I still remember the morning when my motherinlaw decided she knew best. The phone rang sharply, and the display read Agnes Whitaker. She had already called twice before, each time a reminder of the same old complaints. I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and pressed the green answer button.
Hello, Agnes, I said, trying to keep my voice calm.
Emma, why arent you answering the phone? her voice carried a thinly veiled rebuke. Ive been ringing all morning!
I was making porridge for little Poppy, my hands were full, I replied, though the truth was that I simply did not want another lecture on how I was raising my child.
Again with the porridge! I told you children need meat. My son, Tom, grew up on meatlook how sturdy he is! And your Poppy is so pale, shell be blown away by a gust of wind.
I closed my eyes and counted to five. Our daughter was only three, and the doctor had said she was developing normally; her slight build was simply the side of her fathers family.
Agnes, we do give her meat as well. Todays lunch will be meatballs, I said.
Good, thats why Im calling. Ill come over with some chicken broth, bones and all, just the way Tom likes it. Ill also make my special cutletsdont you dare serve those little meatballs
The sarcasm in cutlets sounded as if I were offering poison to my child. I tried to protest.
Theres no need to worry, we have everything, I said.
What worry? Im coming to see my granddaughter! You wont stop me, will you?
In that single sentence lay her whole characterasking a question so that any answer but agreement would seem a gross rudeness. I sighed and gave in.
Of course, come over, I relented.
When the call ended, I rested my forehead against the cool window glass. Snowflakes drifted past, settling on the bare branches of the oak outside. November was bleak and damp.
Mum, who were you talking to? Poppy peeped from the nursery, clutching her wellworn plush rabbit.
Grandma Agnes is coming today, I answered, forcing a cheerful tone.
Will she again say I dont eat enough? the little girl frowned.
My heart tightened; even she sensed the constant criticism.
Grandma loves you very much and just wants you strong and healthy, I soothed. She nodded reluctantly and went back to her toys.
I set to cleaning. Though my husband David and I preferred a creative mess, the flat had to sparkle for Agness visit; otherwise she would surely liken it to a pigsty full of germs. In two hours I swept the floors, dusted the shelves, and even baked an apple cakethe only thing she ever praised.
David was due back from work by lunch. Both of us worked from homehe a programmer, I a designerbut today he had an important client meeting and had to go to the office.
Exactly at two oclock the doorbell rang. Agnes was punctual as a clock.
Well, hello, daughterinlaw! she announced, a short, plump woman with chestnutcoloured hair, loaded with bags. Wheres my little princess?
Poppy shyly peeked from the hallway.
Come here, sweetheart! Grandma has brought treats!
The girl stepped forward and offered her hand for a kissan instruction Agnes had always given, believing girls should be raised as proper ladies.
Only grownup girls get kissed on the hand, she said, pulling Poppy into a hug. When youre sixteen, youll be offering your hand to gentlemen. Until then, you just say hello to me.
I rolled my eyes behind Agness back; her contradictory advice never ceased.
Agnes, may I help you with those bags? I offered.
Yes, dear, bring them to the kitchen. Ive prepared so much! Tom must eat properly, not just whatever is at hand.
In the kitchen she began issuing orders.
Emma, fetch a large pot. Not that plastic oneuse a proper metal one. And wheres your bread? Do you keep it in the fridge? That will make it stale!
I handed over the utensils, accustomed after six years of Davids mother always knowing the right way.
Poppy looks very pale, Agnes observed, arranging tins of pickles on the countertop. Do you take her out for walks? Give her vitamins?
We walk every day if the weather allows, and we give her the supplement the paediatrician prescribed, I replied.
The paediatrician! What do those young doctors know? In my day
I sighed silently. In my day children were kept outdoors from dawn till dusk and hardened! I took Tom out in any weather, and he grew sturdy.
I could have reminded her that David had suffered bronchitis each winter and chronic tonsillitis as a child, but I kept quiet.
Emma, I baked a cake. Tea?
First lunch, dear. Everything in order. And wheres Tom? Why isnt he here yet?
A click sounded as the hallway lock opened.
There he is! Agnes exclaimed.
David entered, looking bewildered at a shoe rack in the hall.
