Too late
I left the gynaecology clinic in complete bewilderment. Staring at the paperwork, I read the line again: Pregnancy 78 weeks. How could this have happened? Why hadnt I noticed anything? I wondered as I walked to my car, Did I forget to take my pill? What now? Give birth? Im fortythree alreadythis cant be happening.
The drive home was a haze of thoughts. At a traffic light I barely noticed the cars lurching forward, only snapping back to reality when the driver behind honked loudly.
Back in my flat, I threw myself into the chores, desperate to keep my mind occupied.
After lunch, Emily popped in for a quick visit, eager to share the latest news.
Mum, Ive got a surprise for you! she announced brightly, settling at the kitchen table.
Come on, spill it, I said, curiosity sparking in my eyes.
Emily, Alex proposed to me! she beamed, and I said yes!
My dear, congratulations! I whispered, tears welling as I hugged her. Alex is a smart, driven, steady ladambitious enough to be interesting, but grounded and courteous. At twentyfive he earns a decent salary, lives independently, and has been with Emily for almost three years. Ive seen his seriousness countless times.
Emily, whens the wedding? I asked, pouring hot tea into mugs.
We havent decided yet, she shrugged, maybe next summer.
Will you tell your father? I pressed, eyeing her.
I dont know, she frowned, to be honest, I dont even want to
Dont do that, I chided gently, your father loves you. I know youre angry, but people do split upits no reason to cut him out completely. Ive forgiven him; you should too. Invite him to the wedding, please.
Mom, how can you say that? He left you for someone else, and you forgave him! Hes been having an affair with his secretary for a year! How could you possibly forgive that?
Emily, your father and I were together for twentytwo years. We raised yousmart, beautifulyou were his pride. Those were happy years, and Im grateful. But he fell in love with another woman.
The heart cant be commanded, I tried to explain, what else could I have done? Throw a fit, hide my hurt, hate him forever? Because his feelings cooled? Thats absurd, isnt it?
No, Mum, I dont understand, Emily shook her head, if Alex treated me like that Id I dont even know what Id do!
I gave up arguing. Emilys fiery nature meant shed never see my side. Youth sees things differently, I suppose.
After seeing her out, I returned to the kitchen, washed the dishes, and pulled a roast from the freezer. My mind kept returning to the unexpected pregnancy, looping over what to do. Giving birth at my age, and alone, terrified me, yet the longing to be a mother again, to nurture another life, tugged at me fiercely.
I fetched an old photo album from the loft, leafing through pictures of Emily as a baby in a onesie, smiling wide in her grandmothers arms. Later shots showed her older, in a pretty dress at the city park gate I remembered the day she fell off a swing, the doctors stitches, the thin scar that remained. There was a school portraitfirstgrade Emily with a bouquet, her father looking proud. I even found a picture of my younger self, slender in a light suit, highheeled sandals, a fringe bob that now looks hilarious.
In a fifthgrade Nativity play, Emily was SnowGirl; Id sewn her a silver dress and rabbitfur coat after failing to find anything suitable in shops. Three nights at the sewing machine, and it turned out splendid. Another photo captured the three of usSimon, Emily, and meon a sunny beach in Thailand, all tanned and happy.
A wave of sadness washed over me. I once believed my family was the strongest, most united one could imagine. Simon and I had shared dreams, built a home, bought a car, traveled. I opened a bridal boutique, fulfilling a longheld ambition. Yet I could never carry another pregnancy to term. The first ended in miscarriage; the second reached fourteen weeks before a scan revealed severe fetal anomalies, forcing termination. I wept all night in the hospital, and the decision to stop trying felt like surrender.
Looking back, irony struck me. Once I had youth, a loving husband, financial security, and a burning desire for another child. Yet fate now handed me an unexpected pregnancy as a cruel joke.
When Simon announced he was leaving, it wasnt a shock. Id suspected an affair for months, but he denied it, accusing me of overactive imagination. I launched a desperate campaign to win him back, even suggesting couples therapyhe dismissed it as nonsense. I tried every trick I could think of, from heartfelt talks to a cheeky home striptease. Nothing worked. He packed his things and moved out a month ago, then filed for divorce. The final, painful conversation left me stunned. I could never grasp why he chose a younger secretary, Olgaa woman with silicone lips, long dolleyelashes, and a plunging neckline that made my skin crawl. I begged him to replace her, but he brushed me off:
Lara, I dont care how she looks. Shes efficient, clever, and I cant afford to lose her now. Hiring someone new would be a hassle, and the business is already a mess.
I sensed Olga wasnt the asset he claimed. Later, my suspicions proved righthe had swapped me for a mannequin, shattering years of building our life together. Yet I had to keep moving.
