Just wait a little longer
Jane had seen it all. Of course she knewshe wasnt in her twenties, not even in her thirties any more.
She was weary of bearing the load alone, of dragging that heavy cart of loneliness behind her.
Lord, why is it always this way? Whats wrong with me? Am I a bore? Do I stink, or am I too clingy? Or perhaps I give no love or tenderness at all. Whats the matter? she wondered.
Everyone, all those ragged, stout, thin, drinking, handsome, plain folkthey all seemed to have a private life of their own. Everyone and she had none.
What was she doing wrong? Why was she solitary?
Listen, Janedont laugh, but my gran used to speak of a thing I cant quite name a crown of spinsterhood, whispered Lucy, who sat across the tea table.
No, nonsense, Jane waved her hand. Do you think were living in the Middle Ages?
Dont you doubt it? Lucy leapt from her chair. Even my thirdcousin once managed to take that crown off, the old crone did.
What crone? Jane asked, not out of curiosity but merely to keep the conversation moving.
Anyway, Ill ring Nora nowshes the sister who helped lift that crown. Ill find out everything from her.
After ten minutes Lucy scribbled something on a napkin, her tongue flickering at the edge.
Right, thanks, Nora. How are you? Planning another wedding? What? What about Gene? Ah, shes been sent away. Fine Ill be there, of course. She hung up, fell silent a moment.
Whats happened? Jane asked.
Nothing well, actually, yesanother wedding gift to buy. My sisters getting married again the fifth time. That old crone must have taken the crown off her hard. Heres the address. Will you go?
Jane shrugged. She eventually set off, but the crone, after twisting a few words, sent her back emptyhanded.
You dont have any crown at all, the crone declared.
Of course I do
What? Youve been picking the wrong men, havent you? First fellow was a scoundrel who left a child at your doorstep, promised you the world while already married.
And you didnt know? Thought something was wrong with you? Its all the samehe was a rogue, left you in the briars nothing, hes gone now.
What?
You need not know, he wasnt your man.
The second wasnt yours either? Jane smirked.
The third wasnt either, the crone confirmed.
What third? I have no one
There will be none
And when will mine appear? Will she ever come?
Shell appear when you least expect it. Shell be yours, though not wholly yours. A girl cant change that, but trust himhes steady, and with him youll find the happiness youve been seeking. You may even win him entirely just wait, dont rush.
Now go and tell your friend she should see a doctor, give her these herbs, have her visit a womans physician. Tell her the crone sent you to say enough of meddling.
That conversation took place many years ago. Desperate to find her own happiness, Jane once travelled to the cronewho was also a folk healer.
Everything turned out just as the crone had said. She met the third man, and the crones words faded entirely.
He was a good sort, kind to his own daughter and to Jane, yet something would always happen that made him drift off, thoughtful, then vanish without explanation. Then Jane met George.
At first she didnt recognise him; he was just the neighbour in the flat that had stood empty for years. When Jane moved in with her daughter, the buildings longtime resident, Aunt Kate, told her the landlord kept coming and going on watchshifts, staying with his mother.
One day, curious as any woman, Jane peeked through the slightly ajar door of the flat next door and found a man wallpapering the walls.
She slipped away quietly, thinking the owner must have returned. He did returnagain and again.
Their first clash was in the hallway a week later. The flats doors were absurdly designed: if one opened, the other refused to budge unless the first was shut again. Jane rushed to work, tried to open her door and couldnt. Her neighbour apologised swiftly, closed his flat, and Jane heard light, quick footsteps behind her. A second time she blocked his exit, then later they met on the landing, and the neighbour let Jane be the first to open the door.
One afternoon George helped a friend lift a bicycle, and Jane baked some scones and took them to him. Later, in the park, Georges sonabout the same age as the neighbours daughterjoined them, and the children quickly became friends, whirling on the swings while Jane and George chatted merrily.
Half a year later he asked her out, then introduced her to his family. They began living together, but before that George told his story.
Jane, Im not a twentyyearold lad nor a brute; Im a manan adult with my own opinions and temperament. I promise you, if youll live with me, I wont cheat, Ill do the work thats a mans, Ill help, I can earn a living, you know I dont drink or smoke. No bad habits. Ill respect you, cherish you Jane forgive me, I cannot love you as I ought, I have tried. Im not a stone, of course I feel for you, but not the kind of feeling youd hope for I cant give you what you need. Do you need someone like that? My wife used to call me a wretched creature
He went on, explaining how in his youth he had fallen for a girl, feeling warm when she was near, but it never grew. She saw him merely as a friend, and no matter how many women he courtedsome prettier, some smarternone felt right. Jane, pressing, asked, Should I have talked to her?
He sighed, I tried to explain, laid it out plainlyI love you more than life itself. I didnt whine, just asked her to listen. Shed just separated from her husband then, and she told me gently shed always treated me like a brother. I tried to convince her it didnt matter whether she loved me; I loved her anyway.
She was silent, then asked why he had left Inna.
I told her honestly I didnt love her.
And then? she shrugged, Shes beautiful, smart, livelywhats the harm? She loves you, right?
He realised then that shed shown him, with a light tap, that she didnt love him. He could not live with someone who didnt love him, yet he forced himself to stay.
He married eventually.
No, Jane, I didnt wander like a mummy or a zombie; I lived, laughed, like everyone else. But when I think of the woman I truly love, love feels like a curse rather than a gift. I feel as if I were a wounded soldier unable to give a woman happiness. Women listen with their ears, dont be offended I cant lie.
He concluded, I just want you to decide, can you live without bright emotions? My wife couldnt. Think on it, dont answer now.
Jane thought, then a week later she met his large family. They were jovial, bright, welcomed Jane and her daughter warmly. She feared they might treat her as a substitute for the beloved, or with pity, but everything went smoothly.
She never regretted marrying George. He was reliable; he solved her troubles at once. Jane tried not to dwell on passion, and their life together was good. Only occasionallyperhaps once or twice a yearshe caught a wandering glance from her husband, as if his mind drifted back to someone else. It never disturbed their marriage.
Again, that fleeting look came. Did it hurt Jane? She placed her hand on her heart and thought, Which woman hasnt dreamed that her husband might change for her? I married not out of a great love, but grew to love him. Hes the perfect husband, after all.
Yet that hazy glance lingered, a reminder of something she didnt cherish.
One spring morning, as Jane washed the windows and the sun beat down on the sill, George entered the room and admired her. He felt free, truly free, as if he had finally met his beloved and was simply happy. Then, suddenly, he turned to Jane.
Whats the matter, George? Something happen? she asked.
Yes, he replied, careful, come here, sit down on the windowsill and spin around a bit. He lifted her gently, twirled her across the room, laughing.
Its all good, Jane. You have no idea how wonderful everything feels now, he said, planting a kiss on her cheek. He had only just realised how deeply he loved his wife, how precious she was to him.
Jane thought, The old crone didnt lie. She told me to wait.
Good morning, dear ones. May your love, if it has yet to arrive, flutter in through your window. And if its already there, cherish it. I send you warm embraces, a splash of kindness and optimism.
