26October2025
Im exhausted endless nights out, onenight flings, a parade of dates that never turned into anything. When I met Emily, brighteyed, witty and surprisingly wellread, I felt a flicker of something real. We drifted into a little café in Camden, listened to a busker on his battered guitar, swapped stories about my recent promotion and her love for contemporary poetry. When we discovered we both insisted on a Christmas salad with sliced apples, I thought, Thats a sign we should keep going.
Emily invited me to her flat in Notting Hill for dinner. I pulled on my best shirt, shaved, memorised a couple of odd verses from one of her favourite poets, and bought a bunch of roses and a bottle of cheap red. I left the house feeling buoyant, like a sparrow on a gust. My confidence could have made a cat jealous the sort that circles its bowl fifteen times a day. Everything seemed planned down to the last detail, except for that one odd line: Good evening, Im James. My mums in the shower, come on in.
I stopped dead in my tracks. A squarejawed, boyish face hovered over me, the sort of face that could easily envelop my head with a single palm. At first I thought Id the wrong address, but then James let out a loud, comical sneeze, nose pinched shut, just as Emily does when shes trying not to cough. No doubt then I was in the right place. My mood started to wilt, the wine turned sour, the roses drooped.
Inside, James sneakers caught my eye they were so massive they could have been worn over my own shoes and still fit. Emily, barely reaching my waist, seemed a whole childs height away. I thought how odd it was that women never seemed to treat gold the way they should give a ring and, ten years later, youve got a wedding band. I drifted into the kitchen where the table was already set and James was swapping curtains without a stool.
Five minutes and Im out of the shower, a voice called from the bathroom.
Five rounds of five minutes later, the door finally opened and Emily glided out in a cocktail dress, her makeup glowing. She saw the sour expression on my face, instantly understood, and the nervous excitement evaporated along with any romantic spark.
She placed the plates and wine on the table without waiting for me, and began to eat.
Why didnt you tell me you had a child? I managed, feeling cheated.
Scared of the trailer? she replied with a wry smile.
Its not a trailer, its a whole train.
The big one, right? Hes from a remote village up north, tougher than most lads, once wrestled a bear with bare hands.
And where is he now? I swallowed hard.
Out on a gig with that bear, he left us for a big stage. Sometimes he writes letters, but the handwriting looks like the bears own.
How old is he? I gestured toward the wall.
Fourteen, just got his passport.
Strong?
Very funny.
We ate in silence; conversation stalled.
More meat? I asked, extending my plate.
Like it?
Honestly, Ive never tasted anything better. What is this?
Venison. James cooked it.
Wow, hes a talent.
It runs in the family, along with an old cookbook, a set of knives, fishing rods, a boat, and other junk hes hoarded.
A boat? I choked on my words.
Yes, its in the basement. Sometimes its there, sometimes not. The sons an avid angler.
Emilys phone buzzed; she excused herself to answer.
I thought, Time to head home, since there was nothing left for me here.
Tom, could you do me a favour? Emily returned, looking a little frazzled. Theres an accident at work. Could you sit with James for a couple of hours?
Me? With James? Why?
Hes underage, you never know what might happen. People are wandering the flats right now
Youre afraid hell be snatched?
Anyway, she changed tone, Ill pay you for the lost evening and for babysitting. Then I wont call again, agreed?
What am I supposed to do with him?
Youre men, chat about football or whatever, then Ill be off.
I couldnt answer before Emily was out the door, a bag over her shoulder. I lingered in the kitchen, drained my phone, finished the meat, and the wine. Emily never came back.
Eventually I reached James bedroom door and heard familiar sounds from behind it.
It cant be, I thought, and knocked.
Open, a voice answered.
I nudged the door open and entered the childrens room. The first thing that struck me was a large wooden target studded with knives and arrows no holes in the walls, the arrows always hit their mark. A vinyl record player sat on a table, quietly playing Iron Maiden, a band I love. James was in a corner, tinkering with fishing gear. On a shelf were trophies, a boxing bag hung from the ceiling, and a brandnew gaming console lay beside the TV.
Your mum does a decent job, I muttered enviously. Id always dreamed of a room like that.
I work in summer, James replied, making me feel a little ashamed. I imagined Emily scrambling for endless cash for her kid, while he seemed selfsufficient.
Do you have a charger for my phone? I asked, holding it up.
Its near the railway, James pointed.
The railway? I repeated, stunned, then turned to see a genuine set of tracks outside the window, taking my breath away.
You built that yourself? I whispered.
Yeah, I keep buying bits to add a second level and a few bridges. A new box of rails arrived yesterday, but I havent found the time to install them.
Heat rose to my cheeks.
Can I run the train? I asked.
One minute, he said, setting the gear aside, stretching to his full height, and crossing the room in one stride.
