That was her first word.
Another baby girl? Youre joking, arent you? Eleanor Miller tossed the ultrasound printout onto the kitchen table. Four generations of men in our clan have worked on the railway, and what have you brought home?
Poppy, Emily whispered, rubbing her belly. Were calling her Poppy.
Poppy, her motherinlaw said, stretching out a hand. At least its a proper name. What good will she do? Whos going to need your Poppy?
Michael stayed glued to his phone, silent. When Emily asked his opinion, he just shrugged. What youve got, youve got. Maybe the next one will be a boy.
Emily felt a knot tighten inside. Next one? Was this little one just a rehearsal?
Poppy arrived in Januarytiny, huge eyes, a mop of dark hair. Michael showed up only for the discharge, bearing a bunch of carnations and a bag of baby stuff.
Beautiful, he said, peeking gently into the pram. She looks just like you.
And that nose of yours, Emily teased, and that stubborn chin.
Enough, Michael waved off. All babies look the same at that age.
Eleanor met them at the door with a sour expression. Neighbour Mrs. Valentine asked if it was a grandson or a granddaughter. Embarrassing to answer, she muttered. At my age Im still playing with dolls
Emily curled up in the nursery and let a quiet sob escape, pressing the baby tighter to her chest.
Michaels hours kept lengthening. He picked up extra shifts on nearby lines, taking overtime wherever he could. The familys pricey, especially with a little one, hed say, coming home late, exhausted, and quiet.
Shes waiting for you, Emily would say whenever he passed the nursery without even glancing inside. Poppy always perks up when she hears your footsteps.
Im knackered, Em. Im getting up early for work tomorrow.
But you havent even said hello to her
Shes tiny, she wont get it.
But Poppy understood. Emily watched the baby turn her head toward the door the moment Michaels steps echoed, then stare into nothing once they faded.
When Poppy was eight months she fell ill. First her temperature hit 38°C, then 39°C. Emily called an ambulance, but the doctor said they could manage at home with paracetamol. By morning it spiked to 40°C.
Michael, get up! Emily shouted, shaking him. Poppys really badly off!
What time is it? Michael squinted awake.
Seven. Ive been up all night with her. We need to get to the hospital.
Is it that early? Can we wait until the evening? Ive got an important shift today
Emily stared at him as if he were a stranger.
Your daughters burning up, and youre worrying about a shift?
Shes not dying! Kids get sick all the time.
Emily ordered a taxi herself.
At the hospital they whisked Poppy straight to the infection ward. They suspected a serious inflammation and wanted a spinal tap.
Wheres the father? the senior nurse asked. We need both parents consent for the procedure.
He works. Hell be here soon.
Emily tried calling Michael all day. His phone stayed dead. At seven that evening he finally picked up.
Em, Im at the depot, busy
Michael, Poppys got meningitis! We need your consent for the tap! The doctors are waiting!
What? A tap? I dont understand
Come now!
I cant, Ive got a shift until eleven. Then Ive got an arrangement with the lads”
Emily hung up, the line dead.
In the end, the mothers signature was enoughshe had the legal right. They did the tap under general anaesthetic. Poppy looked so tiny on the big operating table.
The results come tomorrow, the doctor said. If its meningitis, treatment will be lengthyabout a month and a half in hospital.
Emily stayed the night at the ward. Poppy lay under an IV, pale and still, chest rising weakly.
Michael appeared the next day for lunch, looking gaunt and tired.
Hows it going? he asked, hesitant to step into the room.
Bad, Emily replied shortly. The lab results arent back yet.
What did they do to her? The whats her name
Spinal tap. They took fluid from her spine for testing.
Michael went pale.
Did it hurt her?
She was under anaesthetic, didnt feel a thing.
He moved closer to the cot and froze. Poppy slept, a tiny hand draped over the blanket, a catheter glued to her wrist.
Shes so small, Michael muttered. I never imagined
Emily said nothing.
The tests came back cleanno meningitis, just a nasty viral infection with complications. She could be treated at home under a doctors watch.
Lucky us, the senior nurse said. A day or two longer and it could have been worse.
On the drive home Michael was silent. Only when they pulled up to the house did he whisper, Am I really that bad as a dad?
Emily adjusted the sleeping baby and looked at him.
What do you think?
I thought thered be plenty of time. That she was too little to understand anything. But when I saw her there with all those tubes I realised I could lose her. And that loss… it hit hard.
Michael, she needs a father, not just a breadwinner. A dad who knows her name, who can tell you what her favourite toys are.
What are they? he asked softly.
A rubber hedgehog and a little rattling bell. When you get home, she crawls to the door, waiting for you to pick her up.
Michael dropped his head. I didnt know
Now you do.
At home Poppy woke and let out a soft, plaintive whimper. Michael instinctively reached for her, then paused.
May I? he asked Emily.
Shes your daughter.
He lifted her gently. She sniffed and then fell quiet, studying his face with big, serious eyes.
Hey there, little one, Michael whispered. Im sorry I wasnt there when you were scared.
Poppy tugged his hand to her cheek and pressed a kiss to his lip. Michael felt a strange tightness in his throat.
Dad, she said clearly.
That was her first word.
Michael stared at Emily, eyes wide.
She she said it?
For a week shes been trying, love, Emily laughed. Just when youre not home. She was waiting for the right moment.
That night, after Poppy fell asleep on his shoulder, Michael carefully placed her back in her cot. She clutched his finger even in her sleep.
She doesnt want to let go, Michael said, surprised.
Shes afraid youll vanish again, Emily explained.
He sat by the cot for another half hour, reluctant to free his finger.
Ill take a day off tomorrow, he told her. And the next day too. I want to get to know my daughter properly.
What about work? The extra shifts?
Well find another way to earn, or live more simply. The main thing is not to miss how she grows.
Emily hugged him. Better late than never.
Id never forgive myself if something happened and I never even knew her favourite toys, Michael murmured, watching his daughter breathe. Or that she can say dad.
A week later, once Poppy was fully recovered, the three of them went to the park. She perched on Michaels shoulders, laughing, grabbing at autumn leaves.
Look at that, Poppy! Michael pointed at the golden maples. Theres a squirrel over there!
Emily walked beside them, thinking how sometimes you have to almost lose the most precious thing to realize its true value.
Eleanor met them at the front door with a disgruntled look. Michael, Valentine told me her grandson is already playing football. And yours still only with dolls.
My daughters the best in the world, Michael replied calmly, setting Poppy on the floor and handing her the rubber hedgehog. And dolls are wonderful.
Your line will end
It wont. Itll change, but itll go on.
Eleanor tried to argue, but Poppy waddled over, grabbed the old ladys hands and squealed, Baa! with a huge grin.
The grandmother, flustered, took the little girl in her arms. She shes talking!
Our Poppy is brilliant, Michael said proudly. Right, love?
Dad! Poppy cheered, clapping her hands.
Emily watched the scene and thought how happiness often arrives through trials, and the deepest love is the kind that matures slowly, forged by fear and loss.
That night, as he sang a lullaby, Michaels voice was low and a bit hoarse, but Poppy listened, eyes wide open.
You never sang to her before, Emily noted.
I havent done a lot of things before, Michael replied. Now Ive got time to make up for it.
Poppy fell asleep, clutching his finger. Michael stayed in the darkness, listening to her breathing, wondering how much you miss when you dont pause and look back at what really matters.
She slept with a smile, knowing her dad wasnt going anywhere.
