28November
I was startled by an abrupt ring on the phone. The caller ID showed Anne Stevens. It was the third call she had made that morning. I drew a deep breath, steadied myself and pressed the green accept button.
Hello, Anne? I answered, trying to sound calm.
Emily, why arent you answering? Her voice carried a thinlyveiled reproach. Ive been calling all morning!
I was making porridge for Lily, my hands were busy, I said, though the truth was that I simply didnt want to endure another lecture about how I was raising my child.
Poridge again! I told you children need meat. My son, Tom, grew up on steaks and look how robust he is. Your Lily looks as pale as a sheet; one gust of wind and shell be blown away.
I closed my eyes and counted to five. Lily was only three, and the paediatrician had confirmed she was developing normally; her slight frame was simply a family trait from her fathers side.
We do give her meat as well. Tonight shell have meatballs for lunch.
Thats better! Im calling because Ill stop by today with a pot of chicken brothbones, just how Tom likes it. Ill also make my special cutlets, not those whatever youre serving.
I winced at the harsh sarcasm hidden in the word cutlets, as if I were offering poison to my child.
Its fine, we have everything we need, I tried to assure her.
Whats the worry? Grandmother wants to see her! You wont stop me?
Her question left no room for refusal; any answer other than agreement would have seemed a cruel slight.
Of course, come over, I sighed, conceding.
When the call ended I pressed my forehead against the cool window pane. Outside, a thin dusting of snow swirled down, settling on the bare branches. November was damp and grey.
Mum, who were you talking to? Lily peeked from the nursery, clutching a wellworn plush rabbit.
Grandma Anne is coming today, I said, forcing a bright tone.
Is she going to say I dont eat enough again? she frowned.
My heart ached. Even the little girl sensed the constant criticism.
Grandma loves you very much and just wants you to grow up healthy and strong. Lily gave a reluctant nod and went back to her toys.
I set about cleaning. Though Simon and I usually prefer a creative mess, the flat had to sparkle before Anne arrived, or else we would hear her say the place was a proper pigsty for germs. In two hours I swept the floors, dusted the surfaces and even baked an apple crumblethe only dish Anne ever praised.
Simon was due back from work around midday. Both of us work from homehe as a software developer, I as a graphic designerbut today he had an important client meeting and had to go into the office.
Exactly at two oclock the doorbell rang. Anne Stevens was as punctual as a London bus.
Well, look whos here, my new daughterinlaw! she announced, a short, plump woman with chestnutcoloured hair, laden with shopping bags. Wheres my little princess?
Lily shyly peeked out of the nursery.
Come here, sweetheart! Grandma brought presents!
The girl stepped forward and extended a hand for a kiss, a habit Anne had taught, believing girls should grow up as proper ladies.
Only grownup girls get kisses on the hand, Anne said, leaning in to hug Lily. When youre sixteen youll be the one offering yours to gentlemen. Grandmothers are only greeted with a hello.
I rolled my eyes just out of sight. Annes contradictory advice was endless.
Anne, may I help with the bags? I offered.
Yes, take them to the kitchen. Ive prepared a lot! Tom needs a proper diet, not just whatevers handy.
In the kitchen she immediately began issuing orders:
Irene, fetch the large pot. Not that plastic one, a proper metal one. And wheres your bread? Do you keep it in the fridge? You cantbread gets soggy in there!
I handed her the utensils, trying to stay patient. After six years of marriage I was used to Annes certainty that she knew best.
Lily looks rather pale, Anne observed while arranging various homemade pickles. Do you take her for walks? Give her vitamins?
Yes, we stroll every day if the weather allows, and we give her the multivitamin the doctor prescribed.
Doctors! What do those young doctors understand? In my day
I breathed silently, bracing for the inevitable nostalgic tirade.
Back then we kept children outdoors from dawn till dusk and hardened them up! Id take Tom out in any weather and he grew strong.
I kept quiet, though I could have reminded her that Simon suffered from chronic bronchitis each winter and had a bout of tonsillitis as a child.
Anne, Ive baked the crumble. Would you like some tea?