Mum? Why didnt you tell me you were coming?
How could I not? I called you this morning! Agnes snapped.
I gave David an apologetic smile; I had forgotten to text him about the visit.
Hello, Mum, David said, pulling her into an embrace. How are you feeling?
Oh, the blood pressure spikes, my legs swell by evening, but I dont complain. We manage ourselves, we dont burden anyone, she replied, a line she often used, followed by a litany of ailments, subtly reminding us how rarely I visited my own mother.
Come, get undressed, Im heating the lunch. Ive been at the stove since morning, making your favourite dishes, she said, glancing at me with a guilty look.
David cast a guilty glance at me; he knew how exhausting these visits were for me.
At lunch Agnes launched into memories of Toms childhood.
At four he could already read! Hed recite poemslisten to that! Poppy, do you learn poems?
The girl stared at her plate, poking it with a fork.
She knows many verses, I interjected. Poppy, tell Grandma about the bear.
I dont want to, she muttered, frowning.
See, David? Shes so shy, she needs a nursery group, more children to talk to, Agnes said, waving her hands.
Weve already discussed that, David said. Well wait until shes four. No need to rush her.
Rushed? I gave Tom away at two, and he turned out fine! Your girl is like a shy deer, eats nothing
Poppy pushed her plate away, pouting.
May I go play? she asked.
No, finish your cutlet first, Agnes ordered.
Finish your cutlet, sunshine, I said gently, though inside I was boiling.
She forced a bite, and Agnes nodded approvingly.
Better, she said. Youre spoiling her, letting her have it all. A child needs routine, discipline. When I raised Tom
The flood of recollections about her own parenting continued.
After the meal, Agnes insisted on putting Poppy down for a nap.
A child must nap in the afternoon! Its essential! How can you break the routine?
I wanted to argue that Poppy no longer napped and forcing her would keep her up till midnight, but David shook his head: it was easier to concede than to argue.
Let her lie down, at least for a little rest, he whispered.
While Agnes wrestled with the stubborn girl, I brewed tea and sliced the apple cake.
Useless, Agnes returned half an hour later. Shes completely out of hand. In our day children always obey!
I barely held back a retort about children being spanked for disobedience but kept my tongue in check.
Shes just not tired yet, David said soothingly. Mum, have a bite. I made this cake especially for you.
Agnes inspected the slice cautiously.
Hope its free of artificial additives? Those store mixes nowadays
Its all natural, I assured her. Flour, eggs, apples from our garden, the same ones you gave us.
Her tone softened a little.
I remember when you first married, you could barely fry an egg, she said.
I stayed silent; I could have reminded her that Id lived on my own for a decade before marriage and could cook well, just not in the way she expected.
Tom, Agnes leaned toward my husband, could you pop over next week? The tap in the bathroom leaks, the light in the pantrys blown. Im afraid to climb a laddermight fall and break a bone. Who will help me then?
Of course, Mum, David said, looking remorseful. Ill be there on Wednesday, okay?
My sister Nina will be visiting on Wednesday maybe Tuesday?
I have an important client meeting Tuesday, David gestured helplessly.
Then Ill stay with the tap, Agnes sighed. Its not my first time.
I bit my lip; the same thinveiled blackmail, the endless reproaches.
I can go with you, look at the tap, David offered, unable to bear another sigh.
Satisfaction flickered across Agness face.
Good! While youre at it, check the hallway wallpaper. Ive had the same one for five yearsit’s getting indecent.
Where is Poppy playing? Its too quiet, I suddenly remembered.
In her room, looking at books. I told her not to scatter her toys, Agnes replied.
I peeked into the nursery and was stunned. Poppy was carefully cutting pictures from a new picture book wed bought just yesterday.
Poppy! What are you doing?
The girl looked up, unashamed.
Grandma said I could cut pictures and make an album. She gave me scissors.
I snatched the damaged booka pricey, beautifully illustrated volume David had ordered online the day before.
This was a brandnew book! We just started reading it yesterday!
Tears welled in Poppys eyes.
Grandma said she sobbed.
I inhaled deeply, steadying myself.
