Hey love, Ive got to tell you whats been happening with Emily lately its been a right rollercoaster.
She was standing in the head nurses office, fists clenched, cheeks burning and a lump stuck in her throat. Emily, you do realize weve gotten three complaints about you this month? You cant keep working like this! her boss, Susan, snapped.
Emily tried to defend herself. Im doing everything by the book, Susan. That Karen is nitpicking every little thing. Shes got a sour attitude and never seems happy with anyone.
Susan reminded her, Regardless of her temperament, you must speak to patients respectfully. Youre a nurse, not?
Emily cut her off, sharper than she meant to. Not what? A doormat that has to put up with rudeness?
Susan sighed, pushed her glasses up and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Emily, I know youve been through a tough spell. Divorces are never easy, but you still have a job. Why dont you take some time off? Rest a bit, otherwise I dont know how much longer I can stand up for you.
Emily left the office, tears barely held back. A halfyear had passed since James walked out, and the wound still felt raw. Every day was a test work, an empty flat that echoed with her own footsteps, the silence that seemed louder than any argument.
In the staff break room Lucy waited for her, the only colleague Emily could really open up to. So, whats the latest? Lucy asked, halfsympathetic.
The manager suggested I take a holiday. She says Im on the brink of a breakdown, Emily replied.
Maybe its worth it? Get away for a bit, clear your head, Lucy suggested.
Emily shook her head. What would I even go for? James only pays a few pennies in maintenance money, and his mum has been feeding me paperwork saying his income is tiny and the flat is in her name.
Lucy let out a sigh. I told you not to sign those papers, you know.
I thought we were a family. I never imagined he could be so callous, Emily muttered, pouring tea from her thermos into a chipped mug. Her hands trembled. She was exhausted from the job, from the constant thoughts, from that endless ache in her chest.
Emily, have I really changed? Am I getting angry for no reason? she asked, voice cracking.
Lucy put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Youre just protecting yourself. After twenty years with someone, its natural to feel bitter when he leaves for a younger woman with no kids. Who wouldnt?
I dont want to be angry, Emily burst, tears streaming down her cheeks. I just want a normal life, without this constant pain.
That evening she walked home on foot to save on the bus fare. October was cold and drizzly, wet leaves stuck to her shoes, and the wind slipped under her coat collar. She kept her eyes on the pavement, lost in thought.
When James left, she couldnt believe it at first it felt like a nightmare youd wake up from and find everything back to normal. Hed come home, hang his coat by the door, ask what was for dinner, and theyd share the days stories. That ordinary life never returned.
Instead, his mother Margaret showed up with a stack of papers and a frosty expression. She claimed James needed space, that Emily had suffocated him with her care, that there was no love left in the marriage. Emily listened, barely recognizing the woman shed once called Mum.
The flat is in my name now, thats my property, Margaret said, tapping the table. But Im not evicting you. Stay until you can sort yourself out.
Emily whispered, Ive lived here for twenty years. James and I renovated it, bought the furniture
Bought it with my money, Margaret cut in. Dont forget, James is my son and Ill always stand by him.
Silently, Emily packed what she could and moved into a tiny, dim council flat on the outskirts, sharing a kitchen that smelled of cats with a neighbour who was an alcoholic. It was cramped, but at least it was hers no one could tell her she didnt belong.
One day, as she approached her building, a familiar black sedan the one James had bought six months ago was parked outside. Her heart lurched. He was still around, and she wondered why.
She climbed the stairs and heard voices on the landing. James and Margaret were standing there, Margaret gesturing wildly, James nodding. Emily! James shouted as soon as he saw her. Finally! Weve been waiting an hour.
She fumbled for her keys, ready to open the door, but Margaret stepped in front of her. Hold on, we need to talk first.
There’s nothing to talk about, Emily tried to keep her tone steady, though she was shaking inside. Just let us in, please.
Emily, dont be like that, James pleaded, looking older, bags under his eyes, cheeks hollow. We came to make up.
Emily froze. Make up? After six months of silence, after all the humiliation, after your mother threw me out of my own home?
Make up? she echoed slowly.
Yes, James finally realised his mistake, Margaret said in a syrupy voice. That girl he ran off with turned out to be after his money. Hes remorseful, wants to come back.
Come back, Emily repeated, as if hearing it for the first time.
James nodded, extending his hand, but Emily stepped back. Lets go inside and have a proper chat. Ill explain everything.
What could you possibly explain? Emilys anger flared. How you left in the night saying you loved someone else? How your mother forced me out of the flat I poured my heart into?
Emily, dont start, Margaret snapped. Were here with good intentions.
Good intentions? Emily laughed, a bitter laugh that startled even herself. Youre only here because your son is alone, because the girl he chased turned out to be smarter than me. And now you expect me to take him back?
James tried to interject, but Emily cut him off. Six months ago you told me I was smothering you, that there was no love left, that you needed space. You were right.
She continued, I spent thirtyfive years ironing your shirts, cooking your favourite meals, putting up with your mothers meddling. I gave up my career because you wanted a housewife. I never had children because it just didnt happen, and I endured your mothers constant criticism.
James went pale. I never said those things, he whispered.
You didnt say them, but you stayed silent while your mother belittled me. You were silent while I cried, Emily said, eyes locked on Margarets.
Margaret sighed dramatically. Enough, Emily. James is apologising, hes learned his lesson. Isnt that enough?
Its not enough, Emily replied, meeting the mothers gaze. These past six months have taught me something: for the first time in twenty years Im living for myself. Yes, its hard. Yes, Im in a council flat and moneys tight. But this is my life now, and no one can tell me its wrong.
James tried to suggest staying. Maybe we should all go in? Its awkward with the neighbours
The neighbours are my neighbours now, Emily said with a smile. And they treat me better than you and your mother ever did.