Simon left me the twobed flat in London where I still live, while he moved to a countryside house with Olga. It infuriated me that a stranger now occupied the space where we once shared happy memories, where Emilys childhood unfolded. I had consented to the arrangement, preferring city life for work and proximity to Emily and Alexs flat, but the ache lingered.
The next day, a Saturday, I visited my old friend Nancy, whom Id known since the children attended the same nursery. She greeted me with a bottle of whisky.
Lets have a good tipple, Lara. Ive cooked a roast, perfect with a dram, she winked, pulling out glasses.
Thanks, Nancy, but Ill pass. I cant, I replied.
Why not? Are you on some medication? she asked.
No, Im pregnant, I said with a weak smile.
Nancys eyes widened. You and Simon are split, right? Or have you already found a lover?
No, dear, this child is Simons. We had a night together a couple of months agocandles, wine, lacey nightwear. And now, I gestured to my belly.
Oh, Lara, youre something else! What will you do? she chuckled.
I dont know, I sighed, I only found out yesterday. Im at a loss.
Nancy warned, Youre getting on in years, Lara. Carrying a child alone at fiftyplus is tough. Youll need support, perhaps child support. Emily will soon be marrying, maybe even have grandchildren. I wouldnt gamble on this, honestly. Its your call.
She was right; I felt it too. I left, heading back to Emilys flat.
Hey, Mum! Emily called, Come in. Want coffee?
No, love, Im not in the mood. I need to talk. Is Alex home? I asked, hoping for a private moment.
No, hes at his parents helping with a renovation, she replied.
I told her about the pregnancy.
Mum, do you really want this baby? she asked.
Yes, I do, but Im scared, I admitted.
What does the doctor say? she pressed.
He says everything looks fine, the babys developing normally. Ive lost two children before, and doctors never gave a clear reason. Im terrified of going through that again. At my age, they say its risky, and babies can have problems. Ive read horror stories online
You need proper medical checks, not internet myths. These days many women have healthy babies after forty. If youre fit, why not? Emily encouraged.
I understand, I nodded, maybe I should try.
She reminded me, The decision is yours alone, but well support you whatever you choose. Will you tell Simon?
No, I dont want to, I replied.
The conversation steadied me. Tests showed no serious health issues, and I chose to keep the baby. I wondered whether I should tell Simon, but why bother? He no longer needed me, and the child certainly didnt.
Wed only met a few times since the divorcehed popped by to collect a few things. Six months later, he turned up at my boutique unexpectedly.
Lara, Im here for the house papers. I think you have them, he said, avoiding my rounded belly.
I changed the locks, I replied calmly, and Im not your personal storage unit. Were done, and I have no documents for you.
He smirked, So you didnt marry, I see?
No, Simon, and I never will. My life isnt your concern. I have work to do, I cut him off.
He muttered something and left. All day he replayed my face in his mind Whats her gestational age? Could she have found someone else? This cant be
At that moment, his secretary Olga strutted in, demanding a dinner out.
Lets go, love, she cooed.
Later, Im busy, Simon replied, eyes flicking to my belly.
She huffed out, and he returned to his computer, thoughts clearly elsewhere.
From the maternity ward, Emily, Alex, Nancy, and a few of the girls from my shop greeted me. Alex cradled the newborn in a skyblue blanket.
Oh my God, hes tiny! Im scared to even hold him, he whispered, swaying gently.
Hes gorgeous, isnt he? Emily cooed, He looks just like me, Mum, right?
Youre right, youre right! I laughed.
Back home, I gasped at the sight of a newlydecorated nurseryrainbow garlands, balloons, and a big banner reading Happy Birthday, Daniel! (the name I chose for my son). The room felt like a dream.
Daniel was healthy, and I felt surprisingly well. Days slipped by in baby care. Emily often stopped by, playing with Daniel or taking him to the nearby park, giving me a breather.
Well, Emily, youre practically rehearsing motherhood, I teased, watching her handle her brother.
I love it! she replied, eyes twinkling at Alex.
A few weeks later, a knock sounded at the door. Simon stood there with a bouquet.
Hello, Lara, he said, extending the flowers, which I didnt take.
Simon, what brings you here? I asked coolly, arms crossed.
I know everything now. Daniel is my son. Nancy told me, he said.
And does that matter now? I replied.
Im sorry, Lara. I was a fool. I realized my mistake. I want to be part of our sons life. Will you let me? he pleaded, eyes downcast.
A year ago I would have given anything for those words. Now they felt empty. No, Simon. Its too late. Dont come back, I said firmly, closing the door and locking it.
He shouted, I have a right to see my son! Open up!
He returned a few more times, loitering near the park when I pushed the pram, begging forgiveness and a fresh start. I remained unmoved. He attended Emily and Alexs wedding briefly, handed over a generous cheque, and left. I later learned hed married Olga, but the marriage lasted only months before she left him for someone else.
Life goes on, and I keep moving forward, one day at a time.
