“You really have no sense at all. Can’t you see how badly James is getting on? He’s your brother; you could have helped him. All you ever think about is yourself.”
A few weeks ago my mum rang me up and asked me to collect all my things from her flat.
“There’s hardly any room left to move around because of your stuff,” she said.
She only said that after I turned down my brother James’s request for cash to put down a deposit on a house. I wasn’t going to lend him the money I knew full well he would never pay it back.
When I said no, James stormed out of my flat, fuming. He was convinced I was going to hand over every penny I had, using the excuse that he has a wife and children, whereas I don’t.
I need to get this off my chest because I feel my family is treating me unfairly, especially with the holidays looming.
When I moved to Leeds for university, I started a parttime job straight away.
At first I lived in halls of residence, then I rented a flat with a friend. I didn’t want to rely on mum and dad, so I made sure I could support myself and still chip in for my mother.
Mum never took money directly from me; instead she always asked me to bring back useful things a coat, a pair of shoes, a few household items. Every time I visited, I arrived with bags full of groceries.
Mum lives in a threebedroom flat with James. Our father passed away three years ago.
James never cared much for education. After finishing school he went to work in the Netherlands, and the only thing he managed to buy there was an old car. When he came back to the UK he took a job as a taxi driver.
Later he got married and moved into mum’s flat with his wife, Claire.
Money has always been a problem for them; James lives handtomouth. As soon as they get their wages, they spend it all.
Mum and Claire’s parents regularly helped them out financially. James got used to the idea that someone would always bail him, so he never made any effort to earn more or improve his finances.
Now James and Claire have two kids, with a third on the way.
They decided Mum’s flat was getting too cramped and started looking at buying a place of their own.
I live with my partner, Thomas, in a rented flat. We’re planning to get married, but we’ve postponed the wedding until things are more settled. Our incomes are steady Thomas works as a software engineer and I run a few online shops.
We don’t splurge on unnecessary things and we’re saving for a house of our own so we can be independent after we tie the knot.
Mum knew about our plans, yet she still hinted to James that he could ask me for help.
“They want to buy a house but they don’t have the deposit,” Mum told me.
When James came over and asked straight out for cash, I said no.
He was livid. He thought I owed him something simply because he has a family and I don’t.
Later Mum called again and said:
“You really have no conscience. Can’t you see how hard James is struggling? He’s your brother; you could have helped him. All you ever think about is yourself.”
She added:
“Come and collect your things from our flat. We can barely get around because of your mess. And don’t even think about coming for Christmas. James is angry with you, and I don’t want to see you either.”
I didn’t argue. I’ll gather my belongings and find a spot for them in our rented flat. When Thomas and I finally buy our own house, I’ll put them there.
I could have lent my brother the money, but I know he would never have paid it back. He didn’t even ask for a loan he just expected me to hand over all my savings because he has children.
What would you have done in a situation like this?
