28October2025
Today I felt the familiar tug of a domestic skirmish that has, of late, become almost ritual. After twentyfive years of marriage, Emily asked, Do I even deserve love after all that time? I shook my head, You wont earn love by asking that, you know.
She shot back, Do I have to earn it now, after so many years? I tried to soften my tone, Youre a clever woman, Emily. Cant you see what I meant? She replied, When a woman is called clever, people usually mean the opposite. I countered, So youve misunderstood me again! Your attempt at manipulation doesnt count. In this case youre wrong, not me.
She sighed, Exactly, what a tangled situation weve got! I tried to be the sympathetic husband, Youre exhausted after work, Im knackered, and you think I should bring dinner to the sofa? Emily laughed, You sound like a tyrant! I pressed my lips together, But surely you realise Im wiped out. She nodded, I get that youre tired, but you can still walk to the kitchenyoure not a cripple. I retorted, Only when its convenient for you will you fetch me food? Do you wish I become a cripple, or worse?
She pointed toward the kitchen, Less talk, more action. I whined, Emily! Dont you see? Im a normal person, just wiped out! She raised her voice, Enough pleading! Im also spent from my job and I dont fancy ferrying trays around. She listed a litany of possible requestssalt, ketchup, mayo, bread, extrasthen added, Everythings within reach in the kitchen. Get up, grab it, be happy. I shook my head, That behaviour wont win my love, and trudged toward the kitchen like a dying swan.
Emily snorted, making herself comfortable in the armchair. She waited, anticipated, and finally called out, Emily! What does that mean? She didnt flinch, didnt budge a muscle. I burst into the room, Whats that in there? She replied calmly, The pots in the fridge, the plates are drying, the microwave is where it belongs. I muttered, Well, thats a deadend! She smiled sweetly, Im also exhausted from work. I stared at her for a minute, cursed under my breath, and went back to the kitchen.
What could have erupted into a fullblown family clash instead gave way to a planned visit the next day. Emilys mother, Margaret, decided to gather the family because its been ages. The excuse was flimsy, and it had been postponed many times before. Margaret simply wanted everyone together for a chat.
I thought I could vent to my motherinlaw, Let her give her daughter a proper lecture! I waited for the official part of the gathering to end, then blurted out, I understand, Margaret, but somethings off with your daughter! I went on about divorce papers and implied that the marriage was on shaky ground. Margaret clutched her chest, Good heavens, whats happened? I launched into a melodramatic recount of my day: I came home exhausted, earned the familys money all week, and the week was a nightmare! I asked Emily to feed the provider, and she just pointed at the fridge without moving a muscle! Her eyes widenedsurprise, anger, despair.
Emily met that stare with calm detachment. My brother Charles interjected, I didnt want to say this, but somethings not right with Emily. I go to Sunday fathers groups; you know my exgirlfriend Annano shame, no conscience! He rattled off his own grievances about weekend allowances and alimony. He complained that Emily had pointed him to a broom, tossed a cloth under his feet, and told him not to mess things up. Their son added, She fell ill, so I politely asked her to iron my shirt. She gave me a tutorial on YouTube instead! Emily absorbed both complaints without a flicker of irritation.
Margaret, meanwhile, scolded, Emily, whats happened to you? You were such a good girlkind, polite, helpful! Im ashamed of you! Emily replied firmly, Im not ashamed of myself.
There are spots on a sunny day, just as there are blind spots in virtue. Patience is no longer praised; people scorn it, while burning bridges at the first opportunity is glorified. Yet dialogue is lauded when problems are solved with words, not with smashed bridges.
