The man Ive always dreamed of has left his wife for me, and I never imagined how it would end. I first admire him back at university in Manchester. It feels like a blind, naïve love, and when he finally notices me I lose my mind. Honestly, this happens a few years after I graduate we both end up working at the same firm in London, a fintech startup, since we share the same specialty. I tell myself its destiny.
He seems like the exact gentleman Ive pictured. At the time I dont mind that hes already married. Ive never been married myself, so I cant picture a marriage collapsing, and I feel no shame when Paul Whitaker decides to quit his wife for me. No one could have guessed the pain that would follow. As the saying goes, you cant build your happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chooses me, Im on cloud nine and ready to forgive anything. Yet daytoday he isnt the charming prince he appears to be in public. His belongings litter the flat, and he flatout refuses to wash the dishes. Every household chore falls on my shoulders, but I dont mind at that point.
He quickly forgets his former marriage. They never had children, and it turns out his parents had pushed him into that union. With me, he insists everything will be different.
My happiness is shortlived because everything changes when I find out Im pregnant. At first Paul is overjoyed about the baby. We even organise a big family gathering to celebrate, and everyone wishes us love and good health for the little one.
That evening remains one of my fondest memories, and I have no regrets about it. But from that moment my blind affection starts to dim.
The larger my belly gets, the less often I see Paul. Im on maternity leave, so we only meet late at night. He stays later at the office and attends more corporate afterhours events. At first it doesnt bother me, but soon it wears me down. Household tasks become harder when I cant simply bend down to pick up his socks scattered around.
I begin to wonder whether we rushed into having a child. I know feelings can fade over time, yet I didnt expect it to happen so quickly. Paul still brings me flowers and chocolate, but all I want is his presence.
It soon becomes clear his frequent outings arent innocent. A colleague mentions in passing that a new young employee has joined our department. Were already shortstaffed, and when I go on maternity leave the workload becomes critical. How ironic.
Im not certain its her, but Paul definitely has someone else; he never has a free minute. Work, meetings, or another office party always fill his schedule. One day I find a slip of paper in the pocket of his jacket with initials I dont recognize. I dont know why, but I tuck it back and pretend I didnt see it.
Being alone in my seventh month of pregnancy is terrifying, and Paul keeps complaining that Ive become too nervous. Every argument ends with a sigh of disappointment from him. Somehow I realise that if I raise the issue Ill end up alone. The fear of losing him is so strong I can think of nothing else. They say if you fear something enough, it can become a reality.
No matter how elegantly Paul courted me, hes far from a gentleman. The worst words I ever hear are, Im not ready to have a child, and, I have someone else. I cant even recall exactly how he said it, but at that moment I think Im losing my mind.
I never thought I could find the strength to ask for a divorce. He didnt expect me to stop tolerating his behaviour, nor that I would throw all his things out the next day. Im relieved we rent a flat, so I dont have to fight over ownership.
And the baby? What will you do? he asks.
Ill figure it out. Ill work from home, and my parents have always offered help. Mum warned me he was a bit of a lothario I should have listened.
Probably the responsibility toward my future son gives me confidence. Alone, I would never have had the courage to leave. I also realise I dont want to raise a child with a father like him. His betrayal is so cowardly that I want nothing more to do with him, as if a veil lifts from my eyes.
The first months after the divorce, including the birth, are extremely hard. I move back in with my parents in Bristol, which delights my grandparents who are thrilled to have a grandson. I cant say I dont miss Paul at all, but I try not to think about him. Deep down I know I made the right choice and can give my son everything he needs.
Then, suddenly, he reappears. Paul says he regrets everything and wants to meet his son. Do I want that? Maybe I should even consider moving to another city, perhaps Edinburgh, to start anew.