Margaret snapped, I was like a mother to you!
A mother doesnt kick you out of the roof over your head, Emily replied calmly. A mother doesnt take away the home of a woman who cared for her son for twenty years.
The flat is legally mine, Margaret insisted.
Legally, yes. Morally, no, Emily answered.
Youre right, the law is the law. So Im not asking for the flat, the money, or an apology. I just want you both to leave and never show up again.
James grabbed her wrist. Please, Emily, Im sorry. I was a fool. That Christine
It doesnt matter who she was or why you left, Emily said, pulling her hand free. I really dont care, James. Im done.
She turned the key, her hands steady now, a strange calm settling over her. Youre right, Margaret, men like my James are hard to find. Thats why Im not looking for any more.
Margaret shouted, Youll regret this! At fortythree youre too old to be alone!
Emily shrugged. Better alone than with someone who never valued me.
She opened the door and stepped out, glanced back at the two of them Margaret with her pricey coat and perfect makeup, James looking like a guilty schoolboy. Good luck finding another one, Emily said softly, and closed the door behind her.
She leaned against it, closed her eyes, and let the muffled voices drift away. The lift chattered, the hallway creaked, and she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.
Her phone buzzed a text from Lucy. Hows it going? Handled Karen?
Emily smiled as she typed back, Handled her. And the rest of it too.
She walked over to the window, city lights flickering outside. London was alive, cars humming, people hurrying about. She was part of that pulse now no longer anyones wife or daughterinlaw, just Emily.
The next morning, sunlight streamed through the thin curtains. She wondered if yesterday had been a dream, but no James and his mother had really stood at her door, pleading for reconciliation, and shed turned them away.
Emily did a quick morning stretch, reminded herself shed been looking after herself for the past six months: early jogs, a yoga class at the community centre, not to impress anyone, just because she finally had the time.
At work, Lucy noticed a glow. Youre radiant, she said. Whats happened?
James showed up with his mum, trying to make up, Emily explained. I sent them away, politely but firmly.
Lucy grinned, gave her a hug. Proud of you, love.
Emily thought aloud, I spent twenty years living in his shadow, his mothers shadow, his choices. I forgot who Emily is, what she wants.
What do you want now? Lucy asked.
Im not sure yet, but I definitely dont want to go back to what was, Emily admitted. It feels like breaking out of a cage scary at first, then you realise you can actually fly.
Beautifully said, Lucy smiled. If he ever comes back?
He wont. He expected me to swoon and thank him for showing up. Hes clueless when you dont play his game.
Later, Emily walked into Susans office. Susan, about that holiday can I take a week? Maybe go up to my sisters in the countryside?
Susan replied, Of course, Emily. Wheres she?
Grace lives in a little village about three hundred miles north, near York. Its been ages since Ive seen her.
Grace greeted her with a hug at the station. Emily, darling, youre here! Come in, come in!
The cottage was modest but cosy, the smell of apple crumb cake filling the air, a ginger tabby purring on the rug, geraniums on the windowsill.
You look thinner, Grace noted, pouring tea. And a bit paler.
Emily laughed, Just been through a lot.
Graces blunt humour came through. That James was never right for you. Hes a muppet, a mothersucker.
Emily smiled, Exactly. He and his mum tried to make up yesterday. I sent them packing.
Grace nodded approvingly. Good. Now you can live for yourself. Youre still young, beautiful. Lifes ahead of you.
Emily, now fortythree, replied, At fortythree does life end?
Grace chuckled, Never! My neighbours fiftyeight got married last year to a lovely widower. Still going strong.
Emily spent ten days with Grace, wandering the woods, picking mushrooms, helping out on the small farm. Grace never pried about the past, just kept her company.
One evening on the porch, sipping honeysweet tea as the sun turned the sky pink, Grace asked, Ever thought of moving here permanently?
Emily hesitated, What would I give up? The council flat, the job where Im barely valued, the city where I might run into James?
Grace smiled, Youd gain peace, space, a chance to work at the local health centre. Pays less, but no more nerves.
Emily mulled it over, the thought of a quiet life settling in her mind.
Back in London, the grey sky and bustling streets greeted her. The council flat smelled of damp and a neighbours complaints. Work was the same Karen still nagging, Susan sighing. Lucy noticed Emilys distant look at lunch.
Whats on your mind? Lucy asked.
Grace suggested I move out here, Emily said. It feels like running away, but maybe I need a fresh start.
Lucy gave a supportive nod. Whatever you decide, Ill be there for you. Just think it through.
One evening, Emily turned the corner after a shift and saw James standing by a shop window, arm around a young woman not the one hed left her for, but someone new. They laughed, oblivious to her stare. He caught her eye, looked briefly flustered, but kept walking without a word.
Emily stood there, then burst out laughing not out of spite, but because the absurdity finally hit her. She didnt need his drama any more.
The next day she handed in her resignation.
Lucy looked shocked. Seriously?
Absolutely. Im heading to Graces. Starting anew.
Lucy hugged her. Ill miss you. Promise youll call?
Promise.
Packing took a week two suitcases and a tote. She realized she owned very little. On the bus out of the city, she watched familiar landmarks fade, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement.
At the bus station, Grace was waiting. All set for good?
All set, Emily said, finally smiling without bitterness.
Life in the village wasnt easy, but Emily never regretted the choice. She got a job at the district clinic, rented a small cosy house near Graces, and evenings were spent on the porch with tea, chatting about everything and nothing.
Sometimes she thought back to the day shed shut the door on James and his mother. She remembered the tremor in her hands, the fear of being alone. Now she understood that moment was the start of her real life a life where she finally became the main character.
Take care, love. Catch up soon.
