Jane knows everything. Of course she doesshes not twenty, not even thirty.
Shes exhausted from being alone, dragging this heavy load.
Lydia, why is it like this? Whats wrong with me? Am I a bore? Do I smell? Am I too clingy? Or maybe I just dont give love and tenderness enough. Whats wrong with me? she wonders.
Everyonetall, short, skinny, stout, drinkers, the beautiful, the plainall have some sort of personal life. Everyone and she has none.
Whats wrong with me? Why am I alone?
Listen, Jane dont laugh, but my gran used to talk about a thing I cant quite name a crown of spinsterhood.
No, thats ridiculous, Jane waves it off. Are we living in the Middle Ages or what?
Dont you believe it? Lydia hops from her chair. My thirdcousins aunt shed that very crown, Gran did.
What gran? Jane asks flatly, just to keep the conversation going.
Anyway, Ill ring Nora nowmy sister, the one who helped take that crown off. Ill find out everything.
Ten minutes later Lydia is scribbling on a napkin, tongue tip catching the edge of her lip.
Alright, thanks, Nora. How are you? Getting married again? I didnt catch that And Greg? Oh, hes gone. Right, Ill be there.
She hangs up, pauses.
What happened?
Nothing actually, yes. I need a wedding present againmy sisters getting married. Fifth time now. Looks like that crown finally fell off. Heres the address. Going?
Jane shrugs.
She sets off, but the old crone that lives on the lane spins her around and sends her back emptyhanded.
No crown for you.
Of course there is I
What? Youve been picking the wrong men? First one fled with a child in his chest, swore to a girl then turned out to be already married.
You didnt know? Thought something was off with you? He was a rogue, left you in the bushes your life untangled itself.
How?
You dont need to knowhe wasnt your man.
The second wasnt either? Jane smirks.
Not yours, the crone confirms, the third neither.
The third? I have no one
There wont be.
So when will mine appear? Will she ever show up?
Shell appear when you least expect it shell be yours, but not entirely. Youre a girl; you cant control everything, but trust him hes reliable, youll find your happiness with him, maybe even have him all to yourself. Just wait, dont rush.
Now go tell your friend she should see a doctor, give her some herbs, have her visit a gynaecologist. Say the old woman asked you to pass that on.
That conversation happened years ago.
Desperate to find her own happiness, Jane drives to the cronewhos a folk healer.
Everything the crone said comes true.
She meets the third man, but the crones words slip from her mind. Hes good, treats her daughter well, yet something always pulls them away, vanishes without a word.
Later Jane meets Harry. At first she doesnt realise hes the one.
The flat next door has been empty for years. When Jane moves in with her daughter, the neighbour, Aunt Katie, mentions the landlord pops round on shifts, stays with his mother.
One day Jane, curious, peeks through the slightly ajar door of the neighbours and sees a man hanging wallpaper. She slips awayobviously the landlord has returned.
The first time they clash is in the hallway a week later. The doors in the building are oddly pairedopen one and the other wont budge until you close the first.
Jane hurries to work, tries to open her door and cant. The neighbour apologises, shuts his flat, and Jane hears quick, light footsteps.
Later she blocks the neighbours exit herself.
They finally meet in the courtyard; the neighbour lets Jane open the door first.
One day Harry helps Claire lift her bike, Jane bakes pastries and brings them over.
They meet again in the park; Harrys son, about Claires age, joins them, the kids dash off on the swings while Jane and Harry chat merrily.
Six months later Harry asks her out on a proper date, then introduces her to his family.
They start living together, but before that Harry tells his story.
Jane Im not a twentyyearold lad, not a simple brute. Im a grown man with my own opinions and temperament. I promise you, if you live with me I wont cheat, Ill do the traditional bloke work, Ill help, I earn a decent wage, I dont drink or smoke. No bad habits. Ill respect you, cherish you Im sorry I cant love you the way I should, Ive tried.
No, Im not a stone. I do feel something for you, just not the kind youd hope for I cant give you what you need.
Do you need me? he asks, bitterly recalling his exwifes nickname for him.
Thats why Im laying it all out, so you dont think Im putting on a show.
In my youth I fell for a girl, he sighs. She felt warm beside me, but it never worked. She saw me as a friend, I tried for years to push her from my heart, failed.
There were other womenprettier, smarternone fit.
Should you have talked to her? Jane asks weakly.
I told her I was suffering, a deer in the headlights, that I loved her more than life itself. She listened, then said shed always been a friend, even a brother.
She stayed quiet, then asked why he left Inna.
Its simpleI didnt love her.
And? she shrugs. Shes smart, beautiful, lively you just didnt love her.
He realises shes the one who showed him his own lack of feeling. He cant stay with someone he doesnt love, yet he tried to force her.
He later marries.
I didnt wander like a zombie, I lived, had fun, just when I thought of the one I truly love, love feels like a curse for me. I feel knocked out, unable to give a woman happiness. Women hear with their ears, dont be offended, I cant lie.
No, Jane, I just want you to decide if you can live without fireworks, without intense passion. My wife couldnt. Think about it.
Jane thinks, then a week later meets his large, cheerful family. They welcome both her and her daughter warmly.
She worries someone will call her a replacement or treat her with pity, but everything goes smoothly.
She never regrets marrying Harryhes reliable, problems melt away, she tries not to dwell on lust or romance, and life is good.
Only a few times a year does she catch a stray glance from Harry that hints at someone else, perhaps a memory of his past, but it never harms their marriage.
Again that lingering look appears.
Is it hurtful? Honestly, she places her hand over her heartany woman dreams that a man might change for her. She married not out of grand love, but grew to love him; hes an ideal husband.
That hazy look, however, shows shes not hers.
Jane? Harry asks.
She watches him wash the windows on a sunny spring day, the sun beating down, while she hums softly. He walks into the room, admiring her. He feels free, liberated, having found the love he once thought lost.
Did something happen? she asks.
Its all fine, he replies, dancing a little around the windowsill. You cant imagine how good everything feels.
He kisses Jane, finally realising how much she means to him.
She thinks, The old crone wasnt lying she told me to simply wait.
Good morning, dear ones! May your love, if it hasnt found you yet, flutter through your window. And if its already here, cherish it. Sending you hugs, sunshine, and positivity. Always yours.
