Not a mother, a cuckoo
Where are you off to? Im askingwhat are you up to? the brothers sharp shout finally pulls Eleanor out of her morning drowse. She props herself up on her elbows in the narrow guestroom bed, listening through the thin wall. For the past two weeks Eleanor has been staying with her older brother James while she looks for work and a flat of her own in this city. The move was tough, but there was no alternativeher hometown offers no prospects.
A piercing baby wail suddenly fills the flat. Fourmonthold Harry has woken up after his parents argument. Eleanor winces and sits on the edge of the bed, pulling her dressing gown tighter.
I have an interview, Lena, Jamess wife, says softly from the next room.
An interview? Are you out of your mind? James raises his voice. Youve got a newborn! What job could you possibly think of? Your place is at home with the baby!
Eleanor waits for a reply from her sisterinlaw, but silence hangs in the flat. Only Harry keeps crying. Then the front door slams shut. Lena has left.
Eleanor slips out of the room and heads for the kitchen. James stands in the middle of the room, bewildered, rocking the wailing infant in his arms. His face is a mix of anger and helplessness.
That’s always how it goes, he mutters, spotting Eleanor. She ditches the baby and runs off with her own affairs.
Eleanor quietly takes the nephew from Jamess arms. The little one gradually calms, burying his cheek against her shoulder. James slumps heavily onto a chair, rubbing his face with his palms.
Lenas gone off her rocker, James continues, staring into nothing. How can she leave a child like that and think about work? At least my holiday has started, so I can look after Harry.
Eleanor rocks the halfasleep baby, weighing Jamess words.
James, maybe you should talk to Lenacalmly, without shouting, Eleanor suggests gently. Perhaps shes dealing with something. Postnatal depression isnt uncommon; she might need professional help.
James waves her off as if swatting a fly.
Depression? No way! Lenas always been a free spirit, a careerchaser. I hoped that after giving birth shed settle down, become a proper mother. She doesnt seem to be changing at all. She doesnt care about the child!
Eleanor wants to argue but stays quiet. Harry finally drifts off, and she gently places him in the cot.
Lena returns only at dusk. Eleanor is just tucking Harry in when she hears the lock click. The sisterinlaw passes the nursery without looking inside. Eleanor steps into the hallway and sees Lena silently preparing dinner in the kitchen. James sits in the living room, eyes glued to the television, refusing to speak to his wife.
The atmosphere in the flat becomes unbearable. Eleanor rushes back to her room and dials her mother.
Mum, you wont believe whats happening, she whispers into the receiver, recounting the days events.
Her mother sighes heavily on the other end.
Dear, Lenas been like that since the baby arrived. James has complained to me many times. It seems the maternal instinct never woke in her. My poor boyhow hard it must be for him. And what a child feels without a living motherI cant even imagine
After the call, Eleanor lies in bed, bewildered. She recalls Lena before pregnancysweet, kind, caring. James was head over heels for her. Now the coldness toward her own child and husband feels wrong.
Lena routinely disappears from the house, vanishing from morning until night, leaving James alone with the infant. James takes Harry to the shops, on walks, trying to juggle childcare with household chores. Eleanor helps as best she can, but she knows this cant go on forever.
A week later Lena comes home with a bright look in her eyes. For the first time Eleanor sees a hint of a smile on her face.
Ive found a job, Lena announces at dinner.
James freezes, spoon halfway to his mouth, colour draining from his face.
Are you kidding me? he growls. Youve got a fourmonthold son! You should be looking after him, not running around offices!
Lena replies coldly, Its my life.
James jumps up from the table.
Youre selfish! You only think of yourself! Thats wrong! Youre a mother; your place is beside the child!
Eleanor watches Lena withdraw into herself. The sisterinlaw stands silently and retreats to the bedroom. They never see her again that evening.
The next day Eleanor and James take Harry for a stroll in the park. James pushes the pram forward, still complaining.
See how she treats him? Our own son, and she doesnt care, James says, eyeing the sleeping baby. She never picks him up, never kisses, never hugs. What kind of mother is she? Not a mothera cuckoo!
Eleanor stays silent, unsure what to answer. She feels sorry for her brother, yet something inside tells her the story isnt that simple.
They return home after a couple of hours. The flat is oddly quiet. Eleanor flips the light switch in the hallway.
Lena? You home? she calls.
Silence. She walks through the roomskitchen empty, living room empty. James appears with Harry in his arms, heading toward the bedroom. She hears James gulp sharply and rushes to him.
James stands before an open wardrobe. Half the shelves are bare. Lenas belongings are gone.
Shes left James breaths out hoarsely.
He collapses onto the bed, still holding his son, his shoulders trembling.
Ungrateful! After everything Ive done for her! he shouts. I gave her everythingflat, love, marriage, a child! And she just walked out!
Eleanor sits beside her brother, trying to soothe him. Inside, a bad feeling tightens around her.
James, what could have driven her to do this? Tell me honestly what happened between you two.
James lifts his reddened eyes to Eleanor, pauses, then speaks slowly.
The pregnancy was accidental, he finally admits. Lena didnt want a baby. She said she wasnt ready, that she wanted to focus on her career. I pushed her, saying were both thirtysomething, its time to settle down, have a family. She agreed, but after the birth she never loved him. I hoped motherhood would awaken her feelings, that shed bond with the child. But Lena just drifted further away.
Eleanor stares, eyes wide. The picture she had built of Lena shatters in an instant. All this time she thought her sisterinlaw was merely being temperamental. The truth is far darkerLena was essentially forced into a pregnancy she didnt want.
James Eleanor can only manage a whispered,
A few days later Jamess holiday ends. He returns to work, effectively handing the care of Harry over to Eleanor. She doesnt objecther nephew isnt to blame for his parents drama.
A week passes. One morning James bursts in, waving a bundle of papers.
Shes filing for divorce! he shouts. And she wants to relinquish parental rights to Harry! She said on the phoneif I wanted the child, I must look after him myself! I have a job, a flat, I can manage. She doesnt want any of it!
Eleanor rocks the nephew silently, listening to Jamess tirade. Each day she understands Lena a little more.
The following week Eleanor almost singlehandedly looks after the baby. James comes home from work, eats dinner, then collapses onto the bed. On weekends he naps or watches television. All other chores fall to Eleanor. She begins to see why Lena ran awayJames does nothing at home, offers no help, only demands.
Finally, Eleanor receives good news: she lands a job. She finds a modest onebedroom flat near the office. She plans to move out of the shared house. James doesnt like the news.
Youre abandoning us too! What about Harry? Who will look after him? How can you just leave?
Eleanor looks calmly at her brother. She knows her words will hurt him, but she repeats Lenas own line.
You wanted the child, James. So look after him yourself. Dont push the responsibility onto others.
Eleanor stands in her new flat, arranging belongings on the shelves. The quiet settles around her, soothing after weeks of infant cries and Jamess outbursts. She pulls a photograph from a boxher and James as children, both beaming. She runs a finger over the image, reflecting on how even the closest people can turn out selfish. The brother she idolised proved to be selfcentered, breaking his wifes life. And Lena, condemned by everyone, was simply protecting herself.
Eleanor places the photo on a shelf and turns away. A new life lies aheadher own life.
