He chose his job over me
You you I cant believe what Im hearing! It just doesnt sink in! Your damned work, those urgent calls, endless trips! Emma slammed her mug off the table, and it smashed into the wall, splattering cold coffee everywhere. The shards fell like confetti.
Stop overreacting, love, youre acting like a child! Sam kept his voice low, which made it even more infuriating. Inside she was boiling, while he stood as still as a statue. I cant cancel this assignment, you have to understand. Its tied to my promotion.
Promotion?! she choked on her anger. Your promotion always comes before us! Remember you missed Lilys graduation, didnt even ring me on my anniversary after I reminded you a week ahead! And now this! Mikes operation is in two days, and youre being sent off to Manchester!
To London, Sam blurted out, then immediately bit his tongue.
To the moon if you like! Emma flailed her arms like a windmill. You wont be there when our son gets put under anaesthetic! When hes terrified, when Im shaking against the walls! All because of some pointless piece of paper with your signature!
Sam let out a sigh, ran a hand over his face. Dark circles under his eyes, a bit scruffy, but that stubborn look was still there.
Its a ridiculous contract Its a chance to become finance director, you know? Ive been working towards this for what twenty years, at least, basically my whole life. And Mikes operation is routine, why are you getting so worked up? Its just tonsils, not a brain tumour.
Right, right! What if something goes wrong? What if complications arise? Emma dug her nails into her palms. What then, huh?
Nothing will happen, he waved it off. Ive spoken to the doctor personally.
And if it does? she pressed on, her voice rising.
Then youll sit down! he shrugged his shoulders. If anything happens Ill hop on the first flight back. Remember when Lily needed an appendicectomy? You came eight hours later, after everyone else had gone home, just as the surgeon was pulling the final suture!
Exactly! she snapped, a grin of venom on her face. You showed up when the drama was over!
Sam just shook his head.
Im not made of rubber, Emma. I cant just snap in half. Im grinding away so you all have what you need. Forgot how you nagged me about the new flat? Lets move, the neighbours are noisy, the gardens a mess, the tubes far
Better off living in a council flat! she retorted. But with a decent husband and father who actually sees his kids now and then, not just on Sunday afternoons!
Sam collapsed onto a chair, his ninetykilogram self flattening the seat.
Look, we agreed, didnt we? You at home with the kids, the house, the comfort. Im at work, pulling my weight, bringing the money home. What changed? When did this become a problem?
Emma opened her mouth to fire back, but the front door burst open and the hallway filled with the clatter of backpacks and childrens voices.
Well talk later, she muttered, slipping out of the kitchen with a forced smile that made her cheeks tighten.
Sam opened his laptop. He had to finish a presentation by evening, but his head was a foggy mess, no useful thoughts.
That night, after the kids were finally asleep, Emma sat at the kitchen table scrolling aimlessly on her phone. She wasnt crying any more; she just felt numb inside. Twentytwo years of marriage, and every year it felt more like a spreadsheet: income, expenses, assets, liabilities. When did things get this tangled?
Sam slipped into the kitchen and sat opposite her.
Want a coffee? Emma asked without looking up.
Sure, he replied. Emma, we need to talk.
About what? she clicked the kettle on. Everythings pretty clear. Youre flying out the day after tomorrow. Mike and I are going to the hospital alone.
Listen, Sam put his hands on her shoulders gently. I know its hard for you. But this really matters to me.
Matters more than us? Emma turned, and instead of anger she saw fatigue and disappointment in his eyes.
Its all for you, he said quietly. Everything I do is for you.
No, Sam, Emma shook her head. Its all for you. For your ego, for your career. Weve become secondrate.
Thats not true, he tried to argue.
It is. Remember when Mike talked about his operation? He said, Good thing its during dads trip, otherwise hed be worrying about missed work. Hes eleven, already learning to fit his life around your schedule.
Sam stood there, speechless.
And Katie asked yesterday if youd come to her graduation next year. Not because she wants to see you, but because shes scared youll be busy with important things again.
Ill try to make it, Sam mumbled.
Try, Emma echoed. Always try. And you know when I realised youd chosen work over me? When I had a miscarriage. Remember, ten years ago? You flew out two days later, after Id been discharged.
I had a conference in Shanghai, Sam started.
Exactly, Emma nodded. You had a conference. I lost a child and was left alone.
She turned to the coffee grinder, methodically filling it with beans.
