13May2024
Ive been wrestling with the same old argument again, and tonight I finally put it in writing, hoping the act of putting ink to paper might somehow untangle the knot in my head.
It began just after I got home early from the office. I set the table, trying to make the evening feel a little normal. Its Friday, which means Lilymy husbands elevenyearold from his first marriagewill be joining us for dinner. The knock at the front door announced his arrival, and I hurried to open it. Ian stood there with Lily, who slipped inside without even a glance my way, simply saying Hi. Ian gave me a guilty look and murmured, Hi, love. How was your day?
Fine, I replied, masking the irritation that was already bubbling under the surface. Come in, have a seat.
The dinner table quickly filled with a heavy silence. I tried to keep the conversation going, recounting the days mundane details, but Lily answered in monosyllables or stared off, deliberately ignoring me. I ate in quiet, feeling a lump form in my throat as the tension grew.
Out of the blue Lily blurted, Dad, Mom says she needs money urgently for a new winter coat. Hers is ragged and shes embarrassed to go to school with it.
Alright, Lily, Ian said calmly. Well talk about it after we eat.
My anger flared. *Again with the money, again the endless requestshow long is this supposed to last?* The thought churned inside me like a storm.
After dinner, Ian and Lily disappeared into her bedroom to do homework. I stayed in the kitchen, washing dishes, and could hear fragments of their conversation drift to me:
Dad, you know she really needs it. Shes the only one pulling us through, and, Lilys voice lowered.
Cant you just buy her a coat? Ian asked timidly.
Dad, its not about you! Hes broke! I wouldnt be asking if things werent terrible. Youre a man, you should support her! And youre my dad! Lily snapped.
I could no longer contain the surge of frustration. I tossed the sponge into the sink and stalked into the bedroom.
Ian, we need to talk, I said firmly.
Not now, Anne, he tried to dodge. Were doing homework.
No, now, I persisted. Lily, could you give us a minute?
She pouted but left the room. I shut the door behind her and turned to Ian.
How long is this going to go on? I asked, my voice shaking.
What do you mean? he feigned ignorance.
The money, Ian! Your exwife, Lilys mother, the constant demands. Were barely covering the mortgage, Ive cut back on everything for us, and you keep feeding her, I exploded. I cant even afford a dentist appointment because theres never enough left.
He swallowed, guilt evident. I understand Ill speak to Olivia, he said, referring to his exwife.
Shell never listen. She always gets what she wants. Maybe you should remind her that you have a wife who also deserves care, I snapped, my temper flaring.
Ian frowned. Dont bring Olivia into this. Shes a good mother.
A good mother? If she were, she wouldnt dump all her problems on you! Shes been content to have you foot the bill, I retorted.
Enough! Ian shouted, his voice cracking. Dont speak about my childs mother like that!
And dont forget you have a real wifesomeone who loves and supports you! I cried, the words spilling over.
I love you, Ian whispered, but I cant abandon my daughter.
Then decide who you love more, I challenged, my heart pounding.
He lowered his head, silence hanging between us. Lilys voice drifted from the hallway, Dad?
Ian, everythings fine, I tried to smooth things over, but Lilys eyes widened in confusion.
No, it isnt! I burst out, Were arguing because of you and your mother!
Lily stared at me, then at her father. Because of me? she asked, eyebrows raised.
Yes, because you keep demanding money, because you treat me like an empty space! I shouted, my composure shattered.
Do I have to love you? Youre nobody to me! Lily snapped back, I have my mum!
The words hit me like a slap. I stared at Ian, expecting a defense, but he only bowed his head in silence.
Lily, listen, I managed, voice trembling, you can stay here as long as you like, but I wont tolerate this any longer. My patience has run out. I left the room, the door closing with a soft click.
In the bedroom, I grabbed my phone and dialed Emma, my best friend.
Hey, I choked out, tears blurring my vision, I need to talk.
***
The next day Emma met me at the café on the high street. I looked pale, barely touching my tea. She listened, then asked gently, Anne, are you seriously thinking about divorce?
I dont know, I admitted, wiping a stray tear, I love Ian, but I cant keep living like this. Hes torn between me and his former family, and I feel like an outsider. Im exhausted.
I get it. But maybe try one more conversation? Explain exactly how you feel, what you need, Emma suggested.
Ive told him a thousand times, I snapped, He pretends to understand, but nothing changes. He doesnt want to hurt his daughter, yet he hurts me.
What about Lily? Have you tried speaking with her? Emma asked.
Talking to her is pointless. She only listens to her mother and does everything to get under my skin. She doesnt see me as a person, I replied, frustration evident.
Kids often mirror their parents behaviour, Emma noted. Perhaps you could find a way to connect with her after all.
I cant stand her! She openly ignores me, I retorted. It feels impossible.
But isnt it worth a try? If you show her you want a relationship, maybe shell soften, Emma persisted.
I fell silent, the weight of her words sinking in. If I wanted to save this marriage, I would have to swallow some pride and try to reach the stubborn teen.
Alright, I said finally, Ill give it a go, but I dont have high hopes.
***
That evening, when Ian brought Lily home, I seized the chance. I carried a tray of scones and tea into the living room where Lily was glued to her phone.
Lily, would you like a cuppa and a scone? I asked.
She glanced up, her expression cold. Im not hungry, she replied.
Just try, I said, placing the tray on the coffee table. I baked them myself.
Reluctantly, she snatched a bite, then muttered, Its good, before swallowing.
Im glad, I smiled, Come sit with me, Ill get you some tea.
She moved to the table, still looking wary. Not long ago, Id been shouting at her; now I was offering a gentle invitation.
Lily, I wanted to talk, I began, I know you dont like me being around your dad.
And why should I? she cut in. Youre not my mum.
I get that, I nodded. Im not trying to replace anyone. I just want us to get along. Your dad is suffering because of our fights.
She stared into her cup, silent.
I know you love your mother, and thats wonderful. It doesnt mean you have to hate me. I care for your dad as well, I continued.
Youre lying! Lily snapped. Youre always arguing with him!
We argue because its hard, I admitted, but that doesnt mean we dont love each other.
I waited, the room tense, as Lily examined the pattern on the tablecloth.
Lily, Ive never wanted any harm to come to you. I just want peace for all of us. Youre my husbands daughter, and that matters to me, I said softly.
She lifted her eyes, meeting mine. The hostility in them seemed to melt a fraction.
Really? she whispered.
Really, I replied, feeling a strange, hopeful warmth. I could swear on it right now.
Just then Ian entered, surprise flashing across his face as he saw us at the table.
Everything alright? he asked.
Were just talking, I said, smiling despite the lingering tension.
The evening turned out better than I could have imagined. Lily giggled as we played a game of Twister, and Ian laughed heartily, his shoulders finally relaxed. For the first time, Lily didnt seem to resent me; she even let me feed her a slice of scone without a grimace. It felt like a small, precious breakthrough, and maybejust maybesomething good can grow from this fragile start.
