You know, when I hit sixtyfive I finally realized the scariest thing isnt ending up alone its having to beg my own kids to call, knowing I feel like a burden to them.
Hey Mum, we really need you right now, my son said, his voice sounding more like a boss shouting at a reluctant employee than a son talking to his mother.
I, Nora Parker, froze with the remote still in my hand, the evening news never even turned on.
Kyle, love, whats up? I asked.
Nothing, all good, he huffed impatiently. Katie and I grabbed a lastminute holiday, we fly out tomorrow morning.
And whos going to look after the Duke? I asked, gesturing at the massive, slobbery mastiff that took up more space in my tiny flat than the old sideboard ever did.
Just a week, maybe two, if we have to. He sounded annoyed. Mum, who else can we ask? Leaving him at a dog hotel would be cruel you know how sensitive he is.
I glanced at my sofa, freshly reupholstered in a light fabric Id been saving for six months, cutting back on little luxuries. In a few days that sofa would be shredded.
Kyle, I Im not really comfortable. I just finished the renovation.
What renovation? Did you finally put up new wallpaper? he snapped, the irritation clear.
Dukes a proper gentleman, just dont forget to walk him. Katies calling, we need to pack. Well drop him off in an hour.
He hung up without even asking how I was or wishing me a happy birthday the one Id just had last week.
Id spent the whole day waiting for his call, made my signature salad, put on a new dress. The kids promised to swing by, but they never showed. Kyle sent a quick text: Mum, happy birthday! Stuck at work. Olivia didnt reply at all.
And today? We really need you right now.
I sank slowly onto the couch. It wasnt about the dog or the ruined upholstery. It was about that humiliating feeling of being a freestanding emergency service for my own family the goto, the last resort, the person who only matters when they need something.
I remembered dreaming, years ago, that my children would grow up independent. Now I get that the real terror isnt an empty flat; its the heartstopping moment when you realize youre only called upon when youre a burden.
An hour later there was a knock. Kyle stood there, leash in hand, Duke bounding inside, leaving muddy paw prints on the clean floor.
Heres his food, his toys. Remember three walks a day. Were off, or well miss the flight! he tossed the leash to me, gave me a quick peck on the cheek and was gone.
I was left standing in the hallway, Duke sniffing the chair legs, while the sound of tearing fabric echoed from somewhere in the flat. I stared at my phone. Maybe I should call Olivia? Maybe shed understand? My finger hovered over the screen. She hadnt called in a month probably busy with her own life, her own family.
For the first time I felt something else than anger: a sharp, clear, cold clarity. Enough.
Morning started with Duke, feeling a sudden surge of affection, jumping on the bed and leaving two muddy paw prints on the fresh duvet. My new sofa was already ripped in three places, and the ficus Id nurtured for five years lay on the floor, its leaves gnawed.
I poured myself a glass of brandy, dialed Kyle. He answered after a pause, the sound of waves and Katies laugh in the background.
Mum, whats up? All perfect here, the sea is amazing!
Im calling about the dog. Hes ruining the place, tearing the sofa, I cant handle him.
What do you mean? Hes never scratched anything before. Maybe youve been too strict? He needs freedom. Weve just landed, we just want to relax. Let him out longer, hell calm down.
I walked him two hours this morning! He pulls the leash so hard I nearly fell. Please, Kyle, could you take him back or find somewhere else for him to stay?
There was a heavy silence, then his voice hardened.
Mum, are you serious? Were on the other side of the world. How am I supposed to bring him back? You agreed to it yourself. Is this some selfish whim of yours? It feels like youre blaming us for everything.
He sighed, Alright, Katies got the cocktails ready. Keep Duke entertained, well talk later. Bye.
More beeps. My hands trembled as I sat at the kitchen table, the sense of helplessness almost physical. I decided to call Olivia, hoping shed be more sensible.
Hi, love.
Hey Mum, whats the emergency? Im in a meeting.
Kyle left his dog with me and flew off. Hes impossible, chewing everything. Im scared he might bite me.
Olivia exhaled heavily. Mum, didnt he ask for this? It was a genuine emergency. Were family, right? Just buy a new sofa, hell sort it out later.
Its not the sofa, its the attitude! I snapped. Hes basically forced me into this.
She laughed, Come on, youre retired, you have all the time in the world. Take care of the dog, whats the worst that could happen? Anyway, my boss is watching.
The call ended. I left the phone on the table. Family. The word felt odd now, like a label for people who only think of you when they need something, then call you selfish if you cant instantly comply.
That evening a neighbour from downstairs shouted up the stairs.
Nora! Your dogs been howling for three hours! My baby cant sleep! If you dont quiet him, Ill call the police!
