James, Im still here with you, I heard him beg, his voice shaking. I dont know how it happened, Im sorry, please forgive me! I swear Ill never talk to her again. If you want, Ill change jobs. Shall we leave together? Just dont walk out on me
***
September greeted Emma with a crisp but still gentle sun. Yellow leaves swirled around her feet, the air smelled of damp earth and the promise of autumn. She was hurrying to pack her suitcases. Ahead lay a long journey up to Yorkshire, where her mother lay suddenly ill.
At first it seemed like a simple cold, but a deep worry settled in Emmas chest and grew each day. The doctors delivered a sudden, terrifying diagnosis that hit her like a cold shower. James stayed at home; he couldnt accompany her. Emma had to make the only sensible choice: grab Oliver, their little boy, and fly straight to her mum. Thus began their harsh, exhausting battle for every precious minute
The first three months were a blur of endless doctor visits, test results, and frantic searches for a good specialist. Whenever a free slot appeared, Emma flew back home, but the feeling that something had changed clung to her. The house was still tidy, the garden still neat, James still tried to keep the routine. Yet Emmas thoughts were stuck somewhere in the rolling hills of Yorkshire. The home wasnt abandonedJames kept up the comforts, the care was therebut Emmas focus had shifted.
Just as her mum steadied a bit, Emma was forced to pack again. Oliver, a little tired from all the flights and hospital smells, was obedient and rode along. More planes, more doctors, more flickering hope that would light up then die down. By March there was a small relief: mum felt a bit better, and Emma managed a brief breather, returning home for a couple of weeks.
In that short lull, truth pushed through like a stubborn weed. Oliver complained that his phone had slipped into the bath. Emma remembered a hack shed read in a womens magazinepop the device into a bowl of rice.
***
Emma pulled the smartphone out, switched it on. The screen lit up, showing a new message. James was napping peacefully on the sofa.
Oliver, lookyour phone works, Emma said, handing him the device. He lazily flicked through the notifications and froze.
Whats this? Emma leaned in, noticing the change in his posture. Im falling more and more in love with you. What does that even mean?
James sat up instantly, clearing his throat, trying to look composed, but his hands trembled slightly.
Emma, youve got it all wrong, he started hastily. Its just a joke, a colleague at work was pulling my leg. Were silly sometimes.
A joke? Emma crossed her arms, feeling a chill despite the warm flat. Youre kidding?
Im being honest, its nonsense. We just work together, nothing personal.
Are you sure? Because messages like that arent something just colleagues usually send, Emma pressed, studying his face for any hint of deceit.
Im 100 per cent sure. Youre overthinking because of mums illness. Lets drop it and go for a walk. The suns out, we could use some fresh air.
He was so eager to change the subject that Emma, exhausted from three months of nonstop stress, decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. She blamed it on nerves and fatigue, and they stepped out. The false calm didnt last long.
As soon as they were back, another message pinged from the same coworker, this time far more explicit. Emma felt a sting of jealousy but chose to talk to James first, not to explode straight away.
James, look at what she just sent. This isnt a joke.
He grabbed the phone, his face turning pale.
This this is a mistake. Ill tell her to stop.
Youll write to her? Or should I do it? Emmas voice trembled.
Emma, I told you I love only you. Theres no point making a drama over some nonsense.
Then it was back to the plane, back to mum, doctors, tests, hospital rooms. Oliver remained the only constant in the chaos. Mums condition eased a bit, and Emma finally got another short break.
***
March rolled on. Mum felt a little stronger, and Emma managed another trip home to try and find some balance. But balance kept slipping away. A quick glance at a text thread shed skimmed earlier refused to leave her alone. She couldnt just forget the words.
She decided not to wait for another excuse and confronted James directly.
James, I need the truth. I cant live with these vague explanations.
Ive already told you! It was a botched joke. I dont understand why youre bringing it up again.
Because it wont leave me alone, Emma replied firmly.
James tensed.
Emma, why are you making this a bigger deal? Its already messy enough.
I spoke to your colleague, Emma said, her voice turning icy, She actually reached out herself.
