him. You never breathed without his permission. Didnt you give up your career when he said a woman should stay at home? Didnt you make his lowcholesterol meals when the doctor ordered them? Didnt you skip a visit to your sister because he wanted new wallpaper in the lounge?
But thats what a wife does, Emily whispered. Im supposed to care for him
Exactlysupposed to, Lucy said, shaking her head. All your life youve been supposed to someone: husband, motherinlaw, society. What about yourself? When did you ever have to be supposed to you?
Emily lowered her gaze. Shed never considered that. A pretty girl from a modest background, shed married the ambitious Victor, whose welltodo academic family never thought her equal. To prove herself, she quit music schoolher mother called it frivolous and Victor backed her. She took a secretarial job at a respectable firm, then gave it up when Victor decided she should devote herself entirely to the home.
They never had childrenEmily suffered a miscarriage at three months, and doctors later said her chances of a successful pregnancy were slim. Victor was disappointed; hed always wanted a son. He eventually settled, and Emily tried to fill the emptiness with relentless care.
Emily, maybe its for the best, Lucy said, breaking the heaviness. Its time you start living for you.
How can you say that? My life is over! Emily cried.
Nonsense! Youre fortytwo, still beautiful. Look at yourselfyouve disappeared into him. Wheres the real Emily? The one who sang with goosebumps, who dreamed of travel, who wanted to help children in care homes?
Emily fell silent. Lucy was rightthe real Emily lay somewhere in the past. Shed spent twenty years living someone elses life.
Alright, love, Lucy stood. Ill stay over tonight. Tomorrow well figure out what to do next. For now, take a shower and have this, she handed a pill. Itll help you sleep.
Morning brought no relief. Emily felt broken. Lucy was already bustling in the kitchen, whipping up breakfast and humming cheerfully.
Good morning, sleepyhead! Lucy chirped, spotting her. Omelettes almost ready. Sit down, eat.
I dont want it, Emily shook her head. I cant get food down.
Fine, Lucy said, turning off the stove. Lets pack a bag and go to my cottage. Fresh air helps clear the mind, and theres plenty to keep you busy.
No thanks, Lucy, Emily replied wearily. Ill stay. Maybe Victor will change his mind and come back
And youll take him back after he abandoned you for the first woman he saw? Lucy shot back. Laura isnt some random flinghe says shes interesting.
So Im boring then? Lucy snapped. What does he even know about interesting people? Hes glued to his work, has almost no friends, his hobbies are the sofa and the telly. Youve spent twenty years guessing his wishes, and now hes bored!
Stop it, Emily winced. Victor is educated, reads books, attends lectures
He attends one lecture a year, Lucy noted. Did he ever take you with him?
I never wanted to, Emily admitted. My duties were always at home
Of course, a borscht wont cook itself, Lucy quipped. And Laura apparently can both cook borscht and attend intellectual events.
Emily sighed. Maybe Lucy was rightshed let herself become uninteresting to Victor, sinking into domestic routine and forgetting her own growth.
Lets go to the cottage, she decided abruptly. Youre right, I need a distraction.
Lucys cottage turned out to be a tiny, cosy cottage surrounded by blooming gardens, the only sounds being birdsong. It was perfect for healing.
From dawn till dusk Lucy tended the garden, and Emily helpedraking, watering, picking berries. The physical labour kept her mind off Victor and his betrayal.
One evening, as they sat on the veranda sipping tea made with fresh blackberries, Lucy asked, Do you remember singing at music school? You had a lovely voice.
That was ages ago, Emily waved a hand.
No, you didnt lose it, you just buried it, Lucy insisted. Victor was always jealous of your music.
What nonsense? Emily laughed. He thought singing in clubs was frivolous, not a profession.
You could have gone professional, Lucy argued. Your teacher, Mr. Ivan, said you had huge potential. Remember him?
And what does that matter now?
That youve buried yourself alive for a husband who never appreciated you.
Emily thought back. She had once dreamed of the stage, of a singing career. Then Victor appeared, and everything changed.
I have an idea, Lucy said suddenly. Lets go to the local community club. They have live music on weekends, karaoke. Well shake things up.
Are you mad? Emily gasped. Im almost fortythree, a married womanwell, I was
Exactlywas, Lucy replied. Now youre a free woman with choices. Either you sit and weep over a man who left you, or you start living anew.
The club was noisy and bright, full of young people. Emily felt out of place under the flashing lights, but with Lucys encouragement and a glass of wine, she began to relax.
Nowkaraoke! Lucy shouted when the host appeared.
No, I wont, Emily protested.
You will, Lucy insisted. Stop hiding.
Before Emily could protest further, she found herself on stage, microphone in hand. The opening line of Ill Never Forget You from a classic musical flickered on the screenher old favourite.
She started softly, tentatively, but with each note her voice grew stronger. The room fell silent, hanging on her. When she finished, applause erupted.
Brilliant! someone shouted.
Emily stepped down, legs trembling. A middleaged man in jeans and a checkered shirt approached.
Fantastic! I havent heard a performance like that in ages. Are you a professional singer? he asked.
