**Diary Entry**
I just wanted to see who hed traded me for.
Parsons marched straight into the kitchen, still in his coat, and sat at the table.
*”I love another woman. Shes expecting my child. Im leaving you for her,”* he said bluntly, no preamble.
Violet turned off the tap and faced him.
*”That girl who sells apples at the market stall? Tanya, isnt it?”* she asked calmly.
*”You knew?”* Parsons looked up, startled.
*”Darling, youre a terrible liar. Of course I knew. Tell medo you love her, or are you leaving just for the baby?”*
*”Im sorry,”* he muttered, dropping his gaze.
*”What about all those ten years we spent together? Do I mean nothing to you?”* her eyes screamed, but Violet stayed silent.
*”Do you plan to marry her?”* she asked instead.
*”Not right now.”*
*”Then lets keep things professional at the department. I dont want gossip.”*
*”Agreed. So should I go?”* He stood.
Violet turned back to the sink, turned on the tap, and stared at the water until he was gone.
He left quicklyjust the essentials, then. Or maybe hed return?
She switched off the tap, sat at the table, right where hed been moments ago. She dropped her head onto her folded arms but didnt cry.
***
She hadnt cried a month earlier either, when her friend told her shed seen Parsons with another woman.
*”A student?”* Violet had asked. *”Hes always had admirers among them. What do they even see in him?”*
*”No. Shes a market vendorstall opposite the university. Names Tanya. Moved here from the countryside, shares a flat on Victoria Street. Twenty-three,”* her friend rattled off the details, sharp as a detective.
*”How do you even know all this?”*
*”Small city. Someone I know lives in that buildingLiza Dawson. Remember her from uni? Your Parsons is there a lot.”*
*”So thats where he goes instead of extra lectures.”*
Seeing is believing. The next day, Violet decided to follow him. She knew his schedule, dressed plainly, and waited behind a pillar in the hall.
When he left the building, she trailed behind, careful not to stare. He mightve sensed her gaze, and she refused to let him think shed stoop to spying. She just wanted to see who hed chosen over her.
He stopped near the girls fruit stall. A small queue had formedTanya, in a sleeveless pinafore over a jumper and jeans, deftly weighed apples. Her thick braid swung forward as she bent, loose strands falling into her face. Shed straighten, blow them away, then flash dimples at customers. Patient but playful, she kept shooting glances at Parsons. *”Probably short-changing them. Should I report her?”* Violet thought bitterly.
An elderly woman took forever selecting apples, inspecting each before dropping them into Tanyas held-out bag.
*”Thats enough,”* the woman finally said.
*”Take some plums toosweet and soft. Jam or compot?”* Tanya offered.
The woman hesitated, squeezed a few, then shook her head. *”No. How much?”*
The bag held nearly a kilo, but Tanya quoted a pittance. The old lady brightened, paid, and hurried off before the girl reconsidered.
*”She pities the elderly!”* Violet scoffed. *”Or is this a performance for Parsons?”*
Shed passed this stall daily, even eyed the plums, but never noticed the girl. Yet Parsons had.
Once the queue cleared, he approached. The way Tanya looked at him*”She worships him. No surprisealmost a PhD, after all.”* The girl adjusted his coat, brushed invisible dust off his shoulders. The tender gesture stung. Violet had assumed an affairthis was love.
She couldnt see Parsons face but knew his expression matched Tanyas. She left before they spotted her.
That evening, alone at home, she finally cried.
***
Shed noticed him at university firstquiet, serious, avoiding parties, indifferent to girls. Handsome, if not for the scowl. Mysterious, like Heathcliff.
One lecture, she sat beside him.
*”Bored?”* she asked.
He glanced at herthen smiled. His face transformed. *”Hes beautiful,”* she realised. After that, they sat together often. He walked her home.
*”What do you even see in him?”* a jealous friend grumbled.
*”Better you dont knowyoud steal him,”* Violet teased.
Their relationship had been slow. But by graduation, they were inseparablemarried soon after. His parents, dead years prior in a crash, explained his reserve.
In bed, he was gentle. Afterwards, hed recite Keats, Auden, Eliot, his voice weaving magic. Violet listened, spellbound.
Shed yearned for a child, but doctors doubted it possible after a childhood accident on the ice. Ten years togetherno miracle. Parsons insisted they could adopt, but Violet wanted her own.
Lately, their relationship had cooledcomfortable, companionable. Always together, at work and home. Predictable. For Violet, that was enough. For Alexander (as she called him), it wasnt. He wanted passion, firea family. So hed found a simpler girl, wholesome, fertile. *”Milk and honey,”* people called such women.
When Violet learned about the baby, jealousy strucknot over the affair, but the child. *Hed* have a son or daughter while shed never know motherhood.
Well, if she couldnt give him one, shed let someone else. What argument was there against a child? Maybe he needed simple, uncomplicated love. What good was a clever, barren wife? *”Does he read her poetry too?”*
At work, nothing changed. They simply stopped walking home together.
Parsons moved into Tanyas shared flat. Violet hoped hed return, but weeks passednothing. She avoided looking toward the market.
Then, between lectures, he found her, eyes alight. *”A daughter,”* he whispered. She forced congratulations. He rushed to the hospitalbut returned that evening, shattered. *”Tanyas gone. A stroke.”* Violet held him as he wept.
*”The babys alive?”*
*”Ill take her,”* he said hoarsely.
*”And work?”*
*”My aunt will help. Ill go part-time.”*
By spring, his aunt left*”Gardening season.”* A hired nanny lasted a day before he caught her ignoring the crying baby.
Desperate, he called Violet. *”Please. I cant do this alone.”*
*”You left me. Now you ask for help?”*
*”Just come.”*
Grudges aside, the baby was innocent. The moment Violet held little Alice, resentment vanished. She loved her instantly. Parsons had named her after Tanyas favourite singerAlice Alexandra Parsons. It suited her.
At first, Violet visitedcooking, cleaning, babysitting. Then the flatmates complaineda dead tenants room occupied illegally. Parsons was evicted.
*”Pack your things. You and Alice are moving in with me,”* she said without hesitation.
They slept apart at first. Then Alice said *”Mama,”* and Violets heart nearly burst.
One evening, she returned to laughterAlice toddling toward Parsons, him catching and tossing her, both giggling. Shed never heard him laugh like that. Tears welled.
*”How long have you been back?”* he asked, grinning. *”Watch!”* He set Alice downshe wobbled to him.
That night, they were close again. He read her poetry, and her heart soared.
*”Did you read to her too?”* she ventured.
She expected anger, withdrawal. Instead, after a pause: *”Once. She didnt understand.”*
Alice grew, resembling Tanya more each day.
Once, passing the market, they saw a different vendorolder, brassy-haired, smoking, nails chipped. She winked at Parsons.
*”Lets go,”* he muttered, disgusted.
That night, as Violet washed dishes, he hugged her from behind. *”Thank you. Without you You and Aliceyoure my world.”*
*”Without you and Tanya, thered be no Alice.”*
Shed forgiven. Stubbornness wouldve cost her Aliceand him. A lonelier life.
She pitied Tanya, gone too soon. But shed left Alice. One day, theyd tell her about her mother. Or maybe not. Violet had raised her, loved her as her own. That was enough.
