The key turned in the lock and, trying not to make a sound, I slipped into the flat. The entrance hall was dim, only a thin sliver of light leaking from the kitchen. My parents were still awake despite it being well past midnight. Lately it had become routinelatenight talks behind a closed door, usually quiet but sometimes slipping into a lowkey argument.
I slipped off my shoes, set my laptop bag on the nightstand and crept down the corridor to my room. I didnt feel like explaining why I was late, even though the reason was legitimatea work project kept falling apart and the deadline was breathing down my neck.
From the other side of the wall I could hear muffled voices.
No, Tom, I cant keep doing this, Mum whispered, irritation clear in her tone. You promised last month.
Lily, understand, now isnt the time, Dad tried to defend himself again.
I let out a tired sigh. The fights had become almost daily, yet they pretended everything was fine when I was around. Theyre both in their fifties now, Im an adult, but it still hurts to realise something is amiss in their marriage.
I changed, washed my face and crawled under the duvet, but sleep refused to come. My thoughts kept looping. My brother Matthew lives in a different city and only visits occasionally. If Mum and Dad decide to divorcewho gets the flat? Where would I end up? Why are they keeping their problems hidden?
The voices continued. I reached for the nightstand and found my headphones, hoping music could drown out the secrets. My hand brushed the phone, and it fell onto the carpet. Picking it up, I accidentally opened the voicerecording app. My finger hovered over the screen.
What if I recorded them? Just to know whats really happening instead of guessing. If I asked outright, theyd probably brush it off and say everythings fine.
A pang of conscience struckeavesdropping is wrong, let alone recording. Yet theyre my parents, my family. Dont I have a right to know if something serious is going on?
Resolute, I turned on the recorder, placed the phone closer to the wall and pulled the duvet over my head.
The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, I noticed both Mum and Dad looked exhausted. Over breakfast they exchanged only the usual polite phrases.
You got home late yesterday, Mum said as she poured tea. Stuck at work again?
Yeah, the project ran over, I replied. Did you both get any sleep?
Just watched a film, Mum waved it off without looking at me.
Dad stared at the newspaper, pretending to be absorbed.
Dont expect me for dinner tonight, he said without looking up. I have client meetings and might be late.
Mum pursed her lips, but said nothing.
All the way to the office I fought the urge to replay the nights recording. The tube was too crowded, and the thought of listening felt shameful, so I promised myself Id wait until the evening.
The day dragged on. When I finally got home, Mum wasnt therea note said shed gone to a friends and would be back late. Dad, as promised, was still at work. Perfect timing.
I flopped onto the sofa, wrapped a blanket around me and pressed play.
At first I heard only fragments, then the words became clearer.
Should we tell Emily? Dad asked, his voice uneasy.
I dont know, Mum sighed. Im afraid she wont understand. Its been so many years.
But she has a right to know.
Of course she does, but how do we explain why we kept quiet all this time?
I froze. What were they hiding? What truth were they keeping from me?
Do you remember how it all began? Dad suddenly asked, a faint smile in his tone.
Of course, Mum chuckled. I thought it would be a shortterm thing, turned out to be a lifetime.
What a life its been, Dad muttered. Sometimes it was hard.
Especially since Emily came along.
My heart tightened. Especially? Did they see me as a mistake? Or something else?
But we managed, Dad continued. Shes grown into a wonderful person.
Mums voice softened with pride. Yes, were proud of her. Now we just need to decide what to do next. Im tired of living this double life, Tom.
A double life? My mind racedwere they having affairs? The thought made my stomach churn.
Lily, lets wait for Matthews return. Well discuss everything as a family.
Alright, Mum agreed. But no more postponements. Either we change everything now or I dont know what then.
The recording cut off, likely because they left the kitchen or the phone stopped.
I sat there, stunned. What was going on with my family? Why wait for my brother to explain? I had a thousand questions and no answers. Should I record another conversation? It felt shameful already. Maybe I should just call Matthew; hes older and might know more. Or talk to Aunt Susan, Mums sistershes always been open with me.
I decided Id call Matthew tomorrow and visit Aunt Susan over the weekend.
Matthew didnt answer all day, finally getting back to me just before evening.
Hey, Emily! Sorry, I was on a site, left my phone in the van, he said, his voice as upbeat as ever.
When are you coming back? I asked straight away.
This weekend, why?
Mum and Dad have been strange lately.
Strange how? He sounded cautious.
Theyre whispering at night, acting like everythings fine when Im around. Talking about some double life.
A pause.
Emily?
Yeah, Im here, he cleared his throat. Listen, people have their secrets, even parents. If they dont bring it up themselves, maybe they arent ready. Give me a bit of time. Ill be there Saturday, we can talk then.
Okay, I replied reluctantly. What about visiting Aunt Susan?
Dont, he said quickly. Keep it between us, alright?
His warning only deepened my anxiety. Was it really an affair? A family scandal they wanted to keep hidden?
That evening Mum returned from her friend, her cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling.
Guess what? Tom is selling the flat! she announced as she stepped in. He wants to move to the countryside. He says the citys too noisy.
I nodded, unsure how to respond.
Would you like to move to the country? I asked, surprised by myself.
Mum hesitated, then answered gently:
I dont know sometimes I think maybe. Fresh air, a garden
And Dad?
What about Dad? I pressed.
Ask him yourself, Mum said, becoming suddenly serious. Hell be home late tonight, dont expect him for dinner.
Dad arrived earlier than hed said. I was making tea when the front door slammed.
Dad, want a cuppa? I shouted.
Ill be right there, he called back, hanging his coat. He slipped into the kitchen, tugging off his tie.
Wheres Mum? I asked.
Shes in the living room watching a film, I replied, pouring tea. Hows work?