***
Emily returned about an hour later, certain Id vanished, and rushed straight to the boys room, where she found James and me assembling the railway. It was hard to tell who was older.
Tom, you should go home, she whispered.
Umm right, I leapt up. What time is it?
Half past eleven, she yawned, weary. I have another emergency at work tomorrow, so I need sleep.
She escorted me to the door, kissed my cheek, and handed me a few notes.
I dont take money from women, I said, looking away.
Alright, thanks for watching my trailer, she replied.
I gave a brief smile and walked out.
***
A couple of days later I called, Hey, could I pop by again?
Its hectic at work, not much time for dating, and after our last meeting
Can I still see James?
James? Emily sounded puzzled.
Yes, I could keep an eye on the little one.
Im not sure Id have to ask him.
Ive already messaged him. Hes fine. I bought a new game for his Xbox, well play quietly while you go about your business.
Alright, come over tonight.
That evening I arrived in a completely different guise no shirt, no perfume, no wine, just a plain black tee with my favourite band, a backpack stuffed with crisps and cola, and a boyish grin.
Just keep it down Ive got a twohour video call soon, Emily greeted me in a soft bathrobe, a cloth mask covering her face, the faint scent of onions lingering.
I nodded and slipped into the childrens room.
Emily later tried to pry James and me apart as we argued over Balabanov versus Guy Ritchie, each defending his favourite director. They were about to start a sixhour movie marathon when Emily intervened, calling us both victims of poor taste, and ushered me toward the exit.
Dont forget to buy bait for Saturday! James shouted from the room.
What bait? Emily asked, eyeing me.
Were going pike. I told James theres a shop with excellent bait. I havent fished in a century.
You two are proper mates. Want to spend time with me?
You can come, slice the sandwiches, James offered.
Fine, Ive got nothing better to do. Go on, fish away, Emily said, pushing me out. Work eats up all my time anyway. At least the kids occupied.
***
A month passed. Emily threw herself into her job, no room left for romance. Meanwhile James and I built the railway, went crabpotting, brewed a traditional brew from an old family recipe, and he taught me how to read a map in the woods. I, in turn, showed him the basics of flirting and helped him ask a girl from his class out. Everything ran smoothly until one night a knock rattled the front door, and a cascade of lights fell from the ceiling.
Emily opened it to a wave of bearmeat aroma. On the doorstep stood her exhusband, Thomas, and Jamess father, both towering over her.
I finally get it, Thomas said, kneeling, still a head taller than Emily. Potap and I are tired, we want a quiet family life. Ive saved enough money, Ill take you and James back to the village. Youll quit your job, well fish and hunt together.
Ha! Youre a comedian. Ten years and you finally realise that? Your bear has decided to rejoin the family too?
No Actually, I signed a contract with a film studio behind my back, Thomas muttered.
So thats why, Emily crossed her arms, you just threw me away.
It doesnt matter! The main thing is Im
He was cut off as Thomas stepped into the hallway, where I stood in Emilys oversized hoodie.
Emily, I took your hoodie because mine got stained while repainting Jamess little train, I announced.
Someone finish a sentence around here? Emily asked, eyeing the two men.
Whos that? Thomas snarled, fist aimed at my head.
Its its Emily stammered.
James burst from the room, slamming Thomass arm against the wall until he howled.
This is a trailer! James hissed.
James! Son! Its me, Dad! What trailer? Thomas gasped, clutching his side.
Its just the trailer that helps us move all the stuff you left behind, James said.
But I didnt leave anything, Thomas muttered, realizing his own words.
Emily and I huddled in a corner, watching the two giants grapple.
Alright, alright, break, Thomas shouted, finally releasing his grip. Youre a good lad. Maybe we can go hunting tomorrow, talk about lost time? Im a father, after all.
Emily looked between Thomas and me, unsure what to say.
Yes, I get it, I nodded, gathering my coat.
Sorry
***
The next morning Thomas and James left at dawn, and James returned alone late that night.
Wheres my dad? Emily asked, irritated.
Hes gone, he said, slipping off his shoes.
What do you mean gone? Just walked off?
Not exactly, James shook his head. He took the bear in the trailer, drove off to train it, found a new partner for performances, dropped me off in town and vanished.
Stupid me, Emily muttered, slapping her forehead. I should call Tom
Dont. I just said goodbye to him. He gave me a lift home. He promised to drop by tomorrow.
How did he know where to pick me up?
He said hed been keeping an eye on us, making sure we were okay.
And he said hes attached to us now, and probably never will detach again
I close this entry feeling the weight of all the absurdities, the tangled lives, and the lingering scent of bear meat in the hallway. The whole mess feels like a train thats lost its last carriage, yet somehow keeps chugging along. I suppose tomorrow will bring another platform to step onto.
