What You Cut Short, You Cant Bring Back
When Tanya showed her wedding photos to friends, shed always say with a laugh:
“Blimey, that dress was a nightmare! Gorgeous, sure, but heavy as lead. Next time I tie the knot, Im picking something light and airy!”
Everyone thought she was jokingand theyd laugh along. Tanya *was* joking, of course. Her friends knew shed married for love. It had been a whirlwind holiday romanceTanya at 21, Oliver at 28.
August, the shimmering sea, sparkling wine, starlit skiesit all came together in a rush, ending with a trip to the registry office. Though first, Oliver had to divorce his second wife, and Tanya had to move to his hometown.
London to Brighton and backthat route would become painfully familiar to Tanya for the next decade.
But in the beginning, the young couple had to rent. Oliver had given his flat to his second wife after she threatened to swallow pills, throw acid on his next bride, or leap out the window if he didnt crawl back to her.
Eventually, though, his ex-wife quieted down. Maybe Oliver had promised to return? As for his first wife, Oliver never spoke of her. That marriage had lasted eighteen monthsjust didnt work out. Later, hed even helped her marry his best mate. Made everyone happyhimself included.
Wife number two had stuck around longerthree yearsenough time for Oliver to realise the woman was a nightmare. A proper piece of work who refused to have “ankle-biters” (her words for children).
None of this bothered Tanya. Not one bit. She was self-assured, ambitious, confident in her beauty and uniqueness. Oliver doted on herflowers by the armful, not one fur coat but three, and shoes? She couldve worn a new pair every day. He whisked her off to Paris, Rome, the Swiss Alpsbroadening her horizons before their first child arrived.
Soon, little Emily was born. While Tanya fussed over the baby, Oliver bought a house and filled it with everything they needed. He did it all with carefor his girls.
They celebrated the move. Emily started nursery.
Tanya threw herself into studyingpreferably back in London, where her mates and mum were, where even strangers felt familiar. Under her own sky, she felt at peace.
Emily stayed with her doting grandmother, who adored the little girl. And while Tanya was off at uni, Oliver grew jealous. Hed race up to London, staging ridiculous “chance” meetings in a different city! Truth was, Tanya gave him no reason to worry. Or so it seemed
She just wanted an escapefrom chores, from motherhood, from marriage. Shed rather study forever than scrub dishes, tidy up, or raise a child. Life was short, and she refused to waste it on dull, trivial things.
Before long, Tanya had three red-sealed degrees in her handbag. Her main qualification? Psychology. She carried them everywhere, job-hunting with zeal. Oliver was dead against it:
“Do we need the money? Ill go mad waiting for you to come home! Tanya, lets have another babyboy or girl, I dont care. Just stay with me.”
Tanya couldnt see herself as a mother again. Shed done her dutygiven Oliver a daughter. What more did he want? Her mother-in-law, listening to her ramblings, offered to raise Emily full-time. Until Tanya “grew up.”
After all, the girl needed love and attentionnot a mother whod rather float in the clouds. Without hesitation, Tanya agreedthen bolted for London without a word. “Ill call from there,” she decided.
But Oliver was already in London, wise to her tricks. “Tanya, wheres Emily? Why are you here? Is there someone else?”
“Dont be daft, Ollie. No admirers, no flings. Im just bored. I want freedom!”
“Freedom? From me? From your own child? Wheres the love gone? Midlife crisis? Well get through itits nothing, love.”
“We wont,” Tanya said flatly.
Oliver begged her mother for help. The woman just shrugged. “Its your mess. You wont change her mindshes stubborn as oak.”
He returned to Brighton alone, baffled. How could he fix this? What madness was this? “No good deed goes unpunished,” he muttered. Maybe he just wasnt meant for her.
Days turned to weeks. Tanya never came back. She answered callsshort, cold. “Im fine.”
Time rolled on.
After long thought, Oliver sold the house, took Emily, and moved to Londonall to save his family.
Tanya was icy about it. “Why upset Emily? New school, leaving friends Her gran wont like it.”
Excuses, all of them. Tanya was basking in her freedom. “Live like a bird,” that was her motto now. Shed started a dressmaking business, rented a flat, had admirersno time to mope. And now? Husband, child Why? She wanted the past erased. Firm as flint, she acted as if it had happened to someone else.
Oliver ignored her, clinging to hope. He still loved her.
At first, hed meet Tanya after work, bring Emily (a spitting image of her). Useless. Tanya was a statueunmoved. Finally, she snapped:
“Oliver, leave me alone! Lets divorce. Emily can stay with me.”
Emily was eleven now. She didnt need “staying with.” She had a loving dad, a gran who prayed for her nightly. The girl remembered her motherloved her. But she couldnt understand why shed been tossed aside.
Time flies. No one can stop it.
Life goes on. And everyone reaps what they sow.
Oliver stopped “fishing in a desert.” Hed long accepted Tanyas heart was locked away.
Fate gave him a down-to-earth womanno flights of fancy, no demands for Paris or a hundred shoes. Just wellies for muddy walks, a warm coat for chores, and seeing her two sons from a first marriage settled.
With her, Oliver found peace. (“Where its simple, angels dwell; where its complicated, none do.”) Soon, they had a daughter. For the first time, Oliver knew true happiness. The first three marriages? Best left unopened.
Tanya lives with her mum now. A business partner once promised her the moonthen cleaned her out. Her dressmaking venture fell apart. The queue of suitors vanished.
Plenty came courtingthen scarpered. She works as a school counsellor. At least the degrees were good for something. No regrets. Though The human soul runs deep. Maybe even a “bird of the air” like Tanya might one day feel a twinge of remorse. Who knows?
Emily, now grown and married, lives with her gran in Brightonthe woman who raised her.
On her wedding day, she wore a light, airy dress. A gift from her mother, Tanya.
