Kate was a rather oldfashioned lass who longed for marriage. These days most young women arent keen on settling down; why haul a whole pig into the house when a single sausage will do? And sausages seem to be everywhere now different flavours, sizes, and brands. Cohabitation is no longer a scandal; its practically encouraged. The old virtues of modesty, pride, and propriety feel as outofdate as a horsedrawn carriage.
Even a character like Oblomov would no longer be seen as a negative figure after all, his estate kept sending him regular checks. Hed be a classic rentier. Hand a smartphone to a fellow named Ian and hed be hailed as a successful blogger whos made it. As for family life, the modern mantra is Do what you like. Meet in hotels, book a hourly flat, or have a guest marriage instead of racing to the registry office. Who knows what will pop up after the vows? Once it was a pair of mismatched socks or a botched borscht that counted as a disaster.
Now there are nastier things: childishness, mumisms, and chronic nothingdoing among suitors. And that nothingdoing often comes wrapped in a veneer of selfadmiration, especially among the ladies. Of course, both sexes now have endless demands beyond bread and spectacle youre expected to shop, to look good, to stay fit.
Kate was a pleasant exception. She was pretty, with none of the trendy bodymodding that fills the magazines. Shed earned a respectable university degree and held a solid job that paid a decent salary in pounds. Yet, for some reason, the men marched past her, pairing off with other types and stepping straight into the same old traps.
Dont think Kate never had suitors she was attractive, after all. It just never got to the point of a registry appointment. She was approaching thirty, the age that used to be called the old maid mark back in the day, now stretched to sixty for modern mums. She wasnt interested in having a baby on her own, without a husband.
Kate also trusted horoscopes more precisely, astrological forecasts. Those horoscopes, she thought, were the clever invention of slick salespeople to line their pockets. In these uncertain times, the predictions were all upbeat: On Tuesday morning youll meet a wealthy magnate. So she kept a spare toothbrush handy, just in case his intentions turned serious.
Being a Sagittarius, she looked for a partner whose sign matched the fire element Aries or Leo, though Sagittarius was said to be the most eventempered of the trio. Her first great love came in her freshman year of college an age now likened to nursery school for the bewildered eighteenyearolds. Back then, sex education was a different beast; today its as if weve all got a PhD in it.
Later, life threw a creative block her way. She had to pay for utilities, travel, and food. For the first time she had to buy groceries herself instead of rummaging through someone elses fridge. Previously her parents had subsidised her, but now she lived on her own and two people wages didnt stretch far enough.
Her boyfriend, Dave, was baffled. Arent you supposed to buy the food? he asked. Why me? Kate replied. But the fridge is yours, and Im not the head of the house! Dave tried to make a logical case. Kate, quickwitted as ever, said, If its only about that, Ill hand you the reins run the household as you like! The next thing you know, Dave vanished, stopped greeting her in the lecture hall, and left her standing there, a Sagittarius indeed, as clueless as a lost lamb.
So the registry never happened, though Kate was already making plans. She mourned a bit Dave had been her first love. Yet youth and time move on, and a new steady fellow appeared when she was in her third year. He wasnt from the same university, but from a different town altogether.
Sean was well over thirty, with lets get married, love on his lips. Hed been divorced, but love knows no boundaries, right? He cared for Kate. However, Yuri Ill call him Mark had no stable job. This was before the latest economic headache hit the nation, before the new disease and the special operation that turned everything upside down. Yet even then, Marks life was a string of permanent setbacks: hed been sacked repeatedly, his bosses were impossible, his hours unreasonable.
When Kate suggested he take a courier job, he proudly declared, Im an analyst! She asked, Can an analyst be a courier? He shrugged, saying, Drive and analyse, why not? He begged his mother for help, claiming temporary difficulties, which hed been repeating for months. Time is a long thing, he quoted Mayakovsky, looking smug.
Kate, ever pragmatic, replied, Then dont ask for food. She added, Times have changed, move on. Mark, a Capricorn the diligent and reliable sign took offense. Who are you telling to move their legs? he snapped. You? he demanded. It was the first time anyone had ever turned the tables on him.
Later, a third suitor, Len, also a believer in the stars, met Kate on an astrology forum. Their chats blossomed into genuine affection, although Len kept mispronouncing zodiac as zodiyaki. When Kate asked why, he shrugged, Its funny! Their banter reminded Kate of her grandmothers wise sayings about not needing anyone else to function.
Both Len and Kate had good jobs and were free Lens exwife had a grown child. Initially Len was shy, but soon grew comfortable, spewing out phrases like Snooduracha and Strevdessa like a man who thought he was the king of witticisms at fortyone. Kate, now twentysix, was getting a bit weary of his endless wordplay, though their material life was fine.
A scandal erupted at a family gathering when Kates grandfather, a retired MI5 officer with Polish roots, heard Len call the famous revolutionary Dzerzhinsky Zherdinsky. He howled, Jesus, Mary! Off with you, you blithering fool! The scene was a fullblown comedy of errors, and the wedding plans fell apart.
Len, a Taurus, Earthsign like Kates other suitor, was notoriously sensitive. Then Kate met Peter a divorced, childfree, handsome, fairly welloff, educated man with a good sense of humour and a tidy onebed flat. He was a Virgo, another Earth sign known for thrift and carefulness perfect for a future family.
They applied to move in together; Peter even offered to be registered on Kates tenancy. Why? Kate asked. Youre already registered at your place! I get why youd need an address if you had none, but now? Peter replied, Because we love each other and want to be a family, so everything should be shared! Kate recalled a joke: Rewrite the lease in my name, please! Oh, sorry wrong start. Do you believe in God? Their love story kicked off like any modern romance.
Peter agreed, Alright! after a pause, You spoke beautifully about love, family, sharing. Ill register you, youll register me. Where? he asked. In my flat were now one. But you dont live there! Peter protested after a moments thought. Kate, quick as ever, suggested, Then well alternate months yours one month, mine the next! She realised she was still left with an empty spot, a blank canvas.
Peter fell silent, unable to conjure a clever retort. So? Kate pressed, eyes on his onceconfident face. Seems sensible! she added. He stared at the absurdity of registering a stranger in his own flat. In the end, Peters greed for property and money showed through; he was painfully stingy.
Both were at a loss for how to proceed; pretending nothing happened was no longer possible. Kate left the kitchen for the living room while they dined, leaving Peter to sort his own thoughts. After a few minutes, he asked, Kate, shall we go to the cinema? Sure, she replied, relieved that he wasnt angry after all, hed already paid a deposit for a restaurant booking.
She then asked, Will you still register me, Pete? Im not sure we finished that conversation. He looked away, shuffled, and left. She didnt chase him; the wedding never materialised, and the conversation died before the registration.
Is this how it goes for everyone? Some do get married. Two of Kates three friends did one for six months, another for a year. The third, like a joke, drifted along. Kate herself had lived with a few commonlaw partners for over a month each, and there was love there too, albeit not the textbook kind.
Love, as they say in some unfriendly lands, isnt just feelings; its deeds. Most of Kates suitors werent truly in love with her. There are no bad people? theyd ask. Even though she didnt meet Aries or Lions, the men were all similar in their own ways.
It hurt, sure, but not fatal, dear Kate. By the time shed crossed thirty, she stopped obsessing over marriage. Shed been promoted at work, swapped her grannys tiny flat for a cosy twobedroom, bought a used foreign car, and taken a short holiday. She concluded life was going well.
Nowadays, women can bear children up to sixty, so for herself is still on the table. And sausages? Theyre everywhere, in endless varieties. So Kate, with a smile, stepped into the next chapter, content with the choices shed made.
