So, dear guests, have you had your fill? Been wellenough fed and drunk? Did I manage to satisfy you? Julia asked, rising to the head of the long oak table in the dining room of the old townhouse on Baker Street.
Absolutely, sis, Brian said, a satisfied grin spreading across his face. As always, youve outdone yourself!
Every single bit, Natalie chimed in. The two of us learned to cook with Mum, but Ive never managed anything as tasty as this. No wonder I keep begging you to cater my parties!
Mum, Anastasia interjected, I cant seem to get out of the gym, but I just cant stop!
Ill send my wife over so you can teach her a thing or two, Andrew added, nodding.
Thats why I married you, Victor said, belching loudly. Pardon my manners!
So Ive pleased you, then! Julias smile widened, then faded in an instant. She paused, her face turning icecold. And now, all of you, my dear and beloved she let the silence hang a heartbeat longer, then snapped, get out of my house!
It was the last dinner she would ever prepare for them. The last time she would bend over the stove for them. She no longer wanted to see them, hear them, or even think of them.
She seized the massive brass salad bowl from the table, lifted it with a frantic strength, and hurled it onto the floor, shattering it into a spray of lettuce and metal.
Enough, you little brats! The dancings over, she snarled, a cruel grin cutting across her face. I wont let any of you ride on my back any longer, especially not you!
A heavy hush settled over the room. The guests stared, stunned, their minds trying to piece together how someone as gentle, dutiful, and everready as Julia could snap so violently.
Are you out of your mind? Victor asked, his voice trembling.
He received an immediate slap from his wife, the sound echoing like a gunshot.
Call an ambulance, shes having a fit! Natalie shouted.
Julia lifted the empty decanter, the last drops of red wine glinting in the dim light.
Anyone reach for the phone and youll feel a punch straight to the head, she said, smiling sweetly. Now, why are you all just standing there? Get moving, my insatiable little gremlins!
Julia! Brian barked. As your older brother I tell you: calm down, pull yourself together!
No! Julia snapped back, her smile twisted. Im done catering to you! I wont serve, I wont run errands, I wont be the one who rushes everywhere because someone else cant lift a finger! Thats it!
Whats got you so riled up? Victor asked, rubbing his reddening cheek. Everything was fine!
I didnt summon you all for nothing, Julia slumped back into her chair, leaning against the polished backrest. Your brazen entitlement has crossed every line, and its been that way for ages. Your final little protest only proved how bold youve become. I wont have you in my life any longer.
We didnt do anything wrong, Andrew muttered.
Exactly, my son! Victor retorted.
***
People always say you have to live a proper life, and you cant argue with that. But what does proper even mean? Ask anyone, and youll get a dozen different answers.
Julia had spent fortyfive years convinced shed lived exactly the right way. At the very least, she could never blame herself. She was the third child, with an older sister, grew up pleasing her parents, doting on her brother, and never quite bothering her sister. School was a blur, work a steady march; she never reached for the stars, nor did she settle for a deadend.
She married in her twenties, raised two children, was a devoted wife, supportive of her husband, never raised a voice without cause. She was a good mother, educated her kids, and sent them off into the world. As an adult she kept in touch with her brother and sister, helping when needed, celebrating together, sharing troubles and joys. Everyone called her kind, caring, intelligent, and understanding.
So Julia truly believed shed lived correctly. Then, at fortyfive, she was abandoned, left alone at the most miserable moment of her life.
***
Miss JuliaMiller, the doctor said after lunch, sliding a folder across the table, all your tests are back, no contraindications. Shall we schedule the operation?
Of course, Doctor, Julia replied, a hollow tone in her voice. The decisions already made.
I understand, the doctor said, noting the shadow under her eyes, but you never know
Go ahead, Julia waved a hand. The sooner we start, the sooner it ends.
Very well, the doctor scribbled in her chart. Youll have dinner tonight, nothing tomorrow, and the surgery the day after.
He turned to the woman in the next bed. Catherine, your results need a bit more work, well look into it.
Right, Dr. O’Neill, Catherine answered.
When the doctor left, he asked Julia, Whats the matter, you look so down? Afraid of the operation?
That too, Julia sighed, glancing at her phone. My husband she pointed at the screen.
My husband left me with a playlist of sad songs, Catherine chuckled. I bet the kids will run back to their mum, and hell throw a party for himself! Hell sort it out eventually. Maybe hes gone off on a binge?
According to his last voice message, hes already fullblown, Julia pursed her lips. He knows, that parasite, that Im having an operation. He should at least show some support! Instead, hes out drinking with his mates!
Oh, those lads, Catherine waved her hand dismissively. Theyre all the same! A cat in the house, mice dancing around!
Still, it hurts, Julia said. A hysterectomy is a serious thing. A little bit of encouragement wouldve meant the world. I told him I was terrified and needed his support. He sent two short texts after I left and now doesnt even answer!
Catherine, ten years younger, didnt have the experience to soothe her, and their conversation dwindled into silence.
Julia skipped dinner, taking nothing with her, knowing shed have to fast before the operation. She lay on the hospital bed, staring at the ceiling, remembering a time when Vasily broke his leg in two places at work. Shed driven to the hospital every day after his shift, bringing homemade meals and clean clothes, staying up late with him, barely making it home by midnight. When he was released, she took a leave of absence to help him, like a squirrel on a treadmill, never refusing a single taskwater, feeding, washing, grooming.
Why does he treat me like this? Julia asked when Catherine returned from her own dinner.
Hes not alone in that, Catherine smiled. Theyre all like that! Consumers! Taught in school to sit on a ladys lap?
I pushed a threeyearold onto a job, arranged placements through contacts, chose a fatter spot for him. He never liked it. He only started working after I threatened divorce and alimony. My husband works, Julia replied.
