So you mean Dad wants to come back? Mary didnt quite catch what her son, Alex, was getting at. Its been nearly fifteen years since we officially became strangers after the divorce.
Thats how it is, Alex fumbled for the right words. I get it, people make a lot of mistakes when theyre young, but now theres nothing left to split.
Theres nothing at all between us, except you, Mary said, a little baffled. You and Poppy are grownups now, you have your own families and you decide who to talk to. What does that make me?
Dad just figured you wouldnt want to hear him, so he asked me and my sister to smooth things over, Alex tried to explain. It would have been easier for Poppy and me if we knew you were still living together and looking out for each other.
Mary was still processing when her daughter, Lucy, rang and reopened the same sore topic.
Mum, you have to understand, its our father and hes not well, Lucy begged.
When he was young and full of vigor, he never even remembered I existed. Now, all of a sudden, hes reaching out, Mary kept her voice steady. Perhaps youve forgotten he walked out on me and you two years ago for another woman!
Theyve been apart for ages, and it would be nice for you both to live together now that youre getting on in years, Daisy, the aunt, interjected, trying to steer the conversation.
The chat left Mary feeling heavyhearted. Shed given everything to the marriage, never tried to rebuild after the split for fear of hurting the kids, whod each endured their parents separation right at the brink of adolescence. Now it seemed they were speaking entirely different languages and barely hearing one another. A memory of the day Alan left resurfaced, making things even worse.
You know, I dont love you any more, he had said then, averting his eyes. Ive found someone else, and I want to spend the rest of my days with her.
What about the children? Mary had asked, voice trembling.
Youll live just as before, just without me, he replied. The house stays with you. Ill see the kids now and then and help with money where I can, but I dont love you any longer.
Have you thought about how theyll take your departure at our age? Mary still couldnt swallow his words.
Theyll manage. Let them learn how adult life works. Its not right to live without love, sorry, he said, closing the conversation.
Alan kept his promise: he didnt claim the house in the settlement and settled into his new partners flat. He met the kids only on neutral ground, too shy to step into Marys former home, and his new girlfriend never invited them over. Mary once tried to explain the divorce to son and daughter, but they shied away from the details.
Dad told us it was his decision and asked us to respect it, Alex said a few years later, suddenly grownup. Its tough with Poppy, but eventually things will smooth out.
For Mary, nothing smoothed out. She missed her ex, wept into her pillow at night, and turned down friends suggestions to set her up with anyone else. He was a ghost who only resurfaced to call about the kids.
Were heading off on holiday, and I left the fishing rods on the loft, Alan said over the phone one Saturday. Can I swing by on Sunday to pick them up? I asked the kids to bring them, but they didnt know where Id stashed them.
Sure, come on, Mary answered as calmly as she could.
She spent the whole week counting down to that Saturday, rehearsing what shed say. She wanted to show Alan she could live just fine without him, perhaps even meet him in grand fashion. Then she thought it might look ridiculous and backed off.
Youve lost weight, she remarked, watching Alan pack his boxes. Does your new wife not feed you?
She does, I just work a lot, he muttered, avoiding the subject.
If you need, I could cook for you or pass on my favourite recipes, Mary blurted, aware how silly it sounded but unable to stop herself.
Sarcasm isnt your style, Alan sighed, weary. Were strangers now. Well always share the kids, maybe grandchildren, and thats it.
Are you sure about that? Mary asked, hopeful.
Absolutely, he replied firmly.
He then left for his new wifes place, while Mary sat alone in the kitchen, tears of selfpity spilling over. In the year after the divorce shed dropped a stones weight, then tried to pull herself together. She put on a brave face, but deep down she clung to the hope that Alan would have a change of heart and come back. She knew people would judge, yet she was ready to forgive and forget the past.
Dad and his woman split up, the children told Mary three years later. Hes moved into a shared flat in Manchester.
That news oddly revived a flicker of hope for Alans return. Mary started dressing sharply, kept a strict beauty regime, and waited for his first move. Friends laughed, saying shed made a hobby of her love life, but Mary brushed it off with jokes. She waited, Alan didnt return, and eventually he settled with another woman. He even attended his sons wedding, but showed up alone at Poppys.
Why alone? Mary asked.
Irina was on a business trip, couldnt make it, but sent her regards, he answered calmly.
With time Mary looked at the whole mess differently, stopped waiting, and found solace in work and a cosy cottage out in the country. Her children now had their own lives; she filled hers with friends, relatives, flowers, and even a rescued tomcat she named Whiskers. Life settled into a comfortable rhythm, until a sudden conversation with the kids threw her off balance again. A few days of doubt passed, and then, as she was pulling the kettle, she spotted Alan slipping down the block after work.
You know, I figured we should leave the bad stuff behind, he said, tea in hand. Most of our lives are behind us now, the negatives have grown like weeds, and theres no point rehashing them. Lets make the most of whats left, maybe raise some grandkids together.
Honestly, why come back to our flat instead of staying with any of your new partners? Mary asked, no longer pretending to be delighted.
Health isnt what it used to be, Im retiring next year, he answered straight. Our kids are good people; they wont let you down, even in old age theyll bring you a glass of water.
Do you remember saying we were strangers? she said, meeting his eyes. I only got that much later, but now I agree with you completely.
So you wont take me back? he asked.
Dont worry, you said the kids are solid, theyll never abandon you, Mary replied. You crossed me out of your life ages ago, let it stay that way.
Alan left again, and Mary settled back into her favourite armchair, switched off her phone, knowing hed soon ring the kids, and the endless questions would start again. All she wanted now was quiet and peace. Shed waited for his return so long that the hope finally burnt out. If he had whispered a desire to grow old together, perhaps shed have taken him back. But he was only thinking of his own comfort now, and no one fancied consoling Mary. With her children, friends, cottage, and Whiskers, she felt it was more than enough.