You never mentioned that, Sam said softly.
What would that change? Emma shrugged. Youd apologise, promise it wont happen again, and then do the same thing next time.
Sam pressed his fingertips to his nose.
Maybe you should see someone. A therapist.
Of course, Emma laughed. The problems me, right? Not that youve turned into a walking paycheck, but that Im not positive about it?
Thats not what I meant, Sam shook his head. Youre dramatising everything.
Dramatise? Emma snapped, standing up. When was the last time you actually attended a parentteacher meeting? Do you even know who Mickys class teacher is? Or what Katies dissertation is about?
Sam stayed silent.
See, thats what I mean, Emma placed a fresh cup of coffee in front of him and sat down. Youve been missing our life, Sam. And you keep missing it.
Sam took a sip, grimacing at how strong it wasjust like every time Emma was upset.
I could take a summer leave, he offered. We could go somewhere as a family.
Katies off to Brighton with friends, Emma reminded. And Mikes signed up for a football camp.
You could have warned me before you started planning! for the first time that evening Sams voice held a hint of irritation.
I did. Twice. You said Alright, well plan and see what happens. We planned.
Sam rubbed his eyes.
Sorry, I dont remember.
You know whats scarier? Emma looked over his shoulder. Realising its actually easier without you. When youre home I keep hoping youll be there in spirit, not just in paycheck, and Im always let down.
What do you want from me? Sam asked. To quit the promotion? To quit my job?
I want our kids to have a dad, not just a provider. I want a husband, not a flatshare roommate who only stays over occasionally.
I cant drop my career at fifty, Sam said firmly. Its too late to start over.
No ones asking you to quit. Just find a balance.
Im trying! his voice rose, then fell when he thought of the sleeping children. I really am, Emma. But you have to understand my role
Your role, your salary, your responsibilities Emma cut in. I know that song by heart. But the kids are growing, and youre not seeing them. Neither am I.
Thats unfair, Sam shook his head. I always try to spend weekends with the family.
When you didnt have an emergency, Emma clarified. That happened maybe once a month.
They fell silent. Outside, traffic hummed, the flat only filled with the ticking clock and the fridges soft whirr.
I cant cancel the trip, Sam finally said. But Ill ask to push it a day later so I can take Mike to the hospital.
Youve already bought the tickets, Emma reminded.
Ill change them, he said decisively. And Ill call every hour until they tell me the operation went well.
Emma gave a halfsmile.
Think thatll fix everything?
No, Sam answered honestly. But its a start. I dont want to lose you, Emma. I really dont.
The thing is, youre already almost lost, she said softly. And I dont know if we can fix it.
The hospital corridor buzzed with voices and the clatter of shoes. Emma sat on a hard chair outside the operating theatre, nervously fiddling with her bag strap. Mike had been inside for over an hour, though the surgeon promised it would be under forty minutes.
Next to her, Katie stared at her phone, but Emma caught the occasional worried glance at the theatre doors.
Wheres dad? Katie asked, not looking away from her screen.
Hes on a business trip, remember?
Yeah, but he promised to call.
Emma glanced at her watch.
He must be in a meeting, probably forgot.
Typical, Katie murmured.
Emma wanted to answer, but just then the doors opened and a surgeon in a green mask slipped his chin out.
All went well, he said, smiling. The boys in recovery, should be moved to a ward soon. You can visit in an hour.
Thank you, doctor, Emma felt a wave of relief and tears well up.
Katie squeezed her mothers hand tightly.
We should call dad, she said.
Right, Emma grabbed her phone, hit voicemail. Hes not picking up. Lets text him.
She typed quickly: Operation went fine. Mikes in recovery, doctor says hes okay.
No reply came in the next five minutes, nor in half an hour as they sat in the staff kitchen sipping tea with biscuits.
Mum, are you and dad getting a divorce? Katie suddenly asked, looking at her cup.
Where did that come from?
Youre always fighting, like you think we dont hear, Katie shrugged. And dads never home. Youre always sad when he leaves.
Emma stared at her daughter. When had Katie become so observant?
Were going through a rough patch, Emma said gently. It doesnt mean we dont love each other.
My friend Lucy said the same, then her parents split, Katie replied.
Emma didnt know how to answer, so she asked:
How do you feel about that?
I dont know. Its weird. Id be sad if dad left, but hes hardly ever here anyway, so maybe not much would change.