Its all right, love. Next time, if you want to cut something, ask Mum or Daddy first, okay?
I returned to the kitchen where Agnes was animatedly chatting with Tom about a neighbour on the fifth floor whod had a serious health scare.
Agnes, I interrupted gently, did you give Poppy the scissors?
Yes, why not? Children should learn handiwork. In our day we glued, cut, crafted all the time. Now theyre glued to phones
But she ruined the new book. The very one we just received from the online shop.
So what? Its just paper. At least shell have a lovely album. It fosters creativity.
It was an expensive book, I said, fighting back frustration. We wanted to read it together first.
A book is just paper, Agnes waved away. Better that the childs hands are busy.
David, caught between the two, spoke up.
Mum, but you could have asked us first, he said cautiously.
Ah, so now I must ask permission to spend time with my own granddaughter? Who am I, an intruder? she snapped.
Nobody says that, David tried to calm her.
No, thats exactly what Im saying! Agnes rose, flinging her arms. I see Im unwanted here. I come, I bring food, and Im met with criticism!
Agnes, I stood as well, no one is criticizing you. There are boundaries, however.
Boundaries? she retorted. What boundaries between a grandmother and a granddaughter? I raised Tom alone! I know how to bring up children, unlike some who cant even make a decent meal!
Mum! David shouted. Stop this right now!
Silence fell. Poppy peeked from the nursery, eyes wide.
Grandma is shouting, she whispered.
Agnes instantly softened.
Come here, my dear. Im not shouting, just talking. Lets finish our album together, alright?
No, I said firmly. No more cutting. Poppy will go with Daddy to watch a cartoon, and well have a word with you, Agnes.
Agnes wanted to protest, but David already took his daughters hand.
Shall we, princess, watch Frozen?
As they left, I invited Agnes to sit.
Agnes, I know you love Poppy and want the best for her. David and I have our own way of raising her, and we ask that you respect it.
So I must stay silent when I see a child being raised the wrong way? she asked, pouting.
You may suggest, you may advise, but you cannot make decisions for us. And please, dont tell Poppy she may do things we normally forbid.
Like what? she asked, eyes narrowing.
Like cutting books, or napping in the afternoon, or eating sweets before lunch.
So I shouldnt spoil my granddaughter? Then whats the point of grandmothers?
I sighed. We spoke different languages.
You can indulge, but within reason, and only after discussing it with us.
Agnes pursed her lips, gathered her bags, and announced,
If thats how it is, Ill be on my way. Theres nothing for me here if I cant even have a proper chat with my granddaughter.
Dont dramatise, I said, weary. Just, please, lets respect each other.
Thirty years teaching, raised my son alone, and now I must ask permission to teach my granddaughter to cut pictures! she muttered, pulling on her coat.
David emerged from the hallway, hearing the clamor.
Mum, are you leaving?
Im going, son. Your wife doesnt like how Im with Poppy.
Mum, dont start, David frowned. Let me see you off and maybe check the tap?
A faint smile appeared on Agness face.
If its not too much bring a screwdriver; the cupboard hinge is loose.
They left, and I collapsed onto the sofa. Poppy slipped quietly onto my lap.
Mum, I wont cut books anymore, she said seriously. I didnt know I wasnt supposed to.
Of course, love, I hugged her. Youre not at fault. Next time Grandma suggests something, ask Daddy or me first, alright?
She nodded, snuggling close.
David returned an hour and a half later, exhausted but content.
Ive fixed the tap, replaced the bulb, tightened the cupboard. Mum sends her apologies and says she wont meddle with the raising any more.
And Im supposed to believe that? I teased.
David laughed, pulling me close.
No, but at least well have a weeks peace.
We laughed. Perhaps one day our relationship with Agnes will smooth out, perhaps not. For now we have our little family, our home, our rules, and well defend them whatever comes.
A week later Agnes called, as if nothing had changed, and offered to teach Poppy how to bake pies. Its time the girl learns a proper ladys skill, she declared, or shell turn out like modern youth, useless at anything. I sighed, exchanged a glance with David, and saw the same understanding in his eyesthis would never end. Yet we would manage, because deep down her heart was in the right place; it was just not the right right for us.
