The man I had worshipped since university finally left his wife for me, and I never imagined how it would end. I had first seen him lecturing in the History department at Oxford, and I was instantly smittennaïve, blind, utterly unconditional. When his eyes finally lingered on me, I lost my mind. It happened, to be honest, a few years after I graduated; we both landed jobs at the same firm in London. Our specialties matched, which wasnt unusual, but I told myself it was fate.
He seemed the very embodiment of the man Id always dreamed of. At the time, I didnt mind that he was already married. I had never been married myself, so I didnt understand what it felt like to watch a marriage crumble. Thats why I felt no shame when Paul decided to abandon his wife for me. Who could have guessed the heartbreak it would bring? As the saying goes, you cant build your happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chose me, I was on cloudnine, ready to forgive anything. Yet in everyday life he was far from the charming prince he appeared to be in the office. His belongings littered every corner of our flat, and he flatout refused to wash the dishes. All the household chores fell on my shoulders, but back then I didnt care.
He quickly erased his previous marriage from his mind. They hadnt had children, and it turned out his parents had pressured him into it. With me, he promised everything would be differentthats what he kept telling me.
My bliss was shortlived. Everything changed the moment I discovered I was pregnant. At first Paul was overthemoon about the baby. We even threw a big family gathering to announce the news, and everyone poured out wishes for love and health for our little one.
That evening remains one of my brightest memories. I regret nothing when I look back, but from that point on my blind love began to dim.
The more my belly swelled, the less often I saw Paul. I was on maternity leave, and we only met late at night. He stayed late at the office, attended endless corporate parties, and the occasional afterwork drinks. At first it didnt bother me, but soon the exhaustion set in. Simple tasks like picking up his socks became mountain climbs when I could no longer bend easily.
I kept wondering whether wed rushed into this child. I knew feelings could fade, but I hadnt expected it to happen so fast. Paul still brought flowers and chocolate, yet all I wanted was his presence.
It soon became obvious his frequent outings werent innocent. A colleague whispered that a new young employee had just joined our department. Staffing was already thin, and when I went on leave the shortage grew critical. The irony was bitter.
I wasnt sure it was her, but Paul certainly had someone elsehe never had a free minute. Whether it was work, a meeting, or another corporate soirée, his calendar was full. One day I found a scrap of paper in his jacket pocket with initials I didnt recognize. I cant say why I put it back, but I pretended not to see.
Being alone at seven months pregnant was terrifying, and Paul kept complaining that Id become too nervous. Every argument ended with his sigh of disappointment. I realized that if I raised the issue, I would end up alone. The fear of losing him grew so strong I could think of nothing else. They say if you fear something too much, it can become reality.
No matter how elegantly Paul had courted me, he was no gentleman. The worst words I ever heard were, Im not ready to have a child, and, I have someone else. I cant even recall exactly how he said them; I thought I was losing my mind.
I never believed I could summon the strength to ask for a divorce. He, too, seemed surprised that I wouldnt tolerate his behaviour any longer. The next morning I tossed all his belongings out onto the street. I was grateful we lived in a rented flatat least I didnt have to share it with anyone else.
And the baby? What will you do with him?
Ill find a way. Ill work from home, and my parents have always offered help. My mother warned me he was a bit of a Lothario I should have listened.
Responsibility for my unborn son gave me the confidence I never had before. Alone, I would never have found the courage to leave.
I also realized I didnt want to raise a child with a father like him. His betrayal was so cowardly that I wanted nothing more to do with him. It was as if a veil lifted from my eyes.
The months after the divorce, including the birth, were a nightmare. I moved back in with my parents in Manchester, which delighted my grandparentsthey were thrilled to have a grandson. I cant say I didnt miss Paul at all, but I tried not to think about him. Deep down I knew Id made the right choice and that I could give my son everything he needed.
And then, out of nowhere, he reappeared.
It turns out Paul is full of remorse. He wants to meet his son. Do I want that? Perhaps I should even move to another citymaybe Birmingham or Edinburghto start fresh. The question hangs, heavy as a storm cloud, over the only life Ive ever truly known.