No ones going anywhere, Emma said firmly, though she wasnt so sure deep down.
The phone buzzed a message from Sam: Sorry, was in a meeting. Hows Mike? When can we visit?
Dad wrote? Katie asked, and Emma nodded. What did he say?
He asked about Mike, Emma replied, typing back: We can visit in thirty minutes. Video call?
Sure, came the reply. As soon as Im free.
Emma set the phone down and sighed.
Hes busy, huh? Katie asked.
Hell call back when he can, Emma said. You know him.
I do, Katie said quietly. Mum, remember the trip to Brighton when I was nine and Mike was three?
Of course, Emma smiled. You ate icecream every day and swam until you were blue.
Dad was with us the whole week, Katie continued. We went to the aquarium, took a boat ride, even hiked. Why cant that happen now?
I dont know, love, Emma answered honestly. Things just change.
For the worse, Katie sighed. Dads always busy now.
Emma wanted to argue that Sam loved them and tried, but she couldnt. Katie was right; everything had indeed shifted.
When Emma finally got home, after leaving Katie to watch over her brother, the flat was quiet. She kicked off her shoes, dropped her bag on the nightstand, and wandered to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and sat at the table, staring out the window.
The phone rang and she flinched. Sam? she answered.
Hey, Sams voice sounded tired. Hows Mike?
Hes okay, a slight fever but the doctor says its normal. Katies staying with him.
Good he has a caring sister, Sam said. Yeah, at least someones looking after him.
Yes, at least someone is, Emma agreed. Its a relief.
A pause hung between them.
Emma, you know Id be there if I could, Sam began. But this deal
I get it, Emma cut in. You dont have to explain.
I have to, Sam said firmly. You think I chose work over you, but thats not true.
Then what? Emma asked. Explain.
I Sam hesitated. I dont know how to put it. It just happened. I got used to working so much it became part of who I am. I dont know any other way.
And family?
Youre everything to me, Sam whispered. Somewhere along the line I lost my balance. Ive been giving too much to work, too little to you. I understand that, Emma. I want to fix it.
How? she asked. What are you proposing?
I talked to the board, Sam said. If I get the promotion, Ill be able to delegate more, have more free time.
If, Emma repeated. Always if. What if it doesnt happen?
Then Ill look at changing jobs, or cutting my hours, Sam replied resolutely. Youre right, Emma. Ive missed too much. I dont want to miss any more.
Emma stayed quiet. Shed heard that promise too many times to take it at face value.
I love you, Sam said. I love the kids. I want us to be a family, not just three people living under one roof.
I want that too, Emma answered. I just dont know if its possible.
Lets try, at least, Sam suggested. I promise Ill really try.
Emma looked at a photo on the table: the four of them on a seaside holiday, laughing, beaming. That was five years ago, a different life.
Alright, she said finally. Lets try.
Thanks, Sam exhaled with relief. Ill call Mike before I go to bed. And Ill be there first thing after the signing.
Good, Emma nodded, even though he couldnt see her. Ill tell Mike.
After hanging up, Emma sat at the kitchen longer, staring at the picture. Would they make it? Could Sam actually change, or would everything fall back into the same old rhythmhim at work, her with the kids, endless waiting for a better day?
She didnt know. But for the first time in ages, his voice carried not just fatigue and irritation but a genuine desire to change. Maybe that was enough for a start.
Mike drew a big silver airplane with blue wings and black windows.
Look, thats dads plane, he told his mum, pointing at the picture. Hell fly us home on it.
Lovely, Emma smiled. Hows your throat?
A bit sore, Mike admitted. The doctor said I can have icecream.
Icecream for healing, right? Emma winked. Lets pop down to the café and get some. Just dont tell dad Im spoiling you.
I wont, Mike promised. Will dad really come?
Of course he will, Emma assured. He promised.
You know, Mike said thoughtfully, Im actually glad I had the operation. Now dad will be with us.
Emma stroked his head, feeling a lump rise in her throat.
Yes, love, she said. Dad will be here.
She wasnt sure if Sam would keep his promise. She wasnt sure if their family could return to how it once was. But for the first time in a long while she felt hope.
Maybe people can change after all. Maybe work and family can coexist without pushing each other aside.
Maybe this time hell choose them, not his job.
Mike added a tiny figure to the airplane drawing:
Thats dad, waving at us.
Emma smiled.
Yes, thats dad. Hes coming home.
