I remember Stephen packing his things with a proud air, walking away from the woman he had shared fifteen years with. Margaret, his wife, begged him, Stephen, dont go. She stared at him with tearfilled eyes, hoping it was a jest, that he would never really leave.
Stephen, she pleaded again, dont go! We still have to raise the children. For their sake, stay!
The children will understand, he replied, his tone now that of a nearexhusband. Dont tie me down with them! Theyre thirteen now; theyve grown up.
How can they be grown? At that age they still need their father! Margaret sobbed, trying to clutch his sleeve, but he brushed her hand away.
Dont use the kids as a leash! Dont ruin my life! he snapped, thinking only of the bright future he imagined with a new, younger wife, not of the children or the wreckage he was leaving behind.
With his suitcase in hand, he turned and left. Margaret collapsed onto the hallway floor, a river of tears streaming down her cheeks.
When Tom and Rose returned from school later that afternoon, Margaret was still on the floor. She no longer wept; she stared blankly ahead. She rose, wiped her face, and whispered to the children, Dad has gone forever.
Dont cry, mum, Rose soothed. Well manage without him.
Exactly! Well get on, and Ill help, Tom added, trying to bolster his mother.
Margaret clung to her children, murmuring, Youre both so kind. Im grateful youre here. Well pull through, everything will be alright They did pull through, though not instantly. Margaret spent many sleepless nights weeping when the house was quiet, mourning Stephen in a way that grew fainter as time went on.
While Margarets sorrow slowly eased, Stephens life with Claire was a mixed blessing. The romance was lively, but the daytoday was unbearable. Claire could do nothing around the house, and when she could, she refused. Stephen began to compare her to Margaret, using his former wife as a benchmark for how things ought to be. Claire, weary of the comparison, cast him out, sending him back to Margarets doorstep.
A year later Stephen appeared on the porch, eyes downcast, dishevelled and unkempt. He begged Margaret and the children for forgiveness, saying, I love you; I cant live without you. If you wont take me back, Ill never survive. The guilt will be yours. Margaret felt a flicker of relief, thinking she loved them more than the young divorcee. She voiced her grievances for proprietys sake, yet accepted him. The children, however, received him without much enthusiasm; youthful pride kept them from fully forgiving their father, and they simply ignored his overtures.
Margarets spirits lifted at his return. So Im better after all, she thought, swelling with pride. Stephen, pleased that Margaret had taken him back, convinced himself she still loved him. It seemed, for a moment, that everything was falling back into place.
Yet Claire, still simmering with resentment, could not bear the thought that Stephen was thriving without her. Determined to rekindle their affair, she coaxed him once more, and Stephen, unable to resist, slipped away again.
This time he left not with the same swagger as before, but quietly on a Saturday, the familys day off, when the children were at school. He muttered a brief Sorry, I was wrong and walked out. Margaret, this time, did not sob or plead; she pretended to watch the television, feeling utterly defeated. She was not in the throes of despair as before, only angry at herself for having yielded to weakness, for having taken him back. She clung to any shred of dignity she could muster, and only when the door slammed shut behind him did she finally let the tears flow.
By the time Tom and Rose arrived home, Margaret had composed herself. When she told them of their fathers departure, the children even smiled.
Well, theres no use crying over spilled milk, Tom replied. Well live just fine without him. In fact, it might be better.
Stephen returned to Claire with the air of a king, as if being summoned proved her love. He behaved as though the whole world revolved around him, believing he was needed by everyoneby his new wife and his former one alike. Yet this grandstanding lasted only a month before Claire, exhausted by his arrogance, sent him packing once more.
Again Stephen stood on Margarets doorstep, eyes lowered, convinced that forgiveness would come as easily as last time. But this time Margaret would not even let him cross the threshold.
You were right then, she said calmly. Our reunion was a mistake. Some wounds cant be healed; they must be cut away. Dont come back.
Stephen could not fathom being unwanted. He dismissed his young wife as a fickle wind, but the childrenhis own flesh and bloodstill mattered. Yet the realization that his former wife no longer needed him hit him harder than any betrayal he had imagined. In the end, he was left to wonder what truly mattered to the women in his life, and whether any apology could ever bridge the chasm he had created.