James froze.
She wrote she wrote, Yes, I love you. Yes, it happened. What do you have to say to that, James?
He stayed silent, his face turning ashen.
Leave, Emmas voice quivered with heldin emotion. Pack your things and go.
No, he whispered, youre making a huge mistake! I never did anything with her. She made it up, and you believed some madwoman!
I dont believe you! Emma snapped, pulling out her phone and showing him a screenshot of the conversation where the other woman confessed everything. Look! This is your joke!
James lowered his head. The silence stretched on forever. When he finally lifted his gaze, guilt and desperation swam in his eyes.
Alright. I slipped up. I love you, Emma, I always have. Its true.
Slipped up? Emma laughed bitterly. Three years of lies right to my face! Thats how you treat someone you claim to love!
Its not a lie, I truly love you! Its just that you were rarely around and I.
Rarely around? Thats cowardice! Emma shouted, taking a step back. Youre a coward!
But I didnt leave, Emma, I didnt walk out on you! he tried to grab her hand. Were together
Emma pulled her hand away. Whether he stayed or left didnt matter now; the pain he caused was enough. She had no patience for him.
You say you didnt leave? she said, bitterly. You kept darting between us, but you never really walked away
I couldnt! I love you!
You love? Emma shook her head. No, you stayed because it was convenient, not because you loved me. Im done dissecting your motives. I have to go. Mums getting worse.
Another flight. Another trip to Yorkshire, doctors, wards. Now Emma carried not only her mothers illness but also the weight of Jamess betrayal.
***
Mum passed away in August. By New Years, Emma moved through days in a daze, mechanically doing what she had to. The house she once called a fortress now felt foreign. Oliver was her anchor, the only thing keeping her from dissolving into endless grey.
When the first months of despair faded, she began to wake up a little, but never fully recovered. Every glance at James seared. She couldnt look at him, hear his voice, see his face. Yet she held on, driven by the need to care for Oliver, who seemed to sense his mothers turmoil.
James, realising the depth of his mistake, tried to mend things. He stayed close, offered help, begged forgiveness, pleaded that they could go back to how it was.
Emma, please, lets try again. I made a terrible error. I know I didnt run off when you left for mum. Doesnt that prove my love?
Emmas mind replayed the messages shed accidentally stumbled upon while cleaning her phone. Words shed missed in the panic now resurfaced with horrifying clarity.
You know youre my everything, he had written to the other woman.
And her reply, etched in Emmas memory:
Did I tell your wife everything? Someone should have pushed her. Any woman would have left, but yours a rag!
Emma watched Oliver building a tower in the corner, his concentration reminding her of herself as a childfocused, clever. He didnt deserve a home where his mother is shattered by a fathers lies.
James entered with two mugs of tea.
Here, a nice herbal brew. Have a sip.
Emma took the mug but didnt drink.
I cant, James.
Emma, we agreedtime heals. Give us time. Im ready for anything to win you back.
Time? she smiled bitterly. Time showed youre a master liar. You stayed because leaving became inconvenient, not because I meant anything to you. Her messages prove it. She told you to tell me everything, didnt she?
It was stupid of her! I told her it was over!
You didnt ban her, James. You just chose the easiest line to keep me from breaking.
Emma inhaled deeply.
I cant forgive. Not now. Maybe never. But I have to live. Oliver has to live. Well stay apart for now. Ill put him with my sister for a couple of weeks and stay with a friend while I figure out what I want.
James turned pale, understanding that this wasnt a pauseit was a real chance of losing everything.
Emma, dont do this. Please. Ill see a therapist, any specialist. Ill quit my job if I have to. Just dont go.
Im not leaving you, James. Im leaving the lies, Emma whispered. I cant love you now, and I wont keep living a lie. Well talk when Im backif I ever am.
***
Emma never returned. Two months apart, then she decided the family wouldnt survive, even for Olivers sake. James changed jobs, cut ties with the other woman. Yet Emma knew that the young girl would forever linger in his and her memories, and she wasnt ready to accept that. Never.