Delicacy has always been Emilys hallmark. She was raised to see each person as a separate world, making it foolish to impose ones own standards on anothers soul. To understand anyone, you must stand in their shoes, see through their eyes, think as they think, and only then judge. She applied this when a friend stole her boyfriend. She put herself in his place: He wanted more, I wasnt ready, and Kira was both willing and eager. If he were ten years older, he might have controlled his hormones. Then she saw it from the friends angle: She comes from a large family, always short on cash, with parents demanding childcare. For her, Kirillwho has wealthy, single parentswas a ticket out of a familial nightmare. That was just one of many examples. She never gave up; she always tried to grasp the motive behind actions.
At work, when colleagues set her up, she often proved her point and restored fairness, never blaming the offender but seeking the cause. She believed any cause, unless madness, has a legitimate right to exist and can justify behaviour.
For me, Emily became a treasurea pearl, a priceless diamond. My shortcomings were forgiven, turned into minor irritations. Not every man knows how to give compliments or court a lady; I learned not to expect Emily to spoonfeed me compliments. If she doesnt get flowers or a opened door, Ill push my own chair at a restaurant.
I accepted that Im hopeless at household chores; my mother has always handled those. I cant cook, I dont know how to work a washing machineso I dont expect a man to be a jackofalltrades. I still teach and ask for help, but most of the time I do things myself.
When I wasnt showing fatherly affection to our son Dennis, science explained that men generally start to bond with children around three years old. Before that, the screaming infant is a mystery, even a source of fear. Thats why Id get annoyed when Dennis wailed, and why Emily sometimes spent more time with him than with me. It was a blend of fear and jealousy, all understandable.
After ten years of marriage, Emily recognised my growing coolness. The habit has stuck, I thought, and were not lads any more, our hormones have settled. I also understood why I often joined friends after workpeople need a change of scenery, a break from the daily grind.
I once wondered how Id react if I ever had a mistress, but the question never needed answering because I never looked left. My life, however, was not limited to my marriage alone. Dennis followed his fathers footsteps; despite Emilys attempts to teach him household duties, his mind was set on computer battles. That sparked a genuine connection between us.
My younger brother Charles, the opposite of Emilyloud, confrontational, feeding off conflicthad a short, stormy marriage that ended in divorce, leaving his daughter Zara without a full family. He became a Sunday dad, clueless about chores, much like me. When he needed the flat tidied for a weekend visit, he asked Emily to clean up, relying on takeaway meals. Zara saw her dad only once a month.
Our mother, Margaret, was the pillar of the household. When she asked for help, it was not just for chores but for companionship. Emily sat with her, chatted, and helped around the kitchen while they talked. Nothing dire loomed, yet Emily finally uttered a firm No.
Im not ashamed of myself, she said. I was foolish to think I could fix everything for everyone. I thought youd think of me, love me, respect me, but I never saw that coming. The room fell silent; they were used to her quiet compliance. She continued, Im no longer a girl, its too late to change everything, but Ill now only do what I truly want.
If I feel like feeding you after work, Ill do it, wash the dishes, and clean up. If not, Stephen, you know where the fridge is. She reminded me Im not a child who cant feed himself, and the same applied to Dennis, now seventeen. You can manage cooking, cleaning, ironing if you want a pressed shirt, she said, turning to her brother. If I decide to visit my niece, Ill come over and tidy your place. If not, youll learn to do it yourself or hire help. Its not my job.
She looked at the sour faces around the table, realising they disliked what shed said. She didnt want to be everyones convenience any longer; she wanted to be convenient for herself.
Im heading home, Emily announced, standing. If you dont like the new rules, I wont call you, and you shouldnt call me. My husband and son returned only for a few belongings; Charles stopped phoning, and Margaret called merely to accuse me of selfishness.
Selfishness isnt just thinking of yourself; its demanding that everyone think of you first, then themselves, Emily retorted. Think about that.
Perhaps I didnt intend to overhaul my life so dramatically, but it unfolded on its own. A new chapter for a new Emilya happy oneall because she said No.
**Lesson:** Ive learned that trying to be everybodys comfort only leaves you exhausted and empty. True peace comes from setting your own boundaries and doing what truly matters to you.
