I had been the unpaid nanny and cook for my sons familyuntil they saw me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
*Nina, hello! Am I interrupting?* My daughter-in-laws voice, Katys, trilled with forced cheer through the receiver.
I stirred the long-cold soup in silence. Interrupting? Never. I was never too busy when they needed something.
*Go on, Katy.*
*Weve got newsits absolutely mental! Leo and I booked flights, two weeks in Turkey! All-inclusive, can you believe it? Last-minute deal!*
I could. Sun, sea, Leo and Katy. And somewhere off-cameratheir five-year-old, Alfie. My grandson.
*Congratulations. Im thrilled for you.* The words came out flat, lifeless, like the small print on a medicine packet.
*Right! So youll take Alfie, yeah? He cant go to nursery nowtheres chickenpox going round.*
And swimming lessons, cant miss those. Speech therapy next TuesdayIll text you the schedule.
She spoke fast, not letting me get a word in, as if afraid I might thinkand refuse. Though I never refused.
*Katy, I was thinking of going to the cottage this week while the weathers*
*The cottage?* Her voice dripped with genuine shock, as though Id announced a trip to Mars. *Mum, seriously? Alfie needs you, and youre on about gardening?*
Were not just swanning off, were looking after our health. Sea air, vitamins!
I stared out at the grey courtyard. My sea air. My vitamins.
*Oh, and* Katy barrelled on. *the cat foods being delivered Wednesday, premium stuff, twelve kilograms. Couriers window is ten to six, so be home, yeah? And water the plants, especially the orchid. Its fussy.*
She listed my duties like it was obvious. I wasnt a personjust a function. A free, convenient app in their comfortable lives.
*Fine, Katy. Of course.*
*Brilliant! Knew we could count on you!* She chirped as if shed granted me a favour. *Right, kisses, gotta pack!*
The line went dead.
I set the phone down slowly. My eyes landed on the wall calendar. A red circle marked next Saturdaya reunion with friends I hadnt seen in a year.
I picked up a damp cloth and wiped the mark away in one stroke. Erasing another sliver of the life I hadnt lived.
No anger, no resentment. Just a sticky, all-consuming emptinessand one quiet question: When would they realise I wasnt just a free app, but a person?
Probably only when they saw me at the airport with a one-way ticket.
Alfie arrived the next day. Leo hauled in an oversized suitcase, a swim bag, and three carrier bags of toys, avoiding my eyes.
*Mum, weve got to dashflights soon,* he muttered, dumping the case in the hall.
Katy swept in after, already in holiday modefloral dress, floppy hat. Her eyes flicked over my modest flat.
*Nina, dont let Alfie binge tellyread to him. And go easy on sweets, he turns feral.*
Heres a list*everythings* on here. She thrust a folded sheet at me. Routine, contactsspeech therapist, coach, allergist. Meal plan.
As if Id never met my own grandson. As if I hadnt raised him while they climbed career ladders.
*Katy, I know what he likes.*
*Knowing isnt dieting,* she snapped. *Alfie-love, be good for Granny! Well bring you a massive jeep!*
They left in a cloud of expensive perfume and cold air.
Alfie, realising hed been abandoned, wailed. The first three days were a marathon.
Swimming lessons one side of London, speech therapy the other. Tantrums, night tears, endless want Mummy. I was wrecked.
On day four, I called Leo. Theyd just checked into the hotel.
*Mum? Whats wrong? Alfie okay?* His voice was tense.
*Hes fine. Leo, I need to talk Im struggling. This routines too much.*
Could you hire a temp nanny? Id pay half.
Silence. Then a heavy sigh.
*Mum, dont start. We just got here. Katy was stressed enough. A nanny? Whod we trust? Youre his gran. This should be a joy.*
*Joy doesnt cancel exhaustion. Im not getting younger.*
*Youre just out of practice,* he soothed. *Youll adjust. Dont ruin this for us. We never get away. Right, Mum. Katys calling.*
He hung up. I stared at the phone, something inside me hardening. Not anger.