No, just a housewife, Emily blushed.
I dont believe it, he laughed. Im Michael, I run the local choir.
Michael, Emily replied, shaking his hand. Nice to meet you.
Listen, Emily, we have a vacancy for a soloist. Would you consider it? Michael said, handing her a card.
Lucy, standing nearby, nudged her: Of course shell say yes, right, Em?
Emily hesitated: I havent sung in years
But you sang beautifully just now, Michael said. Think about it. Heres my card. Ill wait for your call.
Lucy could not stop beaming on the way back: Did you see the audience? You were brilliant! And Michael is a great bloke.
Dont get me wrong, Emily said, Im not looking for another lover.
Why not? Lucy teased. Youre a single woman now, legally at least.
Legally, yes, Lucy replied. But in practice he dumped you for someone else. You have every right to start a new life.
A new life Emily turned the card over in her hands. Could she really join a choir? Could she finally chase the dream shed buried?
The next morning she called Michael and arranged a meeting.
The choir was amateur but talented, meeting three times a week at the community centre. Michael, after hearing her again, was thrilled and offered her several solo parts.
Your voice is amazing, he said. Its a shame you didnt go professional.
It just didnt happen, Emily shrugged. Life took a different turn.
Never too late to change, Michael smiled.
Rehearsals became a breath of fresh air. Emily felt like shed returned to the youthful days when music was her joy. She also enjoyed meeting the other singers, a varied bunch united by love of song.
A month passed. She still hadnt signed the divorce papers, hoping Victor might change. She tried calling him; he either didnt answer or spoke coldly. The solicitor had emailed the paperwork, but she lingered.
One afternoon, after a rehearsal, Victor appeared at her door. Her heart leapthad he come back?
Hi, he said. May I come in?
Of course, Emily opened quickly. Come in.
Victor stepped inside, looking around. Did you redecorate?
I just moved the furniture, hung new curtains, Emily replied. I havent been idleIve been changing the flat, getting rid of clutter, making space.
It looksdifferent, Victor remarked. You havent signed the papers. My solicitor is pressing.
Emily felt a cold knot form. He wasnt back; he was here to push the divorce.
I havent had time, she stammered. Ive been busy.
Busy with what? Not working?
Im singing in the choir now, she said defiantly. Three rehearsals a week, plus some performances.
What? You? In a choir? Victor looked stunned. Thatsjust a hobby.
It matters to me, Emily answered coolly. I even have solo parts.
Victor scoffed. And how long have you been doing that?
Almost a month.
How did you get into it?
Lucy helped. Look, if youre only here for the paperwork, Ill sign and send it to your solicitor.
Actually, I wanted to talk, Victor said unexpectedly. Maybe you could make me a coffee?
Emily walked to the kitchen, heart pounding. Could he have changed? While she brewed, he stared at her.
Youve changed. Lost a bit of weight?
A little, she said, placing the cup before him. What did you want to talk about?
Victor paused, gathering his thoughts. You know, things with Laura arent as smooth as I thought. Shes always out with friends, has her own interests. At home theres a mess, she doesnt cook every day
Emily barely hid a smile. The piece fell into place. Laura wasnt the tidy housewife hed imagined.
What do you want from me? she asked.
Maybe we could try again? Victor suggested. I havent filed for divorce
And the solicitors papers?
Justa scare, he waved a hand. Emily, you love me. Twenty years isnt a joke.
Emily looked at Victor and realised she felt nothingno joy, no relief, not even bitterness. Just emptiness.
No, Victor, she said calmly. Im not trying again.
What? Youre refusing?
Yes, she answered firmly. Ive learned a lot this month. I lived for you, and you never valued that. You left when you wanted something new, never thinking of my feelings. Now that its inconvenient, youre back.
You dont understand! Victor shouted. I made a mistake! I love you!
No, Victor, you dont understand, Emily said. You love the comfort I created, the service you received. You never wanted the real me, the woman who sings, who wants to learn, who is curious about the world beyond these walls.
Victor stared at her as if she were mad. Emily, what are you talking about? The real me?
The me who loves to sing, who wants to grow, who wants a life beyond this flat, she replied.
Victor looked bewildered. Emily, stop. Youre my wife. Weve been together twenty years. Yes, I was a fool. But now things will be different, I promise!
Yes, things will be different, Emily smiled. Just not with you. Ill send the papers to your solicitor. Now I have to get ready for rehearsal.
Victor shouted after her, Youll regret this! No one will want you in your choir! Youll just be a wannabe singer and come back!
Emily gave no answer. When the door shut behind Victor, she stood for a moment listening to the quiet. Inside, a calm settled over her. She walked to the mirror, fixed her hair, brushed a shade of lipstick onto her lips and smiled at her reflection.
Lived for him. And for nothing, she thought, then headed out to the choir, where fresh songs and new friends awaited. Perhaps even a new loveMichael had shown a keen interest latelybut that, she mused, was a story for another day.
The lesson she carried forward was simple: a life lived solely for another person soon turns to ash; the only lasting foundation is the one you build for yourself.
