Id always admired him from the lecture halls at the University of Manchester, and by the time we both ended up at the same office a tidy little firm called TechSolutions Ltd I was convinced he was my destined partner. It felt like a textbook case of naïve, blind love, and when he finally turned his attention my way, I lost my head completely. It wasnt exactly fresh out of university; a few years after graduating we found ourselves in the same department, which wasnt odd at all, but I liked to tell myself it was fate.
He seemed to be the bloke Id been dreaming about all my life, and at that point I didnt mind that he was already married. Id never been hitched myself, so the idea of a marriage collapsing didnt even register. Thats why I felt no shame when Paul Whitaker decided to leave his wife for me. Who could have guessed that would bring me such heartache? As they say, you cant build your happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chose me, I was on cloud nine and ready to forgive any transgression. In everyday life, though, he wasnt the charming prince the office gossip made him out to be. His stuff was strewn everywhere in the flat, and he adamantly refused to lift a finger for the dishes. All the housework fell on my shoulders, but at the time I didnt mind a whit.
He quickly erased his former marriage from his mind. There were no kids, and it turned out his parents had pushed him into that union. With me, he kept promising that things would be different so he said.
My bliss was shortlived, though, because everything shifted when I discovered I was pregnant. At first Paul was over the moon about the baby. We even threw a proper family bash to celebrate, and everyone sent us wishes for love and good health for our future child.
That evening remains one of my fondest memories, and I have no regrets looking back. But from that point onward, my blind affection began to dim.
The bigger my belly got, the rarer Pauls appearances became. On maternity leave we only met late at night. He stayed late at the office more often, attending endless corporate soirées. At first I brushed it off, but soon it wore me down. The chores grew harder; I could no longer simply bend down to pick up his socks littered around the flat.
I started wondering whether wed rushed into the baby. I knew feelings could wane, but I hadnt expected it to happen so quickly. Paul still brought me flowers and chocolates, yet all I wanted was his presence.
It didnt take long for his frequent outings to look suspicious. A colleague mentioned in passing that a new young recruit had joined our department. Staffing was already thin, and when I went on maternity leave the workload became a crisis. How deliciously ironic.
I wasnt certain it was her, but it was clear Paul had someone else, because he never seemed to have a free minute. Either work, a meeting, or another office party something always pulled him away. One day I found a scrap of paper in his jacket pocket with initials I didnt recognise. I cant say what drove me to tuck it back, but I pretended not to have seen it.
Being alone at seven months pregnant was terrifying, and Paul kept complaining that Id become too nervous. Every argument ended with a sigh of disappointment from him. I realised that if I raised the issue, Id probably end up on my own. The fear of losing him was so strong I couldnt think of anything else. As the saying goes, fear can make a prophecy come true.
No matter how elegantly Paul had courted me, he was no gentleman. The worst things I ever heard were, Im not ready for a child, and Ive got someone else. I cant even recall the exact wording, but at the time I thought I was losing my mind.
I never imagined Id have the courage to ask for a divorce. He certainly didnt expect me to draw a line and, the very next day, fling his belongings out of the flat. I was actually relieved we were renting at least I didnt have to share the place.
And the baby? What will you do? he asked.
Ill sort it out. Ill work from home, and my parents have always offered help. Mum warned me he was a bit of a philanderer I shouldve listened, I replied.
It was probably the responsibility toward my unborn son that gave me the backbone to leave. Alone, I never would have mustered the nerve. I also realised I didnt want to raise a child with a father like him. His betrayal was so cowardly that I wanted nothing more to do with him, as if a curtain had been pulled from my eyes.
The first months after the divorce, including the birth, were a nightmare. I moved back in with my parents, which delighted my grandparents they were thrilled to have a grandson. I cant say I dont miss Paul at all, but I try not to dwell on it. Deep down Im sure I made the right choice and that I can give my son everything he needs.
Then, out of the blue, he resurfaced. He now claims hes deeply remorseful and wants to meet his son. Do I want that? Maybe its time to consider moving to another city entirely perhaps a fresh start in Brighton? The thought of his return is amusingly absurd, yet I cant help wondering what the next chapter holds.
