28December 2025
Ive been told I have no conscience. Cant you see how hard Michael is having it? Hes your brother, you could have helped him, my mother scolded. Youre only thinking of yourself.
A few weeks ago Margaret called, asking me to collect all my belongings from her flat. We can barely get around the hallway because of your stuff, she said.
The argument came after I turned down Michaels request for cash to put down a deposit on a flat. I didnt want to *give* him money I knew hed never pay it back, so a loan would have been pointless.
When I said no, Michael stormed out of my flat, furious. He was convinced Id simply hand over every penny Id saved, just because he has a wife and children while I dont.
I need to get this off my chest; my familys behavior feels terribly unfair, especially with the holidays looming.
When I moved to Leeds for university, I started a parttime job straight away. At first I lived in halls, then I rented a flat with a friend. I didnt want to rely on my parents, so I made ends meet and sent a little extra home to help Mom. She never accepted cash directly; instead shed ask me to bring useful things clothes, shoes, household items. Every time I visited, Id arrive with bags full of groceries.
Mom now lives in a threebedroom flat with Michael. Our father passed away three years ago.
Michael never cared much for education. After school he went to work in the Netherlands, and the only thing he managed to buy there was an old car. Back in England he became a taxi driver. Later he married Poppy and moved into Moms flat with her.
Theyve always struggled financially because Michael lives paycheck to paycheck. As soon as they get their wages, they spend them straight away. Mom and Poppys parents regularly chipped in to keep them afloat. Knowing theres always someone to bail them out, Michael never tried to earn more or improve his situation.
Now Michael and Poppy have two children, and a third on the way. Theyve decided Moms flat is too cramped and are thinking of buying their own place.
I live with my partner Thomas in a rented flat. We plan to marry, but have postponed the wedding until the timing is right. Our incomes are steady Thomas works as a software engineer, and I run several online shops. Were careful with our spending, saving for a house of our own so we can be independent after we tie the knot.
Mom knew about our plans, yet she hinted to Michael that he could ask me for help.
They want to buy a flat but have no money for the deposit, Mom said to me.
When Michael came over and asked straight out for cash, I said no. He flew off, thinking I owed him simply because he has a family and I dont.
Later Mom called again, her voice sharp:
You really have no conscience. Cant you see how hard Michael is having it? Hes your brother, you could have helped him. You only think of yourself.
She added, Come collect your things from our flat. We cant get around because of your mess. Dont even think about coming for Christmas. Michaels angry with you, and I dont want to see you either.
I didnt argue. Ill pack my stuff and find a place for it in our rented flat. When Thomas and I finally buy our own house, Ill put it there.
I could have lent Michael money, but I know hed never pay it back. He never even asked for a loan he simply expected me to hand over all my savings because he has children.
How would I have reacted? I realise now that protecting my own future isnt selfish; its necessary. The lesson I take away is that love must be balanced with selfrespect, and I cannot pour from an empty cup.