Your husbands a different breed, Catherine gestured, but theyre all exploiters! If you dont tie them down first, theyll sit on your neck, scratch your legs, and keep running off! Thats what Ive learned.
Julia began to realise her husband was like cheese melting in buttersoft, useless, and she was left scrambling on the back foot.
Maybe Im overreacting? she asked, nerves raw from the upcoming operation. Am I just spiralling?
One thing doesnt stop the other, Catherine replied. And the fact you hear no kind words from him is plain as day! My husband, even if hes just a bloke, brings me fruit juices daily, calls, sends heart emojis.
Julia turned away, pulling the blanket over her head.
***
Going a day without food, even when you need it, is miserable. Julia tried to distract herself with chatter, but the constant blood tests and scans meant Catherines visits were short and sporadic.
Phone in hand, she thought, Relatives will always pick up, just to kill time.
Her son Andrew didnt answer, sending a text that hed call back. Her daughter Natalie missed two calls, then her number became unavailable. Good kids, Julia muttered, bewildered.
They wont pick up? Catherine asked between examinations.
Imagine that! Julia replied. Is it really that hard to answer your own mother?
Adults? Catherine laughed. Theyve moved out already.
Forget it, mum, youll only see them when you need something! Theyve flown out of the nest, and a gust of wind will carry them back when it suits them!
My eldest, sixteen now, doesnt even think of me as a penny. If they live apart, parents become unnecessary. At least theyll show up for a funeral!
No, we have a great relationship! Julia insisted.
Then why dont they pick up?
Catherine ran off, and Julia was left pondering.
Really, is it that hard to find a minute to talk to mum? she thought. Their recent calls were all about money. Not a loan, just asking for cash they didnt mind lending.
It was heartbreaking. But Catherine was right: the fledglings had left the nest. They only remembered their parents when they needed something.
She dialled her husband again. No answer. She sent a message that stayed unread.
Oh, Vasily, she sighed. Dont be such a lazybones!
He finally texted that evening: Where are our savings? Salarys gone, nothing to live on! Yet his paycheck had arrived three days earlier.
Still! Julia mused, her eyes on the empty salad bowl shards. A feast on a mountain, wine flowing like a river!
She didnt reply. If hed at least hinted he was worried about her, she might have said something. Instead, she let him sort it out on his own.
Brian answered his phone, then hung up, saying he was busy.
Of course hes busy, Julia muttered.
Catherine was gone at that moment, so Julia heard no retort. She recalled the six months shed lived between two houses after Boriss wife had left him, leaving the children behind. Julia had cared for them, become the mother, the cook, the cleaner, everything until Boris found a new woman. Shed mediated conflicts, trying to balance his childrens needs with her own, receiving no thanks.
I spent a year and a half soothing them, and nothing. And now hes busy.
When Julia called him that night, only a few clicks and a dead line answered.
Thanks for the black list, brother! she whispered. He, too, knew about the operation. When he asked to take the kids for a month, Julia finally refused, citing the surgery.
Natalie gave Julia only five minutes of her time, not even asking about her health:
When will you be back on your feet? My husbands side is sending about ten relatives; well need to house them in a hotel, but well also need to feed them at home, big time! Youre our only hope!
I dont know, Nat, Julia answered. The operations serious. Two or three weeks in hospital, then a long recovery. Doctors say up to fifty days.
No, no, sister! Thats not how it works! You need to be back in three weeks, sharp as a tack! This is my husbands family! Theyre more important than anyone else!
Nat, Im scared, Julia admitted.
Stop being dramatic! Chirpchirp, off you go! Ive got to run! Natalie snapped. It hurt, the chirpchirp and off you go she used.
Does it matter if the operation is routine? Complications can happen! Who knows whatll happen! Julia said, staring at her phone. I need a proper cook! Im almost fifty and still cant pull a decent roast!
Natalie kept calling on her younger sister to cater her guestscolleagues, her husbands friends, any celebration that popped up. Julia hadnt stepped away from the stove for days, yet never once was she invited to sit at the table.
What? Natalie fumed. Its a strangers crowd!
Her effort to feed that crowd wasnt even recognised.
The operation went smoothly, but the doctors kept her two more weeks. Julia didnt call anyone; she waited for someone to remember her, but nobody didno husband, no children, no brother, no sister.
She thought a lot, until a decisive moment arrived.
Julia, what nonsense are you spouting? Brian shouted. Did they take your brain out with the uterus?
You remembered! Julia laughed, a sudden spark in her eyes. I thought no one would ever recall me!
She rose again to the head of the table.
Listen up, my dear relatives! Ive spent two weeks in hospital, and not a single soul cared to ask how Im doing!
Not a single brother, whose children adore him more than their new mother. Not a sister, whos used me my whole life as a freerange cook. Not a husband, who managed to lose both his salary and our savings meant for the cottage. Not my children, whom I gave everything, and who never called.
A hushed outrage lingered over the polished surface.
All my life I was ready to do anything for you. And the one moment I needed even a simple gesture of concern, you were nowhere!
I decided that if I could survive this alone, I could survive anything. I wont be anyones errandrunner any longer.
She turned to each of them in turn.
Vasily, divorce, no more talks! Get out of my flat!
Children, go on living your lives! If you need help, turn to dad! Hes your mothers loss!
And you, Brian and Natalie, Im done with you! Hire nannies and cooks elsewhere! Enough!
Are you mad? How can you say that? relatives shouted.
All rise! Julia commanded. Form a line! And all of you, to the pits of my life! I finally want to live for myself, not for you!
Boom!
Alone in the flat, Julia sat at the now empty table, looking at the broken pieces of the salad bowl.
I let my emotions run wild, she whispered, picking up a fragment. And Ill start a new life with a brandnew bowl.