First lunch, then tea. Everything in order. And wheres Tom? Why isnt he here yet?
The hallway lock clicked open.
Here he is! Anne brightened.
Simon stepped in, eyeing the pile of shoes by the door.
Mum? Why didnt you tell me you were coming?
How could I not? I called Irene this morning! Anne snapped.
I offered a guilty smile; I had forgotten to message Simon about the visit.
Hey, Mum, Simon said, hugging his mother. How are you feeling?
Ah, the usualblood pressure bouncing, my legs swell by evening. But I dont complain; we manage ourselves, dont burden anyone.
That line was a rehearsed refrain, always followed by a litany of ailments, subtly reminding us how seldom I visited my own mother.
Get undressed, Ill heat up the lunch. Ive been at the stove since dawn, preparing your favourite dishes.
Simon shot a guilty glance at me; he knew how stressful these visits could be.
During lunch Anne launched into memories of Tom at four, reciting poetry, then turned to Lily.
Emily, do you know any poems? she asked.
Lily twirled her fork idly.
She knows a lot, I interjected. Emily, tell Grandma about the teddy bear.
I dont want to, Lily muttered, scowling.
See, Simon? The child is very shy. Shed benefit from a nursery, more socialising, Anne urged.
Weve agreed to wait until shes four, Simon replied calmly. We dont want to rush her development.
Anne raised her voice. I raised Tom on my own, and he turned out fine! Your Lily is like a shy fawn, eats nothing
Lily pushed her plate away, puffing her cheeks.
Can I go play now? she asked.
No, finish your cutlet first, Anne commanded.
Finish your cutlet, love, I said gently, though inside I was boiling.
Lily forced a bite of the meatball.
Much better, Anne said approvingly. Youre spoiling her, letting her have her way. Children need routine and discipline. When I raised Tom
After the meal Anne insisted Lily take a nap.
Children must nap during the day! Its essential for a proper schedule.
I wanted to argue that Lily no longer napped and that forcing her would keep her up until midnight, but Simon shook his head. Better to concede than to argue.
Let her rest a bit, shell feel better, he whispered.
While Anne tried to settle Lily, I brewed tea and sliced more crumble.
Useless, Anne returned after half an hour, Shes completely out of hand. In my day children obey adults without question!
I nearly blurted, You used to spank children for misbehaviour, but held my tongue.
Its just that shes not tired yet, Simon reasoned, offering her a piece of crumble. Try it, Anne, its homemade.
Anne eyed the slice suspiciously. No artificial additives, I hope? Those storebought mixes are horrid.
Its all natural, I assured her. Flour, eggs, apples from our garden the same ones you gave us.
Her tone softened a little.
I remember when you married, you couldnt even fry an egg properly, she reminded me.
I stayed silent; I could have pointed out my ten years of living on my own before we married, and my competence in the kitchenjust not the way she expected.
Tom, could you pop over later this week? The tap in the bathroom is leaking and a light in the pantry has blown out. Im too frail to climb the ladder.
Ill be there on Wednesday, Tom said, looking apologetic.
Wednesday? I have MrsParker visiting then. Maybe Tuesday?
Tuesday I have a client meeting, Tom replied, throwing his arms up.
Fine, Ill just sit with the dripping tap then. Its not the first time, she sighed.
I clenched my jaw. It was always the same thinveiled blackmail, endless reproaches.
I can go with you, check the tap, Tom offered, trying to ease the tension.
Annes face brightened. Excellent! And while youre at it, look at the wallpaper in the hallway. Its been up for five years, it looks shabby.
Where is Lily playing? Its so quiet, I asked suddenly.
In her room, reading. I told her to keep her toys tidy, Anne answered.
I peered into Lilys bedroom and froze. Lily was carefully cutting pictures from a fresh picture book they had just bought yesterday.
Emily! What are you doing?
Lily looked up, unfazed.
Grandma said I could cut pictures and make an album. She gave me scissors.
I seized the booka costly, beautifully illustrated volume we had ordered online just the day before.
