18April2025 Diary,
I never thought Id be the one penning these words, but after yesterdays horrors I feel compelled to record what happened with Emma Spencer and me.
Emma, my wife, has been a storm in our household for the past two years. We tried to build a life together in a flat over Kilburn, but things have fallen apart. She keeps begging me, Mark, please let me go we tried to build a family and it never worked. Why keep hurting each other? Lets just divorce. I snapped back, Now? Youre dreaming, love. I wont let you. Youre my wife, Im your husband, were a family. Is something wrong with you? Have you fallen out of love? Do you have someone else? Answer when I ask!
Emma sat on the edge of the sofa, fidgeting with the corner of a blanket. After yet another argument she wanted to vanish, to disappear from my life forever. Divorce was a thought, but she lacked the resolve to file. Two years of marriage now feel like a nightmare, especially the last six months. Ive become a tyrant of the house, finding fresh reasons to pick apart everything she does.
This morning began with a harmless incident. Emma ordered a new facial cream online.
Again spending money on nonsense? I barked when she walked through the front door with the parcel.
She tried to explain, but I didnt listen.
Do you ever think about us? Or only about yourself, dear? That cream? Youd be better off spending it on something useful like helping my parents.
Mark, why jump straight to that? I work, I have my own money. I always help your parents, you know that.
What are you doing? Sending them pennies! They need real help, you understand? Youre selfish, Emma. You spend almost everything you earn on face lotions and rags!
My voice rose, my eyes flashed. Emma burst into tears. I slammed the door, leaving her alone with her sobs and a crushing sense of helplessness. Thats how I always act drive someone to the edge and then walk away.
Emma remembered how it all began. I once seemed perfect attentive, caring, loving. Over time something changed, or perhaps she never saw the real me.
In the evening I returned from work. Emma was in the kitchen sipping tea.
Why are you crying again? I asked without looking up.
No you just hurt me, she whispered.
I hurt you? Youre to blame. Think about what you do.
What am I doing wrong? she asked quietly.
Everything! You never try. I work all day, get exhausted, and you? Half the day youre fiddling on a keyboard, the other half you sit at home!
I work too, and not less than you, she retorted, instantly regretting it.
Whats your job? You earn peanuts! Im the one providing for the family. You should be grateful, Emma. Ive never heard a thank you from you, even though I deserve it!
I appreciate you, Mark but that doesnt give you licence to speak to me like that.
How am I supposed to talk to you? Youre always dissatisfied, always crying! You make me look like a monster.
The thing is, youre constantly unhappy. Im scared to say a word, to buy anything, even to rest in the afternoon. If you find out Ive taken a nap, youll start shouting. My nerves arent steel; I cant control myself any longer
Stop whining! You love to play the victim. It makes me sick.
My voice dripped with disgust, and Emma winced in pain.
I dont understand whats happening, she whispered. Why are you like this?
Just behave, dont piss me off and everything will be fine.
I saw no warmth left in her eyes, only irritation.
Maybe we should see a counsellor? she suggested.
A counsellor? You need one, love. Youre the one who makes up problems out of thin air. I cut her off.
Those words set Emmas mind racing. She grabbed her old notebook and began mapping an escape plan.
The next day she left the house earlier than usual, walked to a café in Camden, ordered a coffee, and opened her notebook.
Step one: find a parttime job. Need more cash than now. Step two: rent a small flat or a room. Step three: pack my things. Step four she wrote.
A familiar voice called, Emma?
She looked up to see her former schoolmate Sophie Clarke.
Emma! Fancy seeing you here! Sophie grinned. Its been ages what are you up to? Working here?
No, just stopping for a think, Emma replied evasively.
Whats wrong? You look off. Are you ill?
Sophies supportive tone was something Emma hadnt heard in years. She broke down.
Mark is tearing me apart, constantly criticizing and humiliating me. I cant take it any longer. Im scared hell turn violent during another fight, Emma confessed.
Sophie listened without interruption.
I want to leave him, Sophie. Im terrified, I dont know where to start. How will I survive?
Run, Emma! I wont let you be alone. Come stay with me for a while. Do you remember my address? And there are free counselling services for women abused by partners, run by the council and the NHS, Sophie replied.
Really?
Absolutely. Youre strong, youll get through this.
After work they met again, and Emma felt a flicker of hope.
That evening Mark was waiting, perched in his armchair, eyes glued to the telly.
Where have you been? he asked without turning.
Out, she replied.
Youve been out a lot lately. Got a lover?
Cold dread washed over Emma.
What are you talking about? she snapped.
Nothing. I wouldnt be surprised if you were cheating. Youre getting frisky.
Mark, enough, she said wearily. I dont want to hear this any more.
What do you want to hear? Compliments? Youll have to make do.
Emma took a deep breath, steadied herself.
Mark, we need to talk.
About what? My infidelities?
No, about us. About our marriage.
And what do you have to say?
I want a divorce.
Marks eyes widened.
What did you just say?
I said I want a divorce. I cant live like this. You constantly demean me, criticize me. Im miserable.
Youre mad! Divorce? Who will you be without me? No one! You should be grateful Im still with you.
I owe no one anything. I want to be happy.
Happy? You think youll be happy without me? Youre wrong. Youre useless. Do you understand?
Emma stayed silent. She no longer wanted to argue; she had made her decision.
Im leaving tomorrow, she said calmly.
Where will you go? Youre broke!
Its none of your business. Ill manage.
I wont let you go! Ill find you, make you regret ever being born! I gave you everything, I raised you, and you
Emma turned and walked to the bedroom to gather her things.
Mark spent the night on the couch. Emma lay awake, staring at the ceiling, thoughts spiralling. She feared the future, feared loneliness, feared never finding happiness again. Most of all she feared staying with Mark.
At dawn she rose, washed, dressed, and went to the kitchen. Mark was already at the table, coffee in hand.
You wont go anywhere, he warned. Dont even think of running while Im at work!
Ive already decided, Emma replied.
You wont get away!
Enough, Mark
Dont you get what Im saying!
Mark rose and approached her. Fear clenched Emmas gut.
Dont come near me, she pleaded. Mark, step back!
He shoved her against the wall. Her head struck the plaster and she fell to the floor. His fist came down. Emma shut her eyes, bracing for the worst.
Neighbourhood residents, hearing her shrieks early that morning, called the police. Officers arrived, dragged Mark away, and rushed Emma to StThomas Hospital. After a brief stay she was discharged and, without delay, filed for divorce. Our marriage crumbled into ash.
Looking back, I realise that I allowed pride and control to drown any kindness I might have had. I forced a woman I loved into a nightmare and refused to see the damage until it was too late. The lesson I take from this is that domination masquerading as love only breeds ruin, and that true strength lies in compassion, not in the illusion of power.