Duke barked in agreement, tail wagging as if proud of himself. I shut the door, looked at him, then at the torn sofa, then at my phone, the low hum of irritation building inside.
I grabbed the leash.
Come on, Duke, lets get some fresh air.
We walked through the park, my shoulders easing into a dull ache. Duke strained at the leash, trying to break free, each tug echoing the words selfish, too much time, hard to help.
Out of nowhere, Zinnia, an old colleague, appeared, bright scarf, stylish haircut, smile that could light up a room.
Nora! I almost didnt recognise you all these errands! Another grandkid? she chuckled, glancing at Duke.
Its my sons dog, I replied flatly.
Oh right, the wellbehaved one, Zinnia laughed. Im heading to Spain next week for a flamenco course. My husband was grumbling at first, then said, Go on, youve earned it. When was the last time you really rested?
The question hung in the air. Rest for me had always meant the garden shed, the grandchildren, helping the kids.
You look exhausted, Zinnia said gently. You cant keep carrying everything yourself. Let them manage their own lives. Ive got to run, rehearsal time!
She vanished, leaving a scented trail behind.
The phrase while life passes you by rang in my ears. I stopped dead, Duke looking at me, his huge paws leaving the imprint of his weight on the carpet. I realised I couldnt keep doing this, not another day, not another hour.
I pulled out my phone, shook, and typed Best dog hotel near me. The first result was a glossy site: spacious runs, a pool, grooming salon, oneonone sessions with a trainer, prices that made my heart skip.
I booked a twoweek stay, full board, spa treatments. I called a black cab straight from the park; Duke sat calmly, as if he sensed the change.
At the hotel the air smelled of lavender and expensive shampoo, not a single dog smell. A smiling receptionist handed me a contract.
I filled in Owner with Kyles name and number, Payer the same. I put down the deposit Id been saving for a new coat the best investment of my life.
Well send daily photos to the owner, the receptionist said warmly, taking the leash. Dont worry, your buddy will love it here.
Back in my quiet, though now battered flat, I finally felt peace instead of loneliness. I made tea, settled on the edge of the battered sofa, and sent two identical messages one to Kyle, one to Olivia.
Dukes safe. Hes at the hotel. Any questions, contact his owner.
I silenced my phone.
Three minutes later it buzzed: Kyle. I took a sip of tea but didnt reply. A minute after that Olivias message popped up: Mum, what does that mean? Call me right away!.
I turned up the TV volume, trying to gauge what was happening on the other end. Panic, anger, trying to understand how their everconvenient mum could do this.
Two days later there was a firm knock at the door. Kyle and Olivia stood there, suntanned and clearly irritated the holiday clearly ruined.
Mum, have you lost your mind? Kyle shouted as he stepped inside. What hotel? Look at the bill you saw those numbers? Youre trying to ruin us over a dog?
I answered calmly, Come in, make yourselves at home. Take off your shoes, Ive just mopped the floor.
My composure seemed to stun them more than any argument. Kyle surveyed the shredded sofa and overturned flower pot.
This, he pointed at the sofa, is the result of your welltrained dog being in my flat. I handed him a printed estimate for reupholstering and a new ficus.
Youre billing me for this too? he panted. You should have watched him!
Should I have? I asked, my voice steady, curiosity replacing the old love. I owe you nothing, kids. Neither do you owe me.
Olivia tried to mediate. Mum, why are we doing this? Were family. We couldve sorted it out. Kyle, agitated, replied, Extreme measures happen when a son accuses his mother of selfishness because she wont let her house turn into a ruin. Extreme measures also happen when a daughter says youve got lots of time to look after her brother. He gestured at the bill. All this is just the fallout of your choices.
Kyles face reddened. Im not paying a penny for that hotel or the repairs!
I simply said, Fine. I wasnt counting on that anyway. Ill sell the cottage.
That hit them like a punch. The cottage wed all planned to use for barbecues, saunas, weekend getaways my cottage was suddenly gone.
You have no right! Olivia cried, forgetting any peace. Its ours too! We grew up there!
My documents are in my name, I replied, shrugging. Our childhood is over, dear.
The money Id gotten from the hotel covered the repair costs, the moral damage, and maybe even a ticket to Spain Zinnia had spoken so highly of it.
They stared at me as if I were a stranger, not the meek mum theyd known. I was now a woman with a steel spine theyd never imagined.
Silence settled in the room, a strange, uncomfortable quiet. They had lost.
A week later Kyle transferred the exact amount to my account no apologies, no more calls. I didnt wait for them. I pulled an almostnew suitcase from the attic, dialed Zinnia.
Hey love, still got a spot for the flamenco class?