Emily, thats a brandnew book! We just started reading it!
Tears welled in Lilys eyes.
Grandma said she hiccupped.
I inhaled deeply, calming myself.
Its alright, love. Next time you want to cut something, ask your mum or dad first, okay?
She nodded and hugged me.
Back in the kitchen Anne was chatting animatedly with Tom about a neighbour on the fifth floor who had a serious health scare.
Anne, I interjected, keeping my voice level, did you give Lily the scissors?
Yes, why not? Children should learn handy skills. We used to glue and cut all the time when we were young. Now everyones glued to screens
But she tore a new book, the one we just received from the online shop.
Does it matter? Its just paper. Shell have a lovely album. It encourages creativity.
Simon tried to mediate. Mum, perhaps you could ask us first before handing Lily anything?
Ah, so now I need permission to spend time with my own granddaughter? Who am I, an intruder? Anne snapped.
No one says that, Simon attempted to smooth things over.
Yes, exactly! This is what they all say! Im the extra person in this house. I arrive with food, and all I get are complaints!
Anne, nobody is complaining, I said, rising as well. There are boundaries, though.
Boundaries? she demanded. What boundaries between a grandmother and her grandchild? I raised Tom alone! I know how to bring up children, unlike some who cant even make a decent lunch!
Mum! Simon raised his voice. Stop this right now!
Silence fell. Lily peeked out, frightened.
Grandma is shouting, she whispered.
Anne instantly softened.
Come here, my dear. Im not shouting, just having an adult conversation. Lets finish our album together, alright?
No, I said firmly. No more cutting. Lily will go watch a cartoon with her dad, and well talk, Anne.
Anne tried to protest, but Simon already took Lilys hand.
Shall we watch Frozen? he asked.
As they left, I invited Anne to sit.
Anne, I know you love Lily and want the best for her. Simon and I have our own approach to parenting, and we ask that you respect it.
So I should stay silent when I see you raising her wrongly? she retorted haughtily.
You can suggest, you can advise, but you cant make decisions for us. And please, dont tell Lily she can do things we normally forbid.
What, like cutting books, or not napping, or eating sweets before lunch?
So I shouldnt spoil my granddaughter? Whats the point of grandmothers then?
I sighed; we were speaking different languages.
You can indulge, but within limits, and discuss it with us first.
Anne pursed her lips and began packing her bags.
If thats how it is, Ill be going. Theres no point staying if I cant even have a proper chat with my granddaughter.
Dont dramatise, I said tiredly. Just please, lets respect each other.
Thirty years teaching, raising my son alone, and now I have to ask permission to teach my granddaughter to cut pictures! she muttered, pulling on her coat.
Simon emerged from the hallway, hearing the commotion.
Mum, youre leaving already?
Yes, dear. Your wife doesnt like how Im handling Lily.
Mum, dont start, Simon winced. Let me give you a ride and check the tap while Im at it?
Annes face brightened. If its not too much trouble just bring a screwdriver; theres a loose hinge on the sideboard.
When they departed, I collapsed onto the sofa. Lily crept in, climbing onto my lap.
Mum, I wont cut books any more, she said seriously. I didnt know it was wrong.
Of course, love, I hugged her. Youre not at fault. Just ask us next time, okay?
She nodded, snuggling into me.
Simon returned about an hour and a half later, weary but satisfied.
The taps fixed, the bulbs in, the sideboards sturdy. Grandma sends her apologies and says shell stay out of the parenting for now.
And you expect me to believe that? I teased.
Simon sat beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
Of course not. But at least well have a breather for a week.
We laughed. Perhaps someday well find a smoother rhythm with Anne, or perhaps not. For now we have our little family, our home, our rules, and well guard them fiercely.
A week later Anne called, as if nothing had happened, and offered to teach Lily how to bake pies. Its time the girl learns a proper ladys skill, otherwise shell end up like modern youthgood for nothing. I sighed, glanced at Simon, and saw the same resigned look in his eyes. He knew this would never truly end, but we would manage. After all, Anne does want what she believes is best; its just not the best we need.