Fine, Dad sighed, sinking into a chair. The client finally agreed to our terms, so the projects moving forward.
Thats great, I said, setting the cup down. Listen, is it true you and Mum have something important to tell me?
Dads eyes widened.
Where did you hear that?
Matthew mentioned youd be back this weekend and that youd explain everything, I admitted, not meeting his gaze. He said you were whispering about a double life.
Dads expression shifted through confusion to something like relief.
No, no divorce, he said quickly. Were not splitting up. Its the opposite
He stopped, searching for words. Well talk after Matthew arrives, okay? Nothing bad, I promise.
Really? I asked, heart pounding.
Absolutely, he said, clasping my hand. Now, lets have some tea before it gets cold.
That night sleep eluded me. I turned over the fragments of conversation, trying to piece together a picture. If not a divorce, then what? Illness? Money trouble? A move? The thought made me uneasy. Id just started building my career, made friends, loved this city.
A soft knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts.
Cant sleep? Mum asked, peeking in.
No, I propped myself up. What are you up to?
Just thinking about the conversation you overheard, she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Do you think everythings alright between us?
Honestly, Im not sure, I admitted. Dad mentioned a double life.
She smiled oddly.
Were fine, really. Life just throws a few surprises at us, even when youre over fifty. Youll see soon enough.
Good surprises or bad?
A mix, she said, stroking my hair like when I was a child. Dont worry too early. Youll find out soon enough.
She kissed my forehead and left, leaving me even more bewildered.
The weekend arrived suddenly. Matthew pulled up around lunch, suntanned and carrying a sack of gifts, but with a hint of tension in his eyes.
Ready for the family council? he joked as we all settled in the living room after lunch.
Dad and Mum exchanged a glance.
I think its time, Dad said. We have news for you.
I held my breath.
Were moving, Mum announced.
Where to? I asked, heart in my throat.
To the countryside, Dad replied. To a village called Ashford, about a hundred miles from here.
Why? I asked, turning from one to the other.
Because thats our real home, Mum said simply. We bought a farm there fifteen years ago. It started as a holiday cottage, but over the years it grew into a fulltime farmorchard, beehives, chickens, even a cow were planning to get next year.
A farm? I echoed, stunned. You keep bees?
Fifteen hives now, Dad said proudly. The honeys excellent.
So youre farmers? I asked, halflaughing.
Exactly, Mum grinned. Weve got apple trees, pears, plums, raspberries, blackberries All that stuff.
I raised a hand, trying to stop the torrent of information.
When do you actually go there? I asked. I thought you were always at work.
The work is both the office and the farm, Dad explained. Im retiring next month, and Ive arranged to work from home most of the time. Ill be in the city just for weekly meetings.
Did you ever tell me? I pressed, frustration bubbling.
You always said you hated the country, Mum said softly. Remember when we took you to Grandmas? You cried and begged to go home. When we suggested weekend trips, you always found an excuse.
That was childhood! I snapped. Im an adult now.
True, but you never asked where we actually went, Dad added. It felt awkward to admit we had a whole other life.
You were hiding it! I blurted.
Not at first, Mum said. We just said cottage. It became a secret because we didnt know how to tell you.
Double life, I muttered, recalling the whispered words.
Dad nodded. In the city were office workers, out there were farmers. And were genuinely happy.
So you want to move permanently? What about your jobs?
Im retiring soon, Mum said. Dads moving to remote work. Hell be in town once a week for meetings.
The flat? I asked.
We can leave it to you if you want, or sell it and split the proceeds, Dad offered. Its your call.
I sank back onto the sofa, trying to absorb everything.
So youve had a whole farm all this time, and I never knew? I said, a bitter smile forming. Brilliant.
Mum moved closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. We never meant to hurt you. It just happened. We didnt know how to bring it up.
I stayed silent, letting it sink in, then asked, Can I come and see? The house, the farm?
Of course! Dad said, eyes lighting up. Tomorrow if you like.
Tomorrow, I agreed. Ill go with you.
That night I lay awake, a strange mix of resentment, curiosity and excitement swirling inside me. How much had I missed while chasing my career, my friends, the city life? My parents had been living a secret second existence. What would it feel like to be halfcity dweller, halffarmer? Why were they so scared to tell me?
In the morning we piled into the car and headed out. The further we drove, the more animated Mum and Dad became, chatting about neighbours, their experiments with new apple varieties, the sauna Dad built himself, and Mums newfound love for canning.
When the car turned onto the narrow lane that led to the farm, Mum looked at me.
Weve wanted to tell you for ages, she said. We were afraid of your reaction.
Thought youd laugh at us, city retirees trying to be farmers, Dad added, chuckling.
I wouldnt laugh, I replied quietly. Im just surprised.
Mum smiled. Youve grown, and we should have trusted you earlier.
The vehicle stopped at the gate of a spacious plot, where a charming timber house stood. The engine died, and Dad turned to me.
Ready to meet our hidden life? he asked.
I nodded and stepped out of the car. The fresh scent of grass and blossoms hit me; somewhere a cow lowed, chickens clucked, and bees buzzed in the distance. Matthew was already unloading bags from the boot.
I still cant believe you kept a whole farm from me, I said, shaking my head. But you know what? I like it.
Mum hugged me tightly.
Were glad, she whispered. And weve even set up a spare room for you, just in case you want to spend weekends here.
Or maybe a whole summer? Dad suggested, hopeful.
I smiled. Lets discuss that later. First, show me the bees. I want to understand why you traded city life for this.
We walked down the path toward the apiary, and I felt, for the first time in weeks, that I was gaining more than just answers to a family mystery. I was being offered a whole new world, one Id never imagined. Perhaps, somewhere in that blend of city rush and country calm, there was a place for me too.