Just cold, clear understanding. To him, I wasnt Mumjust a resource. Reliable. Free.
Wednesday, as promised, the cat food arrived. The courier dumped the unmanageable sack on the step and muttered about door drop.
I spent ten minutes dragging twelve kilograms inside, wrenching my back. When I finally managed, I sat on the floor beside the fishy-smelling sack and laughedsilent, soundless.
That evening, Katy called. Sea sounds and music in the background.
*Nina, hi! Hows my orchid? Only filtered water, remember? Not the leavesthe roots!*
Not a word about Alfie. Or me. Just the plant.
*I remember, Katy. All under control,* I said, eyeing the damned sack.
That night, I barely slept. Not thinking of the cottage or my friends. I opened the wardrobe, took out my old savings book and passport. Just held them, tracing the covers.
The thought that had flickered days ago wasnt fantasy anymore. It had shape. A plan.
The phone rang on day ten of their break. Leo this time.
*Mum! Hows our lad?*
*Asleep,* I said flatly.
*Listen, thing is* He hesitated. A favour incoming. *This place is paradise. Hotel offered a discount if we stay another week. Mental, right?*
I said nothing. Knew what came next.
*So were staying. But were a bit short* That wheedling tone I hated. *Mum, could you*
Point is, Katy remembered Dads sapphire earrings. You never wear them.
*What do you want, Leo?* My voice was eerily calm.
*Pawn them, yeah?* he blurted. *Theyll fetch a decent sumjust enough. Well buy them back, swear! Whats the point of them gathering dust? This is living!*
Katys voice in the background: *Leo, stop waffling! Nina, theyre just things! Let us have this!*
Just things. My memories. My family. My life. Just collateral for their living.
Something inside me froze solid. Not shatteredjust crystallised into ice.
The emptiness filled with cold, ringing clarity.
*Fine,* I said evenly. *How much?*
*Seriously? Mum, youre the best!* he gushed. *Five grand should cover it. Just snap the receipt, yeah?*
*Of course, Leo. Enjoy yourselves.*
I hung up. Peered into Alfies room. He slept, lips smacking. My little boyunwanted by anyone but me.
The ice in my chest cracked. I couldnt leave him. But I couldnt stay either.
I texted Leo: *Not selling the earrings. Your holiday ends in four days, per your tickets. If youre not back by Sunday, Im calling social services on Monday. Non-negotiable.*
The reply was instant: *Youre THREATENING us?!*
I didnt answer. Opened the airline site. Booked a ticket. Antalya. Next Tuesday. No return.
They returned Sunday evening. Not arrivingstorming in. Sunburnt, frayed, furious.
*Happy now?* Katy snarled. *Ruined our best holiday! Manipulative cow!*
Leo wordlessly went to Alfie, who lunged at him.
I stepped out, holding my passportticket tucked inside. Utterly calm.
*Glad youre back for your son,* I said softly. *Now listen. Both of you.*
They froze, startled by my tone.
*Five years, Leo. Five years Ive lived in your shadow.*
I collected Alfie when Katy was busy with manicures. Sat up with him teething so they could sleep. Cancelled plans, trips, my own lifebecause *Mum, we need help.*
Ive spent more time with your son than you both combined. I was your free function.
I turned to Katy.
*Not once did you ask how I was. But you never forgot your orchid. You thought this would last forever. That Id never leave.*
I laid the passport and ticket on the table.
*You were wrong. I love Alfie. Thats why I waitedwhy I didnt make your lives hell. But my role heres done. I want to see the sea too.*
Leo picked up the ticket, stunned.
*Turkey? Mumhow long?*
*Havent decided.* I shrugged, lifting my small suitcase. *Im living for me now. And you? Youre parents. Fully. No help, no shortcuts, no sacrifices. Learn.*
I kissed Alfies head.
*Grannyll be back soon,* I lied, forcing a smile.
And I walked out. Left them in my flatwith twelve kilos of cat food, a fussy orchid, and full responsibility for their lives.
For the first time in years, I didnt feel emptiness. Just the whisper of what came next.
